How has adoption affected you?

Question

I've read that 100,000,000 people in the United States have been touched by adoption. My wife and I are in the initial stages of becoming adoptive parents.

Answer 1

oh my! Well, first Im an adoptee.

Now, adoption CAN be a great thing. There are mothers out there who absolutely cannot take care of their child nor have any buisiness being a mother.

But in my case, I was given to an abusive family. I have recently reunited with my birthmom who has another child whom she kept. It is very hard for me to see how great a life she had when I was abused in my adopted family.

In the end you need to remember that the child comes first! It is not the child who is blessed to have a new home, it is YOU who are blessed. The worst day in this mothers life is going to become your most wonderful day in your life. This mother is giving you HER GOLD!

Answer 2

How has adoption affected me? Interesting question.

I am a mom because of adoption. I have a child that means more to me than life itself.

I have learned what true unconditional love is because I give it and receive it all day every day.

This precious little girl makes my heart sing when the weight of the world makes it want to cry.

She makes me want to be a better person because she looks up to me and wants to be like me.

There are things in life that are sacred and you will die to protect. You would give up everything else you own for it and she is my sacred.    

That is how adoption has affected me.

Answer 3

Adoption made me a mom, then nine months to the day later, I gave birth to my daughter's sister.  :-)  Going from no children to two within a year was hectic, but a huge blessing to my husband and me.  I can honestly say that the people who told me that there was no difference in the love they felt for their birth children and adoptive children were absolutely right.  I adore these children with a love beyond anything I could ever imagine.

Additionally, I have been touched by adoption in that my grandfather was adopted as a baby after he was left on the doorstep of an orphanage in Chicago in 1912.  He was not told that he was adopted and discovered it at age 25 when going through his father's papers after his dad died.  This was a terrible way for him to learn about it, and it affected him badly.

On the other side of my family, my paternal grandfather died young, and my grandmother remarried when I was a baby.  Her second husband did not legally adopt anyone, but he treated my siblings and me over the years as if we were his flesh and blood granchildren.  He couldn't have loved us more, and I think of him often when I think about who taught me how to love children not of my bloodline.

Answer 4

Well, speaking as a child who was adopted weeks after my birth, I would say adoption has had a profound effect on my life. Because of the decision of a young girl barely 16 years old, I was given a loving mom and dad, an older brother, and extended family who all loved me very much. I had a life that I'm sure my birthmother dreamed of me having. I honestly feel like God hand picked my family! Adoption is a beautiful thing! Best of luck to you. I hope God blesses you with the child of your dreams, and blesses that child with the parents he or she deserves!

Answer 5

We're biological and adoptive parents (four kids, 2 bio, 2 adopted).

We adopted older girls internationally.  This has been a challenging road, but altogether rewarding, too.

Read up as much as possible on adoption, loss, grief, attachment and all the other issues.  Assemble a team of supportive people, family friends, an adoption support group, etc.  Learn as much as you can about it through these people.

Adoption is a wonderful thing, but not for wimps...

Answer 6

My best friend put her baby up for adoption.  It ripped my heart out.  I can't imagine what it has done to her.  I have tried to be there the best I can for her, but it is hard.  She gave birth in Dec and imediately gave her daughter up for adoption.   The two days she was in the hospital she only wanted her mom with her.  I talked to her once, but she did not want to loose any of the few days she had with her daughter.  She has an open adoption which seems to work good for them.

I was with her when she found out the she was going to have her baby.  She was devistated.  At first she was going to have an abortion.  I told her that I was her friend and that I would stand by her no matter her decision, but I also told her she had to sit back and make a decision that she could live with.  Being raised a devout Catholic I did not think that she could live with herself if she had an abortion.

I have seen her go through a lot and I myself have shed many many tears over this.  I don't know if she made the right decision or not.  She said she couldn't raise a baby and go onto college and become successful.  Well she hasn't taken any steps to get into college and has begun drinking away the thoughts of her daughter.  She has also begun doing drugs.  I defintely do not support these actions.  I hope she will make something of herself.  Esp since that was the reason she gave her baby up.

Her baby is so beautiful and I hope everything works out for the best.

I have much respect for women that are able to carrie there babies instead of have an abortion.  I cannot imagine being in their shoes.

My friends baby has went to a wonderful mother and father.  They are in there late 30's very successful and very very loving.  I know this baby will grow up being very loved and taken care of.

Thank you adoptive parents.  I was not the one who gave up a baby.  But I have seen how much it means to know that your biological child will be raised in a loving home.

Answer 7

I recently gave my daughter up for adoption at birth.  I think it's a wonderful option.  It gives a mother a second chance, to give her baby a better life then she could give.  It's way better then abortion, why kill the baby when you could give her/him to someone who either can't have children, or someone that will be able to care for her/him that you couldn't do.  It was my choice due to my age, and having 3 other children to support.  I didn't love her less, I feel like I gave her a better life, I gave her a home, parents that finacially could care for her needs the way I can't at this time.  I know that it was the best decision I could of made for her.  I appericate all the people who are adoption parents, cause there the one's who are helping us out.  Some girls are raped and had no choice, some just made a mistake, some are to young, some are homeless with no money.  It's just nice to know that your baby can still live and your giving her/him something more....something that you at the time of your life can't give her/him.  I am happy with my decision and praise god everyday for giving her to me.  I made another famiy happy and made me happy to give her a happy home.  I did it cause I loved her!!

Answer 8

Adoption is a trend that contintues to grow here in the U.S. But based on personal experience, there is really nothing worth giving a person a life that you and your partner helped make.

I also would think that it is basically or somewhat equal when you give a child a life by adopting him/her.

So, having a baby by adoption or by normal birth is the same thing because you both are nurturing a life.

GOOD LUCK with your process....!!!!

Answer 9

i miss my daughter. it was an open adoption but the adoptive mother slacks more every year. i once trusted and loved this woman so much that i trusted her to raise my child,(we met early in my pregnancy and she was by my side during birth) . now i hate her more and more with every picture and update that she fails to send. i have to be nice and not complain too much about her broken promises so i can keep track of where my daughter is. as soon as she turns 18 i will see her, come h**l or high water.and her adoptive mother better not get in the way. if someone gives you a child, be descent enough to give them pictures and updates and a video 2 times a year. thats not too much to ask.

Answer 10

Wow, I guess I can't fully express how adoption has affected me.  As an adoptive mother, it has allowed me to be a parent.  I cannot imagine my life without my daughter, whom I love more than life itself.  Adoption has allowed this little girl, nurtured and loved in another woman's womb, to now be nurtured and loved and cherished by so many in our extended family.  To watch a scared, grieving baby blossom into a funny, mischievious, active, happy toddler who calls me "mama" has been the joy of my life.

Answer 11

I was actually adopted by my half-sister and her husband. So yes, I took on their last name. Anyway, the end result is good. I absolutely believe in adoption. My other half and I are planning to adopt within the next couple years. I can tell you as an adoptee, it's definitely worth it!

But there are some things to remember when you adopt:

1. Be honest with the child. It's all about timing, but let them know before it's too late that they are adopted.

2. If you have another child already, NEVER treat the adopted child as second-rate, or less-preferred. You will regret it later.

3. Get to know the child's background/history. Get to know the child's heritage, ancestry, health history, etc.

I hope this has helped. :)

Answer 12

I have one adopted son, one biological son, and one biological daughter.

My oldest son is the adopted son, so this is the child who turned me into a mother.  I've learned, too, that there's no difference in how a mother feels about a child adopted from infancy and children she's delivered herself, although adoption has a set of extra elements that must be addressed long before the child gets old enough to be asking questions.

Adoptive parents need to think about what they'll tell their child when, how they'll present it, and how they'll need to be ready for the time when a reunion may occur.  They may need to put in a little extra effort in trying to help their child feel super-secure and have a sense of real belonging, and they need to think of how the child will be raised  in, and affected by, the culture they, the parents, have inherited from previous generations.  

I've found it was much easier to have my babies myself, and there has never been any issue of biological parents "somewhere out there" - which has been nice.

Since the younger of my children came after my adopted child, they've never known life without him; and he remembers his joy when his baby brother and sister were brought home.  They're all close.

I feel as if its very nice that I have one child who needed a mother but also had one boy and one girl myself.

I feel as if I truly have it all, but I have to say that my oldest son has given me reason to do a whole lot of thinking, learning, and studying about some things that I never would have thought about, learned, or studied if he weren't my son.

With each child I have become "more of a person" than I was previously, and having one adopted child has made me "yet even more of a person" than I otherwise would have been.

Also, having passed an adoption screening makes me kind of feel as if I was "certified" as being a good parent.  That's a silly part of being an adopted parent, but its kind of fun to imagine yourself as a "certified parent".

Answer 13

I think that it is a great thing that there are people like you and your wife in this world! Adoption is a hard choice! My uncle just found us after my grandmother gave him up for adoption almost 37 years ago and Its amazing how he looks like us, acts like us, fits right in. The only bad thing is that when his adopted mom found out he wanted to meet his birth mother she was fine with it, but now that he spends more time here shes upset with him. Just just thought it was going to be a one time deal and its not like that! Just be upfront with the child from the get go that he/she is adopted, thats my only advice. Congrats and best wishes!!

Answer 14

Hi I am 31 years old and was adopted as an infant. I grew up knowing i was adopted,plus i am 1 out of 4 children adopted from different families. By our parents. To be honest i am very proud to be adopted i grew up knowing i was special and i knew i was wanted. Though it is confusing and sometimes difficult not knowing my medical background i know it could be worse i love my mom and dad. They have had it rough having adopted 4 kids they're are good and bad.....

Answer 15

That is a very hard question to answer.  Adoption has affected me in so many ways, unfortunately.  While I have the comfort of knowing who and where my son is being raised, that knowledge does nothing for the impact of the loss of relinquishing him.

I'm probably going to get a lot of thumbs down for this answer.

The relationships with my family are severely impacted because of having to resolve their actions into what happened, and how they did not act appropriately to see me through the adoption process.

The relationship with my children that I have had since relinquishing has been impacted too.

And most importantly, the impact it had on my own sense of self was devastating.  I gave my locus of control to others.

But even with all the disappointment, I do know where my son is and I know he is living a good life surrounded by more people who love him.

Answer 16

congratulations!! and God bless you for taking on children that belonged to another and now will be yours!! this is what i dotn understand.. that is why us americans dont adopt children from our own country first.. so many that need loving parents

adoption for me and my ex was great

we had a newborn.. 8 month old, 2 yr old and 4 yr old

all be fore iw as 20

and ill tlel ya..i cried alot.. didnt know what to do at first and it was very emotionally and physically draining.. but somehow the parental hood kicks in and well we end up learning.. its been a hard time and a good times.. not alot of time for my ex hubby and myself .. we put our time into work and the kids.. but well rewarding when they finally reach 18 and leave the nest.. and we can say we did an excellent job...

kids dont come with instructions so we used alot of our own upbringing.. which helped alot

there will be trying times.. and times that your so dam proud you could just huggem always

its an up and down journey with no end really.. as they grow up..leave the home but they always come back.. for mom to do their laundry.. cook them a meal and of course my fav.."dad mom can i borrow some money"? hahah i lvoe that one the best.. i always say..."no you cnat, you never pay it back so ill give it to ya"

lmao

its what you make of it..if you use some of the upbringing form you and your spouse and a little bit of todays kids then you'll get it

good luck and hugss to you and yours

its a wonderful experiance even when your pulling your hair out!!..lol...jk

Answer 17

I adopted my wife's 8 yr. old handicapped son. In the end, - it was a factor in our divorce.

But I guess the handicap was a factor, - not that I adopted him. But then again, - I treated him like my son, - and 'managed' like a true father. I guess she thought that I was a 2nd class parent, or something 'less'.

Answer 18

Well I was adopted and affected in many ways, all positive.

I was lucky and my birthmother wanted to keep in touch with me so I've grown up happy and knowing why I was adopted.

I know that my life would not have been as great as it is now if I weren't put up for adoption.

If you do adopt, I have to tell you to try and get parents who want to keep in touch and whatever you do, DO NOT wait til they're a certain age to tell them they were adopted. Let them know their whole life. The older they get, the more mad it will make them.