How friendly is too friendly?

Question

So I'm a junior in high school. I've known this particular man teacher ever since my freshman year. I had him for 9th and 10th grade. He's about 28 and just really nice (also very good looking!) He's fun to joke with and he's smart and takes interest in his students.

He found out my freshman year that i play guitar. he plays also and ever since then, he's been talking to me about it in school. I'll ask for help on some music theory or suggestions for songs, you know, small talk. But now it's like we've really formed this "friendship". He's not even my teacher anymore but we still see each other around campus. I admit that I have a teeny tiny crush on him, but that's natural right?!

But something makes me think he feels this is more like a friendship too than a student to teacher relationship.

I can just tell by the way he looks at me. He truly cares about me. Now maybe not in a romantic way, but he does care.

When I tell people about this situation, they think I'm trying to have an affair with him. But that's not it at all!!! He's just a really sincere person and it's hard not to fall for the guy! Especially when he's so sweet to you. He's let me borrow books and dvd's on playing and he's just always there to talk to.

The other day though, i was telling him a funny story and when he started laughing, he started to reach over like to touch my arm in a playful way, but then he stopped. I swear he flirts with me. and I'm not just saying that.

I really don't know what to do. I feel like a teachers pet w***e!

is this wrong to be attracted to him? I would never do anything wrong with him and I know he wouldn't either. But can he possibly just like me almost as if we were friends?

what are your thoughts on this situation?

Answer 1

It's totally fine to have a crush on your teacher.  You can ignore comments from other students.  It's not fine to have more of a relationship than that.  There's a fine line.  Be careful not to step over it.

Answer 2

you can talk to him as a student to teacher. i think he may have a 'more than friends' vision of you. you don`t want that. people may see you two being friendly and think there is something more. just keep to yourself and don`t get too friendly with him. focus on graduating school.

Answer 3

It sounds like you are slightly attracted to him. You are his friend/student and that's it. Nothing wrong with this.

Answer 4

For your own good, and for his, keep your distance from him until you graduate. Then, maybe you can talk to him more and be friendly... but even though he's not technically your teacher right now, your relationship should still be professional, as you are a student and he's a teacher at your school.

Anything else, even friendly, can put his career (and your reputation) at risk, and it sounds like you care about his well-being... so...

Just be careful, that's all I'm saying. Be friendly after you graduate, and after you're 18. Right now, be professional. I'm sure you understand how serious this could be, and I'm sure you can handle it the right way.

Answer 5

You need to be careful here and not for the reason you think.  I'm not suggesting that anything wrong is going on or that your teacher is some kind of evil person.  However, what other people think is the problem.  It is ethically and professionally wrong for a teacher to have any kind of relationship with a student other than teacher/student.  Friendship should be tabled until you graduate and that is because his whole career could be ruined by a single statement, even if the statement is false, made by someone who would want to hurt both of you.  There would be the whole ordeal of proving innocence to the administration, etc.

Another thing to consider is that in most states it is statutory rape for an adult (18) to have any kind of sexual relationship with a minor (under 18) even if the minor says it is OK.  I'm not saying that is going on either, but one statement from someone, even if the statement is false, to law enforcement could get your teacher arrested.  These days the news is full of stories of teachers taking sexual advantage of their students and being arrested.  To save your teacher this kind of ordeal, since there is such a great difference in your ages, again I suggest that you wait on your friendship until after you graduate.  Then whatever anyone says will not matter because you will be an adult.

If you can understand how dangerous your friendship is to him, I'm sure that you wouldn't want to do anything that would cause him hardship in his life.  Students get crushes on their teachers all the time, but in this day and age, you have to be careful when it is expressed, how it is expressed, to whom it is expressed and what forms it takes.  Otherwise you run the risk of others not seeing it for what it is and taking action that could be a disaster.

Answer 6

One thing is clear, this teacher might be attractive, but he isn't very smart. Touching a student in any way is a no-no!!! You be the smarter one. Keep your distance, don't play with fire.... if you care about him, because he can get in serious trouble for being so immature as a teacher. (he isn't your teacher anymore, but you are still a student and he is still a teacher at this school)

Answer 7

At my high school things like this happened frequently but these friendships were usually between upper class male students and male teachers and nothing bad really came of anything (except for the few occasions that students and teachers would hang out outside of school to smoke weed or something but I still don't see anything wrong with that). Keep your guard up and take note of how he treats you in class as well as outside of class. If you feel like he's treating you more like a friend or more in school I'd bring it to his attention and ask why! Be straight foward because you have nothing to lose where as HE DOES. If you feel like he's toying with you emotionally on whether or not he is interested in you romantically LET SOMEONE KNOW. Good luck and I hope it's no big deal for your sake.

Answer 8

Never get involved with your tutor it will all end in tears, my friend fell into exactly the same trap, she had an affair with her tutor she also thought he had genuine feelings but it turns out he was sleeping with about 5 other students, these teachers have a degree of power which gives them an ego and they use that against students like yourself. Not all teachers are like it i'm sure but i wouldn't advise you to risk anything happening between you. Suppose it gets all to much your studies will suffer as a result, your there to learn.

Answer 9

i think you would soo l**k his balls if he asked you to.

Answer 10

it is normal for all girls to have a little tiny crush on there guy teacher!since u like his personality....it is hard for u to go like oh no i have a crush him i should stop!it is ur choose to stop!and it really is normal just don't get involve with it!u know that way!try to think if u lead him on some way!ok if he makes a big move on u...u know where i am leading say this.."listen ur fun to talk to and to have help with!but i don't feel that way about u!we can be friends....but nothing more!i am sorry if i lead u on some way really i am!i hope we can be friends....just next time don't do that.....!!!if u do then we can't be friends!b/c i don't want to get involve with u r anything else!"leave and next time u see him he should stop doing that to u!try to break it to him nice!but be firm like ur not kidding!and the feeling (that tiny tiny crush u have)will go away!it is just someone ur crushing on b/c he is cute!and u r not a teacher's pet w***e u just feel that way b/c u r crushing on a teacher who is cute!and u think that is wrong just don't get involve!

Answer 11

I think you should keep things in balance. It's not a terrible thing to have a bond with your teacher but it can also be uncomfortably close. I think balance will keep you from completely blowing him off and also keep you from bringing up the subject of dating him for now.

If you need some space, go ahead and get some but don't make him feel like he's done something wrong. If he doesn't accept it, then you have a problem that needs to be brought up with you, the teacher and somebody else from the staff.

I think he can like you just as you describe it...without even wondering 'what it all means'. Maybe you need to know him better. Be a covert investigator (within reason) if it helps.