How does one heal after everything they believe in has been shattered by mate's infidelity?

Question

How does one heal after everything they believe in has been shattered by mate's infidelity?

Answer 1

One day you'll wake up and realize that it doesnt hurt as much as it used too.  you shouldnt blame yourself for someone else's weakness .

  

Answer 2

hi i had this happen to me years ago by someone i was in love with.  After i found out that he was lying and trying to meet other women, my heart felt like someone literally pulled it out of my chest.  I couldnt breathe and for days i couldnt eat.  I cried alot!!  I was soooo heartbroken.  It felt good to cry and it took about a weeks cryings worth until i felt i can face the world again.  I lost about five pounds in one week. But i survived.  Its been almost two years now and im very happy again.  However, im not with him.  I wanted to be and i really tried hard to forgive him, but i had to move on.  The trust was gone.  We werent married nor did we live together so it was easy to end things.  Im not sure what i would of done if we were common law or married.  But i really did try to work things out with him. He was very sorry but jsut about 3 months later i caught him flirting with a waitress 1/2 his age when ihad my back turned. That did it for me and i realized he would never change.  TIME really does heal things.  As time goes on you get stronger and memories of pain begin to fade.  I also started dating other people and I didnt make him my priority anymore.  I started making myself feel good again and pampering myself.  I also started to look inside my inner self and realized that i could do better and that it wasnt worth staying with him after what he put me through.  Not only was he trying to meet other women, he had no money and had to file bankrupcy and he was sexually dysfunctional. Now im with someone new who is loyal and goes to church.  We just had a babygirl and he's very honest.  When i think of what that other guy put me through, i shake my head and thank god every day that someone else came along and made me open my eyes.  The guy who hurt me also had the nerve to send me an email few months ago saying how much he mssed me still and cared about me.  I deleted it and never replied.  I dont know if my story will help you but i tried to keep busy and i started to meet other people as well as pampering myself more and realizing my self worth. This helped me alot.

Answer 3

Time, my friend. And remember that you are not at fault for another person's weakness. Things will get better, hang in there.

Answer 4

  You don't. You go through life with a heart that has turned into stone, and a mind that can't accept or believe that anyone else is capable of telling the truth to you about anything else under the sun.The life that was once a paradise turns into h**l! That's just the way it is. You can hope, but that's all that it is, just a dim hope of healing and being the person you once were. Good luck!

Answer 5

Ask yourself this. Do you feel like the relationship is worth saving? Are they sorry and show remorse? Can you move past to forgive? Is there a chance that it could happen again? If you feel hesitant abouth these things than maybe counseling could help you to deal with these feelings. If you feel that it won't help than it's time to move on.  

Answer 6

TIME!!! And awsome friends.. to keep your mind off of things.

Answer 7

with time, good friends and a few shots!

Answer 8

  I think that people are being a little hard on reddawn2's reply(the ratings).I think that I understand what reddawn2 is trying to say.I went through this same thing 15 years ago,my first husband cheated on me with one of my best friends and got her pregnant and left me and our 4 month old son behind and never looked back(he even went to court and signed over his parental rights for our son and then turned around and named his new son with her the same exact name as our son). However I have remarried and now have another son with this husband (he also adopted my first son),but there are times in my marriage that my husband might work overtime or be late getting home or something and my first thoughts are "Who is he sleeping with?" I have a hard time trusting him.And I just keep to myself now I don't allow myself to become close to any women,out of fear that they are only my friends to get to my husband. I know that this is something that I need to get over but it is really hard especially if you really loved that person.I'm not saying that you'll never get over him,I'm sure you will find love again.But sometimes you find yourself having flashback thoughts and you have trust issues.Luckily my 2nd husband knows what I went through and is very patient and understanding with me.He's a wonderful man and slowly I'm starting to trust him 100% instead of the old 80%.It's taking awhile but I'm getting there.

Answer 9

Oh my God...I hope you're alright. Time heals all wounds. Give yourself some time and get away from the person that did that to you. Progress not regression. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 10

After the shock wears off, the key is to start accepting they weren't the person you thought they were and definitely not the type of person you want to be with.You want the person back who you thought and knew them to be,not who they ended up to be. I know how disappointing it is, but you have already spent so much time on this person try really hard not to waste anymore. Who wants to be with a lying, selfish cheater?  

Answer 11

Honey, you will find yourself going through many stages: Shock, disbelief, disappointment, acceptance and finally anger/revenge. I suggest you get to the anger stage and neglect the revenge part. In your anger to him, you can focus on doing YOU. Your hair, nails, clothes, staying busy with friends and family. Fill each day and stay too busy to continue to cry over the death of your marriage. Don't even attempt to make a decision to try again, if he begs for that....until you can truly forgive him. I KNEW I COULD NOT...SO I DID NOT TRY AGAIN. In your case...IT IS UP TO YOU TO MAKE YOU HAPPY...NO ONE ELSE'S RESPONSIBILITY. OK? You go girl! Be your best at all times and see who takes notice.