How in the h**l can i make this work with her being like this?

Question

So, me and the father of my two daughters split up in January. He has a new girlfriend whom is currently pregnant with his third child. And I fully respect this. I don't have any problem with her, although, from what i hear she's not the nicest person in the world. I was raised in a very close knit family, and I believe it's crucial for him to be in the girls' lives. But his new g/f is always objective to him being around me. I can understand that to a certain extent, but I've sat down and talked to her about how I'm accepting of their relationship and although it may be hard for me, If he's happy I'm happy for him. But still, she throws a sh*t fit every time he comes to see the girls. I'm someone that believes there is a way to have a family without the parents of the children being together. I want a friendship with him. I don't want it to be mommy one day daddy the next. I don't think it's wrong for me to want to take the girls to do things together....WITH him. I've tried my best to befriend his girlfriend....but she always seems to brush my gestures off, and turns around and tells my ex I'm "harassing" her. It's ridiculous. I understand she's a huge part of his life now, but I don't think that gives her the right to push my kids out of it.....Any advice?

AND.....

I'm not saying me and him need to be with our kids alone.....likt I've said, his g/f is being difficult, and will not agree to come and do things with us all. I'm sorry I'm just trying to set a positive enviornment for my kids, and considering that her child and my children ARE going to be related, I think it;s best that we also become friends, or h**l at least be ceach other eachother.

Answer 1

It's really ironic that this woman feels so territorial when she fooled around with a married man.  What is she worried about?  That what goes around comes around and the she'll be put in the same situation as you were in January?  I suppose she has good reasons for feeling insecure.  

Having a civil relationship is not something you can force upon her.  Rather than reaching out to her, you have to discuss things with your ex.  She cannot push your kids out of your ex's life without his consent.  If she isn't comfortable having a "friendship" with you then you must respect that and leave her alone even with your good intentions.  Speak to your ex and continue to work on having a good relationship with him.

Answer 2

January was only 8 months ago, I'm sure it would be difficult for any "new girlfriend" to accept that her boyfriend's ex-wife is "fine" with their relationship, plus she's pregnant.  I'm sure her hormones are really affecting her judgment as well as her body image insecurities.  Maybe it would be best if you give everyone a chance to accept the divorce.  As much as you want everything to stay the way it was (for the sake of the children), it can't.  I think you should give your daughters the chance to be with their dad and "step-mom" as well as just with you to adjust to the different family environments.  After a while I'm sure the "friends" thing will work itself out.  I'm sure your intentions are good, but as they say, "the road to h**l is paved with good intentions".  Even though you're ready to be a good sport about the whole situation, others may need some time to get on the same page.  Let the dust settle and take it from there.  

Answer 3

Sounds very complicated, my heart aches for you as a fellow mom separated from my kiddo's daddy. She sounds selfish, did you ever  try to explain to her the importance of him seeing his  'other' family? I'd go about it speaking on behalf of the girls, because despite her negative ways, she has to realize how important it is for him to see his family. She seems jealous of her sweetie's past and you can't change the past if you could, I'd be one of the first to change lots of  things. But I'd try one more time to talk about it and if she still freezes you off I'd  leave it be. I know that sounds hard, but things will work out for you one way or another, God loves you and I'm praying for you all. God Bless my dear.

Answer 4

What a power player you are! You said you have no problem with the new girlfriend. Then you said, however I hear she is not the nicest person in the world. Dear...you have a problem with your husbands new life and you need to be responsible for that and get it resolved. And what is this if he is happy I am happy c**p. Give me a break. I think what you really want to do his knock his block off.  

Answer 5

Get a restraining order against her so she can't come around and just tell your ex that you tried to include her but she refused and was always causing trouble so now she has an excuse to stay away. If he has a problem with that and stops seeing the girls then you'll know what kind of man he really is, like you don't already know since he left you and the girls for someone else. Good luck.

Answer 6

i completely agree. this too is what i would like, but my prob is the ex himself!!

in your situation, HE needs to be the one handling the issue..

Answer 7

Its one thing to have him involved in their lives, and to be their father, but that means that has nothing to do with you...anymore. It means, that you do not do things as mommy and daddy together anymore. That is the way it works. And he has a g/f whom is pregnant...you do not need or get to have personal time with him anymore. You guys are not together. Your the parents of 2 little girls. That is it. Be friends with him on the phone or when he comes to pick them up. You have no place in his life anymore.

Of course she is going to have a fit for you wanting mommy and daddy time together. I would too. It is unfair of you to have these kinds of expectations. Its over. You need to move on with your life. Find yourself a boyfriend.

Seriously...mommy and daddy time ended in January.

Answer 8

I totally agree with you! If she doesn't want you and your ex-husband to be alone with your daughters, then she should come along! It is her fault for not wanting to be accepted as part of the family. I think you are a wonderful person to be so accepting of her and not wanting to be bitter. I think you are doing everything that you can to incorporate her into your daughter's lives. If she is going to throw a fit, then she is very immature and shouldn't be having a baby. Hopefully having her own children will make her calm down some and in time you can ALL do things together. I hope you keep doing what you are doing.. I wish you luck :D

Answer 9

She needs to come to the realization your daughters came first and that you and your husband will always have a connection  My daughter and ex are both remarried  They all work  together for what is best for there daughter  They keep communication open They respect and help each other out  They all have learned to work together That is what she will have to  grow up and learn to do She has to realize she can not have him all to herself  Her child will be there sibling  

Answer 10

W!!  If all ex-girl friends were like you, what a wonderful place for our kids to live.  You sound like a great, intelligent, thoughtful, and mature woman.  no wonder the new gf hates you.  You're a hard level to look up to.  She is obviously insecure and is afraid your ex (her current) will see how wonderful you are.  give her time to show her potential or short comings.  You would be hard to beat and she knows it.  Keep true to yourself.  You are an inspiration.

Answer 11

Yeah sure one big happy family . Husband wife kids and girl friend . Good luck .