How final is adoption?

Question

I was adopted by a hateful woman and her husband when i was 10 years old. They told me horrible things about my mother, and that I would turn out like her. To this day I wonder if there is anyway I could cancel the adoption, take her off my birth certificate as my "mother".

Some of you might think this is "hateful", but if you had shared my past and had to live with this woman, you'd be doing the same.

Answer 1

Can you have your first mom, or someone else adopt you?

I think it's legal.

Answer 2

Hi I dont know the laws in your country but I would definitely suggest going and seeing family services , a lawyer and a counsellor to help you through all this

And as suggested definitely have a living will and regular will and make sure its clearly understood that you do not want these people to have contact with your children.

I am so sorry you were adopted by awful people :(

Answer 3

Dear Kiki, I don't know the answer to your question. I just wanted to say how very sorry I am that such a hateful women said such horrible things to you. These stories tear me up. You are wise for not wanting your children to have this person for a grandmother. God only knows what she would say to them. Again, I am so sorry. No child deserves be treated in such a way.

Answer 4

Hello Kiki

There is a lot going on here and I am not sure that this forum is a place for you to resolve these issues.

Obviously you can just move away and estrange yourself from your adoptive parents. That isn't enough, is it?

It is certainly okay to have some professional coach to help you deal with what is bothering you.

I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said that nobody can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission - so stop letting the evil a-mom make you have such anger.

To answer your direct question, though - it is highly unlikely that any Court would reverse the adoption at your age or order a "correction" of the government record absent more than your wishes.

Answer 5

It sure would be nice if we could "divorce" our adopters. It makes me very angry that we are legally tied to an adoption we didn't consent to.

As others have said, you can have your REAL parents adopt you back. Some people choose to do this, but personally I couldn't stomach being adopted again, blech.

Answer 6

I believe you would handle it the same way you would handle disowning birth parents.  You draw up emancipation papers.  Then, legally speaking, you will no longer have any family ties to  your adoptive parents.  I'm not sure how much benefit you'll receive from this, unless it's for your piece of mind.

No one else needs to adopt you, you're grown up.

Answer 7

I too had a horrible adoption, and was told everyday how grateful I should be that they "saved" me from being a crack w h**e like her. All my childhood I was abused to the extreme.

I've spoken up before about how I hate what they did to me. But it was them, and I dont hold it against ALL adoptive parents.

I found my birthmom a lil over ten years ago, wonderful woman. And to this day I don't speak to my adoptive parents & probably never will again. I couldnt tell you if they even know that technically they have 4 grandchildren. My birthmother is grandma, that's it.... my children also know that I wasnt fortunate enough to be raised by grandma, and was instead raised by people that wernt very nice to me.

I've kept my talks with my children very age appropriate & they know that I never got to experience the normal things in childhood. I've never had a birthday party or received a birthday gift, so in those circumstances, my oldest  (8) knows that sometimes she has to "bear" with me when I try to do such things with her. I'm trying my best.

As for being "unadopted" I really don't know if it can be done, from a legal standing. I simply chose to turn my back & walk away

Answer 8

You have to have someone else adopt you to get your birth certificate changed. As an adult you can consent to being adopted by another adult. If you know your first mom, great that would be excellent. If not though you can choose someone else.

You can also simple sever ties and change your name.

Answer 9

If it was a black market adoption, it can be annulled.  I think that's been done before.

I'm sorry you were placed with someone unfit to be a parent

Answer 10

As others have stated - being readopted - perhaps by your bio mum - will change your birth cert again - and remove your adopters names from you bith cert.

And as has also been suggested - do come on over to a place where you won't be told how YOU should feel about YOUR adoption -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

A support forum for adoptees (and some first mum's and friends) - by adoptees.

(look forward to seeing you there sometime)

Answer 11

As far as I know it is pretty freaking final. I am having my nmom readopt me though so I know you can do it that way.

Ty for that link grapesgum. What an amazing story!

Answer 12

Sorry adoption is forever.

If it really bothers you call the child protection center. Their job is to make sure children are treat correctly by their parents mentally and physically.

Dont keep your worries in. Express them to others who you think can help you.

Answer 13

Sorry, but you DO sound angry...  

Anyway, there is no way to "reverse" your adoption, but I think you can do what is called "adult adoption"  Look into it.  

However, a safer bet is to just move away, and have nothing to do with them.  I can't imagine why on earth anyone would adopt a 10-year-old and then treat them like that, but you may wish to talk to the state about what happened.  The probably won't reverse the adoption...  I'm not even sure they CAN reverse the adoption, but you want to make sure they're not adopting any more kids and torturing them.

Answer 14

yeah defiantly if it can be done it can be undone. I'm assuming that social services can take a adopted childed away from a abusive parent or else abusers would adopt children so they can abuse them without being taken away. But as for after you move out I don't know I'm assuming you could disown them sever all ties and never see them again (that would be close to writing them off your birth cirtifricate)

Oh and yeah that story was moving grapegum

Answer 15

it realy is final in case your adottied parents decided they dont wont you witch is very rare

Answer 16

I am so sorry this happened to you.  Do you have a relationship with your first mother?  She can adopt you back, thereby severing your legal relationship with your adopters.  Here is an article about a woman who legally adopted her daughter back:

http://www.adoptingback.com/adopteddaugh...

Good luck!

Answer 17

My adoption sucked, too.

They could have returned you, but you can't ditch them, legally.  And people wonder why adoptees compare adoption to slavery...

I feel your pain, darlin!  Please come see us at http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum to hang with people who 'get' you.

Answer 18

You can change your birth certificate back to your birth parents. Also have a living will so that if anything happens to you your adopted parents wont get your kids if you have any or anything you dont want her having!!!