How does anyone actually live through a divorce?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 24 years. We have two daughters; one in college and one going to college next year. He hit me up with the 'I'm not happy any more. I love you, but am not in love with you" cliche. I have never, ever been alone. I went from my parent's house to college roommates, to roommates, to him. Frankly, the idea of it scares the h**l out of me. To support him, he's poisoned all of our friends against me. I didn't talk to them about it to avoid putting them in the middle, however, I guess he didn't see it that way. I have very little family, but they are supportive. My girls are devastated, but his view is that they'll get over it. I'd love to hear from people in my similar situation, because, quite literally, I'm sinking fast...and feel like my insides are being torn out....Thanks.

Answer 1

aww, i wish i could give u a big hug.

you will get thru this.

sleep on the couch (its more cuddly than an empty bed)

leave the tv on all nite

get a cat, or a puppy

take a class

start walking

go to church *if u want. lol*

you will be better off with out him if this is how he wants to treat you.

its hard to see now, but in time, you will look back on this, and feel that it really wasnt as bad as you are making it seem right now.

theres nothing you can do to change this back. you must move forward now. its all choice for you now. will you choose to mope? or will you choose to get up and go do something fun w/ur life? age doesnt matter either.

i wish you all the luck in love

Answer 2

Hi Shelly 10,

I am sorry to hear about your situation.  Though my answer won't be incredibly thorough, I will mention a few things that helped me get through my divorce.

1. See a counselor as soon as you can, if you have the ability to do that. In this world, counselors are not just for those with mental health problems, they are there to help us sort out things when life gets a bit overwhelming and we lose our perspective.

2. Remember that you were someone whole before you met your husband. I went from my parents' house straight to my first married apartment at 21, and never got a chance to develop as an independent adult. The past six years that I have finally had the chance to do that have been the best years of my life, hands down.  I pledged to start where I left off before I met him, and joined a rock band - but for each of us the situation is different. It can be incredibly renewing to find your passion again. It has NOTHING to do with another human being, it is entirely yours - I always shudder when I hear people that say their passion is someone else - or that someone else completes them.

3. Build a network of supportive friends through your hobbies and renewed interests that I mentioned in #2 above. Can't stress this enough: friends, friends, friends....find them by volunteering, through music, hobbies, support groups, however you can.  Remember - if your joint friends were convinced by his tall tales and are against you, then were they really your true friends? They must not know you that well if they are that easily poisoned. If they are true friends, they will come back around once the shock wears off - but I think that friends that are yours alone are the best help in this situation because they help you to find your independent self - they will help you explore your interests and discover who you really are.

4. Always do what you can to put yourself in a position of greatest strength and stability for the months ahead. For some people, this means the things I mentioned above. Counselors, volunteering (can't stress that enough), outside interests, supportive friends: these will all help you to become your healthiest self so that you know that your decisions being made are made from a position of strength. Also important is healthy eating and sleeping - eating you can control somewhat (lots of vitamins) and sleeping can improve when you are sharing your experiences with others.

Very best wishes,

Jen

Answer 3

seek family and friends who are supportive,this is a bad time, because when were married that long we don't know where to go, because our entire idenity revolves around him. he is insensitive and probroly cheating on u too.join a self help divorce recovery group also, where u will meet others who have already been through this, as u will need a support system. its common for the problem person to turn all friends against the victim.yes its hard, at first u will feel as if there is no way out of it, prayer will help u, just knowing that your not alone in all this and that there is a god and he feels your pain. when i went through the exact same thing a few years back i could not have gotten through it without god.just keep doing the best u can and don't blame yourself because its within him, and he's got another woman out there controlling it all.