How does someone who has Bipolar get over an affair their spouse had over two years ago?

Question

My Spouse had an affair a couple years ago. I can't trust him anymore and I feel always in stocking mode... I don't know how to put it in the past. I love him to death. We have been married now over 10 years and this happened right after our 8th anniversary. A one night stand that he went back for seconds. Also had this girl babysit our son one day.

Swore up and down that they were just friends. Until I started checking the phone bill and his text messages... Well anyways I need help putting this behind me. What should I do? Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Take your medication and realize that if you forgive him, you can't keep dwelling on this.

Answer 2

Your trust has been violated and you will always question him, that's just the way it is! Being Bipolar is a difficult thing to have but you have to use reason with your thinking. (also make sure you take your medication) There isn't anyone that has gone through this that come through it without scars all over. They question every where their spouse goes, if they are lying, if they are where they say they are, etc; Life can be one living he$$>

However, you need to ask yourself if he is worth staying with. You need to ask yourself if he is worth living the rest of your life in the 'mind state' your in.  Your bipolar can make you do things that you ordinary wouldn't do, so try to stay calm. Just face the fact your unhappy and he is the loss of trust is the reason why. If this is a burden to you and you feel its something that you'll never get over, then its time to move on.  

Answer 3

There's no way. I'm pretty sure that's the truth.  

Answer 4

if you are bi-polar you are 1) taking meds and under the care of a psychiatrist and 2) hopefully seeing a therapist.

Talk to your therapist about it..that is one reason they are there for you.

Answer 5

You decided to stay after you found out so the only thing i can say is try to move on the best way you can. I know if my husband ever did that i could never trust him so i would definitely leave him cause a marriage shouldn't be where you always have that thought in the back of your mind. Maybe you should try couples therapy.

Answer 6

If you want to put this behind you I do have a couple of suggestions that have worked for me.  When I try to control a situation I have no control over it puts me in a terrible frame of mind.  When I take responsibility for another persons drinking, affairs, gambling, etc  I become hyper-vigilant, trying to control it, trying to prevent it by catching it before it happens, or doing things to prevent it.  

I have to accept that I can not control someone elses behaviors. Others will do what they decide to do.  If they are determined there is absolutely nothing I can do to change that. Example of thinking-  I have to let go of being responsible for him having an affair.  I have to accept that if he has another affair it is not about anything I do (even if he tells me it is) or don't do, it is about him deciding to do it.  Now that I accept that , I can decide is it worth it with this risk?  I f I decide it is I have to back off haha on the watching waiting controlling issue.  I have to DECIDE to trust.  Not I can or can't trust but make a conscious effort to do it.  If he has another affair I make a decision about what I will do.  And that will be his choice and what his options are. Period. Decision made, off the subject as much as I can manage.  It is a very hard concept to grasp just from a couple of sentences.  I recommend reading Melody Beatties Codependance No More, checking out Alanon sites (they are about drinking but the same technique applies) , looking up how people act in trauma and what hypervigilance means, learning as much as you can about yourself.  Also work on being in the present, focus on what is going on right now.  Do not expect your husband to fix your feelings , you have fix your own. I do not know what being bipolar has to do with it, but make sure you are being treated for it and taking your meds.  I wish you serenity.

Answer 7

someone else had a similar question: and an answer that I liked was,,,

It is not what you can do, but what he can do.

He chose to cheat, and now he must chose to be there for you, to give you all the reassurrance that you need

Answer 8

I really don't think that being Bipolar has anything to do with not being able to "get over it".  It's trust that your spouse lost by cheating on you and until you can honestly believe that he won't do it again, you're going to have doubts about everything that he does, Bipolar or not.  Loving someone who you can't trust won't make you a happy person.