How does someone come to the conclusion of...?

Question

wanting to be a surrogate parent??

why on earth would you intentionally have a baby to give him/her away.

Some of these children are the flesh and blood of the surrogate parent. I just can't comprehend how this "idea" comes into peoples mind. Other than poverty, you know like India where people are making more than a years salary for renting out their wombs.

poverty drives people into some serious situations i tell ya!

What else would drive someone to conceive intentionally to hand their child to someone else?

Answer 1

My cousin wanted to be a surrogate many years ago.  Her reasoning was:

She was VERY fertile

She wanted/needed the money

Might as well put two and two together.

I know she never followed through with it, but I don't know her reasons.  And I can't comment on mental illness, as there are some pretty serious mental disorders (and a million minor ones) running in that side of the family.  I don't know that there is a person I'm related to who doesn't suffer from at least a low-grade chronic depression, but most of it is untreated.

Answer 2

Women are socialized to be helpers, to be "giving", to make sacrifices to other people. Unfortunately, the woman who bears a child in this way is making a major sacrifice of her own health. The drugs that she must take to do this can take years off her life. Bearing children will increase her chance of developing diabetes and other chronic diseases. Even when women are paid, it is a pittance compared to what they may have lost healthwise. Yet we think it is wonderful that she was willing to sacrifice her health in this way for wealthy strangers, right?

Many women do also this because they are desperate for cash. This makes them easy to exploit. You do not find rich women acting as surrogates for poor women. Never.

If a woman gestates a baby in her womb, even is she is not genetically related to that baby, she has still gone through all the physical changes that a mother goes through. The genetic origin of the fertilized egg is irrelevant to her body, she has borne a child. To deny that, to say she is nothing more than a baby-incubating machine is a classist and self-serving lie. She is giving up a baby that she bore, just as much as if she conceived it herself and gave it up for adoption.

I think surrogacy should be limited to blood relatives. Womb-renting is morally reprehensible.

Answer 3

I am in India and i know of some one who's sister carried her baby. It was all donor egg & sperm. It was pure love and a gift of parenthood one sister wanted to give another.

Like some one said just because you won't ever do it doesn't mean people don't do it out of love. You can't wrap your brain around it doesn't mean its wrong.

Ofcourse money is the the biggest driving force for the poor person. But like i said its not always about the money in many cases.

Answer 4

Isn't it great?

We (the adoption industry pigs) have gotten the American public so snowed into thinking that handing out and selling your children is the "loving thing" that people are actually willing to get pregnant for the sole purpose of getting rid of the kid.

It's pure magic, and my bank account thanks you.

Oh, who cares about the kid's feelings, we'll make sure they are just grateful to be walking this planet, and we'll feed them so much c**p and spew about "loving choices" and being "gifts" that they will probably grow up and supply us with even MORE kids to sell!!!

It's like job security.  

There's nothing more profitable than a grateful adoptee.

Answer 5

My sister offered to be a surrogate for me and my husband.  She already has 2 of her own children and watching me and my husband struggle with infertility broke her heart.  We decided on getting our foster care license instead but I think she offered to be our surrogate because she loves us and knows how much joy it brings to your life being a parent.  

Answer 6

Although I can't answer your question, I offer this:

This is a clear case where medical science is too far ahead of the  morality and ethics which should offer guidelines for such procedures.

Just because we can do something, doesn't mean we should.

Answer 7

Lots of times the surrogate parent has no biological connection to the baby.  They are basically just an incubator to grow and deliver the baby.  Some women have difficulties carrying babies.  They take the womans egg, the mans sperm and put it in the surrogate mother.  It's a huge, selfless thing for a woman to give her body like that.  You say that you are aware that the baby isn't the surrogates baby yet you also say you can't understand how a surrogate can give away their baby.  The fact is, it isn't "their" baby to give away.  

Answer 8

I find it so ironic that people are citing that the baby is often not the bio baby of the surrogate and therefore it's not really her baby and she's just an incubator. So why is the baby not really the surro's baby but with adoptive kids, the parents often have to claim the child as "really" theirs. Seems a bit of a double standard going on.

A woman can carry a baby for nine months and give it away because it's not hers but when a "birth" mother changes her mind and wants her child back one week after relinquishment the general population sides with the adoptive parents because they are the "real" parents.

Humpf.

Answer 9

I have heard of women being a surrogate for their sisters, where the egg is the sister's and the sperm is the sister's husband's.  The child is not biologically the surrogate's at all.  The surrogate is a family member, who is giving their loved one the chance for their own biological children to be born.  It is NOT a mental disorder, it is giving your loved one a beautiful gift.  It is your choice to not support it- don't do it, but don't insult the people who do either.  

Answer 10

I would be a surrogate for someone I knew with their egg and their partner's sperm. I feel it would be a wonderful gift for someone who cannot carry their own children. I don't think I could give my own baby up. I would not do it for the money.

I personally love being pregnant so to be able to experience pregnancy again, and do something so wonderful for someone I care about would be great

Answer 11

Just because its something you would never do, doesnt mean that its wrong.  And its not "their baby".  A surrogate is only carrying the egg and sperm of another couple.  

Love, respect and a willingness to give someone a joy they would never be able to have otherwise is a good motivator.  Lots of surrogates receive no compensation.

Answer 12

i would absolutely do it for a close friend if she couldn't carry her own child, I'm not too sure id do it for a compete stranger though. and as for being paid for it, i think that's awful. to me that goes under the same rule as selling your organs, a big nono in my books, however id gladly donate a kidney or bone marrow to a loved one. I'm getting off topic here sorry, basically i think surrogacy is an amazing gift to give to some one. and i think its absolutely amazing that we as human beings have found a way to do this wonderful thing, there's a lot to be said for science in my opinion.  

Answer 13

I think surrogacy has its place, and most of what is done now is not the way surrogacy was intended.

I think  when a close family member is the surrogate is the only appropriate and ethical way to use a surrogate pregnancy.  I know a lot of people can't have a child of their own, but...to pay someone else to have the child for you, I just think that is...wrong.  I wouldn't even think to ask my sister to have a baby for me, you know?  

Answer 14

This is the result of the comodification of babies, thanks to adoption industry marketing.  The adoption industry has successfully convinced society that certain "qualified" people are entitled to the babies of others.  The only thing that matters is having the correct financial and social status to "qualify" for raising a child.  

At the other end of the equation, it is perfectly acceptable to be a paid incubator for those properly "qualified" parents.

Pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood no longer hold a sacred place in our culture.  You can thank the adoption industry for that.

Answer 15

Surrogate mothers do not always "get paid" and will do this for just having the medical bills paid.

Some women just like to be pregnant and I have heard of women who needed to be pregnant for their own health (<---yeah that is true) but did not want to have anymore children and provided this service to a couple who wanted to have a baby.

In India or other countries where people are seen as "impoverished", I can see where the lure of fairly easy money could be misconstrued as being "something wrong"....but childless couples are given the chance to be parents.....what is wrong with that??

Would it be wrong if a "mechanical womb" were available and babies were incubated in something other than a human uterus.....or would that be advancement in technology??

Why would you ask if this is a mental disorder??

I wished I could go through life with rose colored glasses on...the world would be a wonderful place to be...all the time!!

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I am glad I am afforded the opportunity to have my own opinions and other people can have theirs and folks who want to adopt can do so...and those who want to surrogate can do that as well. So thumb me down all you want!!

Answer 16

I'm glad I read the responses first, as Dory stated what I was planning to say.  What a double standard!  Suddenly biology matters when it can be used to "justify" surrogacy.  "Birth" mothers have both biology AND the 9 months of carrying the child on their side, yet are STILL seen as somehow wrong for ultimately deciding to parent their own children when no adoption has even been finalized yet!

Answer 17

I read an article in the paper about surrogacy in Australia with testimony from women who provide this service to couples who without them would not be able to have children.

One woman interviewed had given 4 different couples children (with the couples embryo and sperm) and said it was the most fulfilling experience of her life as she was able to provide this loving couple with a child of their own.

I think that is a big part of the reason why women become surrogate mothers.