Question:

How does my story sound so far?

by  |  earlier

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I know its a little long so far, but please read it, and let me know how it is, what you'd like to see happen next. opinions and suggestions :)

Cadence, hated the name, hated the face, hated the girl. I’m Cadence Devereux. Yep, you could say I was an extreme pessimist. Rich, smart, some even say pretty, so you might ask why is it I was such a mess? It’s probably the fact that my life was just a blank abyss. Everyday the same: School, eat, sleep. Up until now.

Beep, beep, beep. My annoying alarm clock rang. 5: 52. Ugh, the first day of school was always a drag. Most girls returning back to school, had only been overwhelmed with excitement. Probaby because they only thought about guys and seeing friends. I didn’t have many friends, and there definitly were no boys in my school I even thought twice about looking at. After finally pulling myself together, out of bed, I got dressed into a pair of skinny jeans, my cardy uggs, and a black tee. My dark whispy curls flowed down my back. I never took much time in my appearance, so it never took long for me to get out of the house.

School was going by incredibly slow, up until 4th period. The only guy to ever catch my attention was in my English Lit class. I took note of his name, when the teacher was calling out attendance. His name was Gabe Carter. He was gorgeous, breath-taking. He had dark brown shaggy hair, grey eyes, and pale skin, a notch darker then mine. I’d never noticed him in school, maybe he was knew. After staring for about 15 seconds, his eyes locked on mine, I didn’t turn.. I couldn’t. It was like his eyes had me hypnotized, in a trance you coud say. What he did to me then, how he made me feel then, was only the beginning of what was to come.

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4 ANSWERS


  1. thats good you should continue it now

    i dont have any suggestions


  2. good!

  3. 5:52 is a weird time to get up

  4. 'a notch darker then mine' should be 'a notch darker than mine'

    'maybe he was knew' should be 'maybe he was new'

    'in a trance you coud say' should be 'in a trance you could say'

    'and there definitly were no boys in my school' should be 'and there definitely were no boys in my school'

    I'm guessing those were just typos...

    good story though :)

    but you haven't decided on the 'mess'? i would help with that but im not really good at this stuff any more, i haven't been able to write a story for school since the 5th or 6th grade i think...

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