How does one go about contacting God? I wish to give him a stern talking to about our British summertime?

Question

The blighters got a lot to answer for my summer party up at the manor was a complete washout what with the miserable weather we had. I don't believe in the chap personally but someone's got to pay the price and if he is real he's not getting away with this by Jove, I've a horsewhip with his name on here.

Answer 1

You have to go through his agent, Reverend something or other.

Answer 2

Can't you send him an email?

Answer 3

try father dougal

Answer 4

As a British gentlemen all you have to do is say "God I wish to have a word with you ! "

You might want to keep the horsewhip out of sight until he arrives...don't want to scare him off

Answer 5

I'm afraid I don't know God but I do know how you can contact O-God.  

If you follow some of the ruffians from the village at around 11.15pm tomorrow night they can often be seen communicating with O-God in the bushes that line the main road.

Once you have tracked down O-God perhaps he can direct you towards the Almighty?

Answer 6

Get really drunk to the point of being physically sick and as you groan out the words "Oh God" whilst retching your guts up, make sure you have your head well down the great white telephone.

Answer 7

Go to your local Baptist Church and pick up the telephone that has a golden receiver. This is a direct line to God Himself. There is a $100,000.00 fee per minute in the UK but if you will come to North Carolina in the US it is a local call and only costs a quarter dollar.

Answer 8

Phone him on his private number 666, he doesn't think anyone knows who he really is, hence the rotten weather, no pun intended old boy, what?

Answer 9

My dear Rotter, I have, indeed, a confession to make relating to this matter.

You see, I have rather a large investment in an umbrella company and several rain wear manufacturers and in order to secure a rather profitable year for myself, we worked out a little scam between us.

--- He would keep the rain clouds hovering if I would keep the indecent exposure photographs of five Bishops under lock and key and subsequently not grace the editors desk of  the News of the World with them.

Sorry, old chap, but c'est la vie.

EDIT

As my name and reputaion suggests, sir, I am a dirty rotten scoundrel - one has to maintain standards, doesn't one?

Answer 10

Is ok ill pass on the message for you ;-)

Answer 11

Go Rotter, give Him h**l!

Answer 12

He's behind you, apparently and behind everyone else - laughing; as he hasn't got a physical presence I think you will need a holo-whip.

Answer 13

i will ask great aunt E, she has I direct line to him and speaks to him most evenings in her lavatory, it is usually after half a bottle of gin and absinthe…you can hear her talking to him and praying “OH GOD…OH GOD…PLEASE HELP …OH GOD” I know this is as my man Bagthorpe(87) tells me she is on the great white telephone to god?

Answer 14

Well, don't try phoning him up!  He'll just be busy.  I called 777-7777, and it gave me a busy signal.  My dad told me it was because God was a busy man.

xx

Answer 15

You can get him on the phone,his no  is VAT69

Answer 16

Just pick up a bible and start talking into it like a walkie talkie.