How does this sound i made a song?

Question

Walkin, Talkin, Not looking back at me

Don’t act wack

And just come back

You know I want you here

And you want me there

So don’t walk away from me

Don’t walk away from me

Don’t make this the end

Of us being friends

I want you, I need you, and I really want u back!

Turn around

Your gonna be found

I aint gonna hound

Turn that frown

Up side down

I no u aint wack!

So just come back

Ill hold my hands tight

Waiting for the light

So I can wish apon a star

To no were u are

I just want you back!

Cuz you’re the token

Of my heat being broken

If there was a shooting star

Id wish for were you are!

Let me be among your best

So I can finally rest

Come back

Cuz I miss you…

I miss you…

Answer 1

This is a poem. It doesn't sound at all. Put it to music, record it, upload it, give us a link, ???, $Profit$.

But as for the poem, well, some of the rhymes (actually most) seem forced. Same with the syllables. I don't know it depends on how you sing it, but some of this needs re-written. And while I get the whole "I miss you" vibe, a lot of lines don't seem to tie in with each other, and seem kind of random. And a lot are obvious.

And DO NOT USE "WACK". EVER.

Try to either use less cliche's, have the whole song be completely original and vague lines that make no sense, or use nothing but bad cliche's and the worst lyrics on purpose, but add a shred solo, virtuostic singing, full choir, time signature/key changes, etc... and make it a progressive masterpiece just to spite the lyrics.

I usually go along the lines of that last one, but that's just me.

Finally, only two songs are allowed to use the word 'frown'- Paranoid and Face-Fisted.  

Answer 2

excellent.....i want to use them for a new song....will you email me.......cuz i would like to  put a guitar line to them...so i can see what i cn come up with????

Answer 3

It;s not that bad...You need some improvements in some of your lines so that the words can come out in a nice tone and flow. I'll send you my edited version of your poem.