How does this bridal shower invitation sound?

Question

How does this sound? i have to take bridal photos that afternoon (4p.m.) so i want it to be in the morning. My family has a ton of kids, mainly boys. so that the point of ladies only. i dont want to sound s****. or rude either.

thank you!

"You are cordially invited to a ladies

only mimosa & bagel bridal shower

In honor of Jane Doe.

Given by the mother-of-the-bride

Mother Doe along with

friends Thing 1 and

Thing 2. Cake will also be

served. The event will he held at the

mother-of-the-brides home

12345 E. XX St. N.

Doe-ville State, 12345

On Sat. Oct 11, 2008. Drinks and

games will begin at 10:03 a.m.

Be sure to R.S.V.P. by Oct 4 so we can

save you a champagne glass!

Mother Doe: [phone] -or-

Thing1 : [phone]

The Bride is registered at

Bed, Bath, & Beyond"

Answer 1

It doesn't sound rude at all; however, the mother of the bride is NOT supposed to throw her daughter a shower -- the maid of honor is. It's actually considered very tacky.

Answer 2

A bit too much.  And a tad tacky.  Your maid of honor should be hosting the bridal shower.  (Your mother should have hosted the engagement party.)  

It's not GIVEN by your mother, it's HOSTED by her.  (But should be your maid of honor.)  

You are cordially invited

to a ladies only

Mimosa and Bagel Bridal Shower

Honoring Jane Ann Doe

On Date:

Time:

At: Address

Hosted by Mother First name Doe

And co-hosts Lady Tuesday

and Lady Thursday

Please RSVP by: Date

By calling 555-1212

[Or include RSVP cards]

The Bride is Registered at

Bed, Bath and Beyond  

Answer 3

I don't think it is necessary to include that cake will be served. You want to keep this short and sweet. Also, if everything begins at 10:03 you need to say that games start then... don't mention drinks in the invitation, it's in the beginning sentence. Other than that it sounds great! Have fun!

Answer 4

i think it sounds fine, to point about being girls only without sounding rude.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 LOL

Answer 5

I think it sounds great! Not s****. or rude at all. I think that putting the "ladies-only" bit in the title seems like a good way to make it clear that moms should leave their little boys at home, and having a brunch shower is a great idea.

Just stylistically/grammatically, I think I would rearrange a bit:

"Mother Doe, Thing 1 and Thing 2 request the pleasure of your company at a ladies-only mimosa & bagel bridal shower in honour of Jane Doe on Saturday, October 11, 2008. . . ." [keeping everything else the same]

Congrats!

Answer 6

whats with 10:03? and thing one and thing 2? i like the champagne glass idea at the rsvp. thts cute.