How important is it for this divorced dad to spend 1 on1 with his 8 yr old son?

Question

I split visitation 50/50 with exwife and have been divorced since my son was 1 yr old.Sue(wife)has been in my sons life since he was 2 yrs old.Most of the things We do as a family(me,son and sue)Only about 10% of the time i have my son is it 1 on 1 without sue around and its only small times playing catch in the back yard or riding our bikes.Is this ok? Or should I be doing say more daytrips(baseball games,fishing trips ect) with my son without sue?My son loves Sue but is very needy of my attention(age?) and likes me to himself. Also Sue and i go to disney every yr(adult trip) without my son which he always wonders why he can't go.The reason we don't take him is money is tight and we only take 1 big vaction a yr, its like our time together.But what do i tell my son when he says he wants to come?

Answer 1

You need a lot more individual time with him than just 10%, even your son does love Sue. Even if you were still married to the birth mother of your child, you would still need one on one time with him. My son is 8 also and I'm a single mom of 3 but I still spend lots of time just me and him hanging out.. playing games.. football.. skating.. each week.. because i know its very important..

Why not just make it a dad and son trip? No one really NEEDS an adult trip each year, if your relationship needs that to be good then you have troubles.. Your son needs that time with you more than her, she's your wife she gets to see you all of the time.. Being an 8 year old boy you need that time with dad..

Answer 2

Try to spend one on one time with him it is very important and he will never forget it. Camping is a great alternative trip to take with just him no step mom. Its cheap and boys love to camp and fish and get dirty in the woods. It was me and my son for his first 6-1/2yrs his father wasnt involved at all. I married a wonderful man who treats him as his own but he still needs the one on one time with me We take a week to camp just me and him (yuo I learned to fish and cant say I enjoy it but I know its a boy thing and do it anyway) And then me and my husband take a week by ourselves because its also important we get our time to. He doesnt like being left behind but I remind him of all the just us time we spent. I will take a day on some weekends and just be with him. We dont have lots of $ either but hikes and fishing dont cost much and it gives us our time. h**l never forget those times and it will bring you closer as he gets older. Have fun and Good Luck

Answer 3

you need to spend more time with your son 1 on 1. my partner has a 5 and 8 yr old and i have been in their lives for over 4 years but they love being on their own with their daddy. and im sure for one year you can afford to take your son to disney with you....he will soon get to the age where he will probably resent sue for taking away all his time with you so just be careful!

Answer 4

You need to spend 1 on 1 time with him.  Also, why don't just you and your son go to Disney this year?  I am sure since Sue is an adult, she will understand the need for you guys to go without her..................

Answer 5

You deff need to spend more time with your son without your current wife, and sounds a little selfish to me for you not to take your son along with you on your ONE big trip for the year. Save up some extra money and take him with you, he prob feels left out. Besides if you only have split custody its not like you and your current wife never have any time alone!

Answer 6

It's great that you guys do stuff as a family!!! But your son would probably be extactic to have some male bonding time with dad. That way, he has all of your attention, no girls around, you guys can just be boys. It's really important that he has that time with you. A boys only camping trip or fishing trip sounds awesome.

As far as Disney goes, why don't you and Sue take a trip someplace else, like the beach or something for half the time, then take your son to Disney the other half. Just you two. I'm sure the 8 yr old would appriciate Mickey far more than a grown woman. Going to Disney world every year w/o him, has to make him feel awful....I'd be jealous too.

Answer 7

You do not have to go on a one on one vacation with  your son

But it's important for a father(divorced or not) to spend one on one time with there child

Baseball game are fine

Anything you son likes

You can do a few of them a year

If you live by a big city, New York, Boston, Chicago, you can spent a day there with him

Yesterday, I took a bus trip from the town to NYC to the america girl store, and time to shop in NY

It was fill with mothers/daughters

It is important to spent time with your child by yourself

It's good for boy

Not everyday

If you go a a vaction, and sue comes, have a day where she is fine doing girl things, and you and your son do guy things

Camping is fun for most boys

Day fishing trip on a boy, my dad did that with my brothers, the older by himself, the two younger togeter(six years and two girls between them)

Yes, spent time by yourself and you son

You will never forget the times, and neither will he

Answer 8

I think you should take your son on your vacation. He is just in need of more attention from his dad. Also try to spend more time with him.

Answer 9

I think a kid NEEDS that one-on-one time with their parents!!

You're entitled to your vacation with your wife to help the marriage to stay fresh ..

BUT does it have to be so "kid-tempting" as Disney World!!!

Oh wow, it's like eating candy in front of a kid and making all the noises and saying how good it is and not giving him a taste!!!  So mean!

Try going to Vegas or somewhere else with your wife one year and the next year it's Disney with the kids..

Afterall life is different when you have kids, and you should want to include them in your life.. and yeah money is most def more tight.. but ALL should enjoy a trip when the money is there.. if you can't afford to take the whole family.. find another cheaper trip.

PS

Kuddos for caring enough to ask... most (divorced) dads just ASSUME they're doing enough..

Answer 10

I cannot believe you do not take your son with you to Disney. I would feel so terrible if I left my child at home. I

Answer 11

First, if you're going to Disney you need to bring your kid.  At least once.  Make a long weekend getaway the vacation for you and your wife.

but YES YES YES YES YES you need to make sure you have alone time with your son.  Those things you threw out there-fishing, ball games, etc-DO THEM.  He needs to feel special and like you think of him for the big things.  If all you do is little stuff with him and do the big fun stuff with your wife then he's going to feel like she's more important.  Do something once a month at the very least.  Doesn't have to be expensive, just has to be out somewhere just the two of you.  It is very important to him and should be to you too.