How exactly do you move on?

Question

Wife and I separated almost 1 year ago. The kid she was cheating on me with moved in the same day. I am still hurt and have too many unanswered questions. This past june would have been 15 years of marriage for us. I think about her everyday. I would go back if I knew that it would be totally over with her and her boyfriend (she is 36 and he is 25). I think I would even want us to leave the state to make sure. She hasn't sign any divorce papers and in june said she still loves me and only wanted to be married forever. Her actions are exactly opposite of her words. What can I do? How do I get past this? I have gone to counseling, and I have dated other women. Does it mean something that I think there is hope and my thoughts are about her everyday? Do I try to move on, and how exactly do I do that?, or do I turn my time and energy into trying to save my broken marriage?

Answer 1

golly....that's a tough one. If she is still with her boyfriend then I don't think you can work things out just yet. Problem is as soon as you get on with your life and are happy she'll probably leave him and come knocking on your doorstep.... good luck

Answer 2

she is telling u what she thinks will keep u in there and fighting for her just incase she needs to come home.but in reality she is with him,and did chose him over u.a persons actions speak volumes, words are cheap and mean very little with nothing to back them up. of course u still love her,but don't be a door mat. u join a self help therapy group, get your esteem back, u lost from her leaving u, and either file for divorce, or give her an ultimatum,if she refuses to leave him u would then have to get a divorce, because investing more in her would be foolish, and would only keep u in the heartache.

Answer 3

Forget about her and your marriage.  You will find a woman who is dedicated to only you.  Even if you don't find someone, you are single and free to date and enjoy yourself and you won't have to sit around and fret over whether or not your wife is going to be faithful to you or not.  That's lame.

Answer 4

Sweetie. I know it's hard just give it some time... Rushing into a new relationship isn't gonna make thing's better it'll make thing's worse try a therapist.  

Answer 5

I hate to be rude but . . . she's got some dude's p***s in her every night.  Do you really want that back?  I wouldn't.

Answer 6

she cheated on you... you can do better.. don't chase her.. replace her

Answer 7

Why would you want to save this marriage? She's totally playing you. She's keeping you on the hook just incase this new (and improved) guy doesn't work out. She knows deep down she's doing you wrong. She's just being incredibly selfish. After one whole year and she hasn't signed any papers? If he moved in the same day you separated, then it's pretty obvious it'd been going on for quite awhile. You don't you feel you deserve so much better? Separation/divorce is like a death. You have to relearn how to live life w/o that other person. It's the false hope she's feeding you that won't let you move on. Not only that, all the unanswered questions. Keep up w/ the therapy, you've gone through enough already.

Answer 8

You should move on, her relationship wont last, remember how can she be his when she wasn't his to begin with, and whenerver you take someone from someone else it will only be a matter of time before it happens to her. As far as trying to fix your broken marriage you have already answered that for yourself. Think about this you wont trust her ever even if you move to another state, this will stay in your mind always and that's not a relationship, once the trust is gone it's really hard to gain that back. Getting over someone is hard, don't force your heart because your heart has it's own mind, take it one day at a time. Clear all of her belongings or anything that reminds you of her, stop ahveing conversations with her, don't let her mess with your mind, you can't allow her to keep you in limbo, you have a right for closeure to. and she can't ahve her cake and eat it to. Remember people treat us the way we allow them to treat us. 15 years takes time to build and it will take time to heal. I'm sorry for your pain but it will get better, also don't look for someone to replace her or to fill that void that would only be a disaster for you and that other person, get rid of your old bagage before you get involved with someone else, keep going out on dates but be honest with yourself, if your not ready then your not ready but enjoy yourself really you deserve it, it wasn't your fault for what she did, you didn't push her to lay with him and she's in control of her own actions.Good Luck

Answer 9

This how you move on you put your left foot out and your right foot out the door

Answer 10

Go back to counseling, these are questions you should ask in therapy and frankly, should have already asked and have found the tools to find the answers.  Maybe you didn't take the counseling seriously or do your own work, but you need to now.

Answer 11

I wish I could fix things for you w/a message, but unfortunately I can't.  If she's still w/the b/f I would say to move on.  I know it's easy to say, but I KNOW it can be done because I've done it.  Of course there's a lot of hurt & rightfully so.  Mine was about the same length of time being married as you two were. That dear old word time is the only thing that heals things period.  It helped me being able to get over it by remembering all the things he'd done against me & the hurt he'd done to me.  It sure helped change my feelings of love for him.  I wouldn't have taken him back on a silver platter!  I just took it little by little until I found I could date again.  At least it gave me hope again.  The only thing I can say is that you will be able to get over it one day.  Just try your best to get out & about & try to meet new people.  Or just get out w/some of your friends.  Try to keep yourself occupied the best you can.  Just remember, she's the one who did this to you, the one who disrespected your marriage.  Stay away from her & anything that would remind you of her.  This might help you change your feelings twds. her.  Hang in the best you can & just know you w/get over it & at some point in time you'll actually be OK.  You surely are not alone, there are many people going thru the same as you are.  We DO make it thru OK in spite of ourselves.  I do wish you the best.............

Answer 12

She's too confuse for you to return back to her. If she's like that,there's no telling what can happen. Try to pick up a hobby in order to keep your mind on other things that are fun and interesting.

Answer 13

you file for a divorce because you deserve more. either that will bring her home, or it will give you an ending. it is time. if you stand up for yourself, she will know it isn't ok. basically, you are waiting around for someone who spat in your face. grow some, man.