How does this flow? As free verse, does this work?

Question

Wolf Playground

Pallet display of an inborn day

contingency unvoiced and overbearing

The question posed is why we sleep

while wolves hunt the babies crib

Cradle of heaven has been released

all we like sheep gone astray

opening ourselves to the evil outside

We drop our wall and give up again

Short and not so great… I don’t know where I was going… that could be a problem! I would like to know what you think.

Blessed Be, Siren

Answer 1

Honestly, I dig the flow and it's content.  It was just too short.  I suggest reading it again and picking up your train of thought to the climax.  Well done!

Answer 2

Not your best but still good. It flows alright but it seems as though you are trying too hard. I hope to see more and better things from you soon!

Answer 3

I hope you do not take offense, but it seems like you are trying too hard. Many of the lines came across as just too wordy. It was like I couldn't feel you through the poem. I hope you find your muse again soon. I seem to have lost mine too.

By the way, I changed my haiku, is it better?

Answer 4

be yourself