How hard did you find it to love again?

Question

I am completely devestated that my wife left me. We were together for 7 years, one of which we were married. That is when the problems started, she started to hate me i guess. i found out she was cheating on me, and on our first year wedding anniversary she was with another guy. the same guy she ended up leaving me for. she also was very emotionally abusive. i loved her unconditionally, and she meant the world to me. now i sit here broken hearted, and have the feeling of being lost. part of me wants to be in a loving and meaningful relationship, but the other (stronger part at this moment in time) just doesnt have the energy and willingness to start all over from scratch again. what is the sense of doing it all over when the same pain and heartache can just happen again. its the uncertainty of it all. i just dont know if its worth it. plus, how do i know that i can even love again. i dont know if i have anything left to give to someone else. no sense in hurting another because of my current inabilities. i know everyone says in time i will heal, but what if i dont... what if i cant. how can i rest assure knowing i will be able to love again when i dont feel like i can. how hard is it to open up again to another after going through this?

Answer 1

This is really tough. I have been there but ultimately it comes down to a simple decision...do you close yourself off forever and build a wall around your heart or do you take a chance and live life to the full and try and resolve the issues as they occur.

If you meet the right woman she will be supportive of you and help you through your emotional issues. Its been nearly 8 years since my bitter divorce and I still struggle with some issues but I try to hide them from my partner and deal with them privately.

Try this site out as the free techniques can really help you offload your emotional problems emofree.com

Don't hide from life ..that wonderful partner who will love and respect you as a person may be just round the corner. Money u can always get back and self respect doesn't have to be tied to past problems

Answer 2

It's d**n hard. It sounds like you're not ready to start anything new and that's ok. I really do feel your pain. I found after my break up I compared everyone I tried to date to my ex. It just hurt me more. He left me last New Years Eve. I have tried to date, but all I can do is think of him, the one I really want. You have to wait until you're done grieving for your marriage. Sometimes that can take a year or two. That's ok. It's better to really get over it then to start something of a rebound.

I'm really sorry to hear she cheated on you and left you for someone else. That is a hard thing to get through. It may be best if you try to talk to a specialist instead of asking advice online. There are underlining problems that you're going to have to face if you want a successful relationship in the future. I'm sure you'll find Ms. Right. Don't be in a rush. Just heal your heart.

Answer 3

sorry to say but you need to heal before going out with someone, and yes time does heal all. the one thing i can tell you stop wondering what you did because yes it takes two but then one is out cheating you have no hope.  also you should do something you like and try not to think about her anymore.  i hope you two did not have any kids together because from the sound of it that would not help you at all.  good luck

Answer 4

its really easy as long as you DONT think that you want to fall in love again. Try it.

Answer 5

It sounds like you're in love with a version of your wife that doesn't exist anymore. You need to remind yourself that she was selfish and dishonest and that you deserve someone who will treat you the way you treat them. Its always hard trying to open yourself up to someone new after suffering like this but time and courage will allow you to move on and find a woman who can love you unconditionally as well. It was not your fault that your wife did what she did but you can't beat yourself up for it either. Take some personal time for yourself to get back on track with your life goals and when you feel ready, try dating again. Explain politely that you've been hurt in the past and want to take things slow. We've all been there at one point and anyone who's worthy of your affection will understand and respect that. Good luck and be strong!

Answer 6

After I found out my 1st husband cheated, we divorced. I was devastated and had 3 kids. I was not looking for love but it found me. I was lucky to have a wonderful, male, best friend. We have a lot in common and I was as surprised as anyone when I realized I loved him. We've been married 15 years. Don't let your wife's horrible behavior turn you bitter. Of course it's painful but believe me, there are nice, caring, faithful women out there who would love to find a man with the same traits. Your wife obviously wasn't the marrying type or perhaps she just doesn't have morals. That's not your fault. Be pickier the next time. Becomes friends first. That way you know what the person is truly like. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

I was in a relationship for 5 and a half years and i was convinced that we would be together forever.Then it ended in a horrible way..i was absolutely devastated and convinced that i would never find anyone or fall in love again.Then out of the blue i met the most amazing man who i am now having a baby with.Sometimes in life we have to go through bad times so we can truly appreciate the good times.This woman is not the one for you if she was she wouldn't have cheated on you or treated you the way she did.There is someone out there for who will make you feel like the happiest man in the world.And you will find her when you need her the most but when you least expect it.I wish you all the best.

Answer 8

Ready- Take baby steps, do things for you

Exercise- raises your endorphines (fights depression)

Bicycle, or take Walks, Hikes, or Runs (outside in the SUN gives you Vit.E fights depression)

Start eating more fresh fruits and raw veggies like celery, and carrots, and red tomatoes

No sodas, No smokes,

Brush your teeth 3 times a day, and flose at night before bed

Simple habits that will change you,

Then never justify a persons bad behavior or make excuses for it.

I am sure while you were dating your ex you saw signs, that you new she was not good for you.  But you justified her bad behavior

Answer 9

I was in a similar situation but it's amazing how quickly you can get back on track. Humans are resilient. I am now in love with someone else - the lvoe of my life and so much better than my original partner!

Just hang on in there, keep busy and have your friends around you. When you're ready you will find love again ;0)

Answer 10

My friend, go out to the world and ask if there is anyone whose heart hasn't ever broken? You will find very few people answer "Yes".   Don't think it is happened only to you. It happened to me many times over and over again until I found my true love. I loved those b******s dearly and dedicated everything I ever had. They walked over my heart and feelings. My heart bleed like river, but I had power to regain my strength and pump up my heart. I found my love. Never felt so good. For the wife who left you. Be thankful to the God that he helped you to get rid of a cheater. A cheater is a cheater. You don't deserve her. You deserve someone better than her. She sound like just used you. Stop feeling sorry about yourself and time will heal your broken heart. Have faith and never give up. Be strong!  Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away…..  There will be the moment that will take your breath away...

Use your time wisely, do something good for yourself.

Answer 11

You poor dear i am surprised why a person loves you for 7 years and then hates you and goes, i have not experienced this but my brother has it took him quite a while to get adjusted to be being single and pluck up the courage to ask someone out, i suggest you join a club that caters for divorced people and i would be rather weary  just in case.  

Answer 12

You need to toughen up. Get a new attitude, F that B and get her out of your mind! You are responsible for your own happiness and future. Dont let that cheating ho ruin another min of your life. Good luck

Answer 13

Everyone is right. It will all get better with time. I felt the same way after a relationship ended that I was serious about. We even discussed marriage. Then randomly he just broke up with me. Then to add insult my good friend saw him out on a double date the NEXT day. So I know how you feel. It took me about 8 months before I would even think about going out on a date with someone else. Until then, it was my friends who got me through the rough patch. You have to keep yourself busy. Even after I started dating it was just casually. I wasn't looking for anything serious. You will know when your heart is ready. Giving your heart to anyone you risk the chance of being hurt. Be selective of who you give it to and that minimizes the risk greatly. Good luck to you and I wish you nothing but the best.