How dumb is my brother - family is betting he's going to get hurt - will it work out?

Question

Cast of characters:

My brother - 36 yr old single dad (2x divroced) 3 kids 1 grandkid

Her - Unhappily married next door neighbor - 2 kids

Him - Her completely unaware husband

Him - her "male friend" from her home state (all parties are military) whom she misses, wants to be the something s**y for his bday and he has been to visit while husband was gone on deployment.

He met this woman 1 1/2 years ago through his daughter. He has since divorced wife #2, and has taken up with her. In the process of all this he has withdrawn and alienated himself from friends and most family. I ran into a long time friend of 10+ years the other day and she was telling me how he is not allowed to talk her they are getting married. That gf actually called the long time friend and told her that he wanted nothing to do with her and not to call again. If he was to contact her the wedding and relationship are done. She's still married to my knowledge. We have tried to talk to my brother but he will not listen and has given up all for her. We are worried that she will get bored and drop him for her next conquest eventually and he'll be devasted. Yes, he is a grown man....and he made this choice but sitting by and watching is hurting us more than he'll ever know. Some of us have thought about telling her husband........but we don't want really want to cause problems for us as a family if that makes sense. What can we do? Is there ANYTHING? Right now he's not talking to any of us.........except mom and she refuses to get involved. I say it won't work.........he's gonna get hurt - my gut tells me so.

Answer 1

gonnnnnnnnnnnna hurt big time she just gonna play him..

Answer 2

He probably will get hurt. Unfortunately, all you can do is wait patiently and offer care and support when/if that happens. He's more than grown enough to make his own choices. Your mom is doing the right thing - she can't interfere with his choices, even if they're not right.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, this is something he is going to have to realize on his own.  By trying to appeal to his better sense about this girl, you are really only pushing him away and making him more alienated.  It is very likely that you are right, and this won't work.  It does sound like she enjoys controling him, and hopefully (sooner rather than later) he'll wake up and smell the coffee.  Until then, all you can really do is love and support him, an dhope for the best.  My guess is that her husband probably does know, and legally she and your brother cannot get married until she is divorced.  Hopefully that will take awhile!!