How does this do in explaining a complicated relationship?

Question

Locked in Love

He told her to shut up

Screaming like she was a dog

Beating her with chanting rod of mouth

Making marks upon her bones

She held him while he was sick

Hoping he would see her tears

So alone all this time

Though he had always been there

He woke once in pristine bed

The nurses had all but gone

She cried for all she had done

But he told her she should go home

The call came in dead of night

The news that he had passed

Her heart beat a slower tone

But freedom was hers again

She told herself to shut up

She beat herself with rod of mouth

He would never hold her tight

But his mark had been placed well

-Your thoughts would be welcome...

Blessed Be, Siren

Answer 1

It doesn't do well at all in explaining the relationship.

However, it is quite nice as a poem.

Answer 2

It was deep and emotional...very well expressed and beautiful.(i REALLY liked it)

Answer 3

Nice

Answer 4

I hope this isn't about you, you deserve so much better.

Even though the subject matter is much more dismal than the "Gaia" poem, the style here reads much better. The tragedy is not that she was verbally abused, but that she realized that it didn't have to continue, yet she made the wrong choice.

There was one word that seemed out of place. I got distracted by the "but" in "had all but gone."

Answer 5

Very emotional. Great writing, you expressed it beautifully.