How important is heritage/tradition to you when you size up a lifelong partner?

Question

I've been raised in Southern California for most of my life, but I was born in London to Jamaican parents. I have family in both London and Jamaica, but I'm So. Cal. bred.

When I meet So. Cal. girls, they're very attractive to me as flings, but when I think about a lifelong partner, I can't see myself breaking the cycle of marrying Jamaican, because that's a part of my family.

I understand that we are NOT our family members and that we can be whoever we wanna be, but my whole life I've been working little by little to re-connect myself to family and heritage that I've only seen a little bit of since I was a very young boy. When I think about these dazzling women who flow in front of me in So. Cal., I know I've met some amazing women who would be treated like royalty in some parts of this world... still, I feel sometimes that marrying outside of my heritage, original nationality, or race could only take me further away from my sense of connection.

How do you see my situation from your own point of view? And how important is heritage-connection to you in dating life?

I know globalization means one day we'll all be one people, but my true personal feeling on the matter is not as philosophical as that...

Answer 1

I'll date and marry whoever the h**l I want.  

Answer 2

That is a personal choice. I would bet, however, that if you met a girl that you feel in love with, your views might change.  

Answer 3

I don't see anything wrong with wanting to marry someone of your own heritage as long as you marry them for love and not just because they are Jamaican like yourself.

  

Answer 4

What you want is a best friend for life who you are attracted to. NOTHING else is as important. So I;d read all you can about the qualities of a best friend.....a.mature one...and it HAS TO BE BOTH WAYS!

   1. Be Loyal. Always stick up for your friend and trust them, no matter what. No matter how tempted you may feel to join another side or leave them by themselves, make sure you always come through for them and show them that you'll always be loyal for them. If your best friend knows that, you're off to a good start.

   2. Listen. Nobody likes a best friend who just talks and talks, but never listens. If you're a chatterbox, it's okay if you're also a good listener. Whenever your best friend says something, listen carefully and say something. Don't just say "yeah" and move on. Don't interrupt or fidget continually while they're talking to you. If they ask for advice, listen carefully and give them the best advise you can. It'll earn you respect and of course, make them come to you more.

   3. Be trustworthy. If they tell you a secret, keep it. Don't even leak it out to someone you know you can trust. A secret is a secret. Don't gossip about your best friend, don't say anything that might turn into a rumor, and don't do things that you know would upset them. For example, if you both had a crush on the same person and they asked you out, don't just say yes. Make sure you know your best friend is okay with it. Things like that are sometimes hard to do, but if you want a solid friendship you have to be trustworthy.

   4. Stick up for them. Sitting and watching your best friend get picked on or teased is definitely not going to earn you a brownie badge in best friends. If your best friend is getting seriously bullied and you're scared you'll get hurt if you get involved, then get help from a teacher or parents. If you can stick up for them without getting harmed yourself, make sure you do so. Sometimes you can feel totally better after being picked on when a friend tells everyone else to shut up and clear off.

   5. Spend time together. Hang out on the weekends every now and then, do some homework together, and chat during break at school. You don't have to live in each others' pockets, but make sure you spend some quality time together with your best friend to make the friendship grow and become stronger.

   6. Be yourself. Being yourself around someone is part of what makes you guys best friends. Be best friends with someone who you know you can be yourself around, because it isn't worth it trying to be someone you're not so you can be closer to someone. Don't hold things in either, so if you feel uncomfortable or have hard feelings against your best friend, talk about it with them. Make things comfortable between you two, and you'll both go through thick and thin together.

   7. Care for your best friend. If they're away from home, send them cards or care packages to show that you care. If they're sick, call them and ask how they are doing. Best friends care for each other. Show them you appreciate their presence in your life. Write them notes to show that you care and are thankful for them, and ask about their lives. Share your own stories, but make sure you have time for them.

Tips

    * Talk to your best friend more and more each day little by little until they get used to you.

    * Ask your best friend if they want to hang out and go shopping or something.

    * Get your best friends screen name, myspacmy spaceceboFace bookey have one.

    * Be yourself and have fun.

    * Never ignore each other.

    * Have fun activities planned with your best friend like, go to the beach on a hot day or go on a shopping spree with your best friend.

    * If they have a boyfriend/husband or girlfriend/wife don't try and get the other person out of the picture because chances are its just gonna backfire on you. Give your best friend sometime to hang out with there girl/boyfriend too. Get to know the girlfriend/boyfriend and try and talk that person. (Just make sure you aren't too friendly, this will make your best friend think that you want their boyfriend/girlfriend).

    * Be yourself and do not act fake.

    * Don't be constantly boring. ACT CRAZY AND HYPER WHEN THE TWO OF YOU ARE TOGETHER!! That is what best friends are all about.

    * Try and become friends with your best friends other friends. Also have your best friend try and become friends with your friends.

    * Make sure you trust your best friend.

    * When she is or he is trying to tell you a secret make sure you keep it as a secret.

    * When your friend is trying to tell you something give your fullest attention

    * When your best friend tells you something, you believe it above anything, and never second guess them.

    * If there is a side to take between your best friend and someone else, be there for your friend but if the fight'fightsen your best friend and another good friend, stay out of it and dont take any sides!! it will backfire on you and the other person will probably find out and then you'll be in trouble.

    * If your best friend makes a mistake, know that its okay and forgive them. Sometimes it can be hard to do, but if you know the real them, then its probably just a accidental mistake. Help them learn from there mistake, and be right by there side all along. It'll make the friendship stronger knowing that you are both are there for each other.

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Answer 5

means absolutely nothing.  do i like the guy?  do i love him?  do we share that same interests, etc?  that's all i need.

Answer 6

In my experience cultural sames are very important in marriage.  It is important to me to marry someone with the same traditional values that I have and to be with someone with the same moral set.  If there are many differences then it would be hard for me to understand the person I was married to.  I have dated seriously two men from very different cultural backgrounds than mine and it did not - either time feel right to me.  When I came together with their family's it was awkward for me, it did not understand even the simplest dinner table manners they had.  Things like this.