How have your life experiences affected your views on adoption?

Question

Our stories speak louder than our idealogy. Do have examples of this in your lives of why you believe the way you do?

Answer 1

We waited seven years for the State of Pennsylvania to allow us to adopt our dd. The biological father was present briefly in the beginning then soon disappears for almost five years. And her first mom surrendered her parental rights early on. And yet no permanence for this child in almost SEVEN years. That is not fair to her!

Try explaining to an innocent confused five year old why she has not been adopted yet.  

My husband and I are not "saviors" to some poor little kid.....we are just two regular people that knew there was a need for this child to have a home. We did not "take her in" because we felt sorry for her. Sometimes I think she took us in because she felt sorry for us. ~~laughing.

No parent deserves a child.....but EVER child deserves a parent.

We are guiding her through life helping to build on the amazing person she already is.....she will probably never have a pony or brand new car at 16 but she will have; stability, safety , love and a place called home where when you come back they always welcome you with open arms.

We will adopt again!

Answer 2

I used to think adoption was a good thing , then my two eldest children were adopted agents my wishes then I justified it to my self that they will have a good life , ye right , how wrong I could be . My children were a boy & a girl . My son forgot that his sister was his sister & asolted her for 4yrs then their adopted parents beat him every day after that but they made my daughter sit &  hear his screams then she ran away and became homeless from the age of 13 till this September when she came home for help , she is also a drug addict  but has been clean for 6mths as she was pregnant & since had a boy . She is now fighting Social Services for her little boy aged 6wks . They are bringing up my past to get the baby by saying because she was adopted then the baby will be but since loosing my two eldest children I met a wondeful man who now knows all about my past ,we married & also have a child together . A boy , who has never been in trouble , every one he meets coment on his manners  & is very populer on the net & is 19 next mth so now I dont rate it at all . yes there must be nice adopted parents out there but only about 10 out of 100

Answer 3

Your life experience always affects your views on anything. Visiting the children's home where I adopted my babies from, I thought it was sad that several of the kids who had lived there since almost birth could not be released to be adopted because the parents would not sign off but yet they did not have the kids in their home nor visited very often. One boy was graduating high school and said he had been visited 3 times in the 12 years he lived there and was never taken on an overnight visit. Thankfully, he said his house parents were the parents he needed.

Answer 4

GREAT Question....

Well, for me, my first imperssion of adoption came when I was 7 and my adorable little sster was 2. Out of no where she just disappeared. I knew it was something that made my dad cry and my mom mad.

When I was 16 I decided to speak up and ask what happened. I knew her b-day and knew that my dad needed time alone on that day.

What happened is my dad came to visit us in another state, while he was gone, my sisters mom (dads g-f) moved out and didn't tell anyone where she was going. She filed to have his rights terminated by saying that he was "unknown". By the time he found where they were, she was already RE-MARRIED and had him adopting her under our noses. Noone expeced it. It was dirty, wrong and unneccessary. It's been 20 years now, and we finally reunited this time last year. We hit it off real well, AND THEN "Mongo the horrible" as we called her, found out and forbid us to see, speak or e-mail eachother. I missed her so much, everytime I saw someone who looked like her baby pic, I wondered if it were her. It was these memories that made me want an open adoption, bfather counceling too, both parents full and TRUE consent AND their families' blessings. I knew I could never do an agency type adoption, becuase I'd always wonder if the babies parents were informed, willing and competant to make the decision to place. This how I felt LONG before I had ever heard a negative adoption story. I just needed to know for myself.

Then there was the experience with my agency. Dispite the misinformation being put out there, PRIVATE ADOPTIONS HAVE THE SAME LEGAL REQUIREMENTS AS AGENCY ADOPTIONS. But we were and still are criticized by uneducated malicious nobodies, who think they know anything. I learned that our agency were out for themselves, when they pressured my sons fparents to place with one of their couples, because of their financial standing. They treated us like poo for not wanting them to take custody of him while we wait for finalization. They said it would be better if we terminated his parents rights ASAP, so they couldn't change their minds. I wasn't down with that and . Realy what's the hurry?

I can tell you now, unless it was a situation like with my son, where he NEEDED a home, I felt like I was truely NEEDED in a childs life, then I wouldn't do it again. I am very happy with the babes I have, but would be open to foster parenting when my kids are in school.

Even my experience here has helped shape my impression of adoption. I met a mom a lot like myself. I met a mom at the other end of the spectrum that fits right in to everone of Gersoms' stereotype. I met people who lost their children and placed their children. Some who are at peace andsome that struggle. I learned that there are people from all walks of life who are effected by adoption.

Answer 5

this forum has affected my views

i led a blissfully ignorant life before i came here and heard what the 'other' side is like. i was horrified. here i was tootling through life thinking everyone was happy and well. i had a good life as an adoptee, so everyone else must have too. right?

i have no idea where i got the idea that being adopted exempted us from all the ugly things in society. abuse, lies, neglect, these things existed in eveyones world, not just those 'biological' families.

i was so naive.

i have admitted before and will again, there are days i wish i could go back to my ignorance. the pain i see from some of us is crushing. but i would never appreciate what i have unless i saw what could have been. so for that i am glad i found this site.

i still feel that adoption is a wonderful thing. or at least it can be, i am living proof. but i acknowledge the potential for disaster and heartache.

in the right situation it is the best option, but no matter what the situation, we need to change things. reform.

i dont know if this is the answer you want, but it is my story and opinion. may not be right but it is honest.

Answer 6

Good question.  I have been thinking about this recently.  Yes, I had the infamous 'bad experience' with my adoptive parents--so did the other adopted son & their 2 bio kids.

However, I think what makes my own adoption even more frustrating is that it was completely unnecessary.  My mother was an educated, wealthy girl who had a large extended family.  She never had other children.  The relinquishment was painful for both of us.  But she wasn't married in the early 1960s.

That's why I'm adamant about adoptions that don't really NEED to happen.  If there is no addiction, abuse, or profound neglect, all attempts should be made to keep families together.

Answer 7

yeah  I use to think adoption was a good things. I was adopted by my grandparents. and that it was better.. but when I went and lived with my in laws (at the time) and seen how badly they treated there adoptive kids... and the difference I realized that its harder. and that if parents love there kids they should try to raise them, cause most *not all* adoptive families wont love them like they would there own.

Personally if they can't have kids, they'll treat the kids good, but if they have there own older and younger they treat them different then there own. *mostly*

So yea life affected my oppionions alot

Answer 8

I was never adopted, although I was in foster care from the age of 4 to 18.

My last foster family are considered my family in my mind. My biological parents are nothing to me.

My life has taught me just because you make a child, doesn't mean you are a parents. I have only love and respect for my foster parents, and my biological parents, well they are nothing.

I do have strong views against Adopted Children finding their birth parents, from my own bad experiences.

Takes more than sperm and an egg to make a parent.

Answer 9

I am adopted so therefore I believe adoption is sometimes a better choice. I would have had a horrible life if I wasn't adopted. People should be open minded to every option out there.

Answer 10

I am an actor who was adopted and that is why I think it is ok to make fun of adoption as I am a comedian (hint)

i will be gone tomorrow   have been in many many movies.

Answer 11

For a long time. I thought adoption was  wonderful .Parents that couldn't take care of their children giving their child to a good home, just wonderful.

  Boy did I have to wake up and smell the roses. After watching my son go through h**l and back over his rights's to raise his child that was stole through adoption. I see now just how the world See's these children. I see these children I call LOST CHILD because they are. They have lost the right to know who they are, where they came from. and had no choice in where they go from there.

    Then on the other hand having a daughter that can't have children with out adoption. Yea must be great to have some one give you a child and then be able to walk away but  now there is no way in h**l as a family we would do that. My grandchild would know who his or her parents were, I would even ask for the couple to make a video of them so the child would know what they looked like. No secret, no lies.

Answer 12

I had a bad upbringing but that doesn't mean that everyone is the same. If I were to adopt then I would hope I have enough love to go around and know there are a lot of good people out there who find the whole adoption process a wonderful thing  :)

Answer 13

I believe that there is not right or wrong answer to the adoption question as individual circumstances vary so widely. I was adopted and spent most of my life (I am now 35) under the misconception that my birth mother was an unfit person with dependency issues (my adoptive mother led me to believe this) and I blamed my own issues on my birth mother, thought all my faults must be hereditary! I was shocked to discover that this wasn't the case at all and I had to take a fresh look at why I had certain issues and how to deal with them. In the end it was a good thing. My birth mother has a contact veto in place so I am unable to talk to her about her experience, I would love to talk to her and see her (just to see if we look at all alike) but this won't happen. Now that I know the details surrounding my adoption I understand why she did it and am proud that she had the strength and courage to go through with the birth rather than abort. I hope she has led a happy life knowing that she did what was right at the time. My adoptive parents weren't particularly good parents and should not have been able to adopt, both my brother who was also adopted and I agree that we could've done better in the parent lottery but are both now happy adults with children of our own. Our experiences have taught us to really value love and family in what shape it comes in.

Answer 14

My brother was adopted, my parents belived that they couldn't concive so they adopted my brother. But shortly after they found out I was coming along. I have no siblings after me and my mom said I most likely would have been an only child. So I am so grateful that my brothers biological mom decided not to abort, or I wouldn't have a brother.