How in the world can you believe that you have found "the one"?

Question

You hear so many people say "I just knew" that this was the person for me and then they are divorced.

Do you think its wrong to marry someone if you are very compatible and have the same goals & values but don't have that "a-ha!" moment of thinking this person is "the one"?

Answer 1

It's because couples now a days aren't willing to put the work into their relationship

Answer 2

Personally, I feel that you should be crazy about the person you intend on spending the rest of your wife with. But you also have to be friends.

I dated men that I was "compatible" with and almost considered marrying one. I realized I would've made a BIG mistake because I was not passionate about him at all....And then I met my husband, who I knew was the right person for me the day we met. Years later, we are still lovers and best friends...

Answer 3

Yes I think it is wrong to marry someone if you are only very compatible and have the same goals and values but don't have that "a-ha!" moment of thinking.  What happens if you marry and one of you finds that "a-ha!" factor in someone else?  Marriage is not a business deal.  How could you make love and be intimate with someone just because you are "compatible"?  

To each his own though.  My exbf dumped me because he wants children and I can't have any.  He is looking for a baby maker for him as we speak.  It took him 4 years to dump me for good because we have a huge "a-ha!" factor.

Answer 4

i think that "a-ha " moment is just passion which fades over time

Answer 5

well i think anyone you want to marry you need to have some ort of unexplained spark with, For me and my hubby is pretty simple my heart just aches when im not with him and thats only because i love him so much and i think alot of people forget that feeling and let go of one another through time

Answer 6

You DO know the one when you meet them.  But just because they are right for you doens't mean the relationship is effortless or problem free.  You have to work on any relationship to make it work.  Most people do not want to do this.  One mistake and it's out the door filing for divorce.

Answer 7

Actually I am the opposite right now, I have found "the one" and we have a baby girl together married, have had our ups and downs but when you're strong in your marriage and can get through those problems and make your marriage work by God not by your self but Jesus Christ. i actually find it hard to believe at times that I am with him. it can happen. Just both people have to have the same morals and you have to be able to work at your relationship and not give up.

Answer 8

Other than the fact that I was very attracted to my husband, I saw how great he was with kids and he was a very sweet and funny person. It doesn't hurt that he's a great lover too :) You really have to get to know a person (and their family) before you jump in head first if you want to get serious with them.

Answer 9

I don't think people have the a-ha thing happen when it is "the one" It took me nearly 3 years and a lot of drama to realize that my man was my partner for life. I think it is just when you get the feeling that nobody else could compare to them and you love being with them and you just click with them better than any other guy. I can see myself raising a family and growing old with him and it makes me so excited and proud to say he is my man

Answer 10

I personally don't believe that there is a "one" for  each person.  I think that there as as you say people that we are compatible with and that we are attracted to and you get together and either make it work or don't. There is no magic involved unless you live in a fairy tale.  Being in a relationship can be hard work sometimes but it can also be totally wonderful.  If you sit around waiting for the "a-ha" moment to happen upon a first meeting, you may be sitting around a long time or you may jump into something with the wrong person just because of an intense physical attraction.  My sister tells me that I'm way too logical and not romantic enough but I've been married for over 25 years and she's twice divorced.  

Answer 11

I agree with Dee M. I have married for 11 yrs. All of them werent easy but we are happy. I think if it's possible I love my husband more now then I did when we met.

Answer 12

Do NOT settle.  Do NOT settle.  Did I mention that you should NOT settle!

Marriage is hard enough when things are perfect.  Too many people marry saying "Oh they are dependable and so nice and they love me."  Well guess what?  That's not enough.  You need to know tha you know this person is the most wonderful person you have ever met and you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

Yes..this kind of passion might fase a bit over time..but it is so crucial that you enter the relationship with the best expectations and only love for your segnificant other.  Like the old song says LOVE will keep us together.  Without it..you will not make it through the tough times ahead.

Do NOT settle.

There MUST be the "a-ha!" moment.

Answer 13

Honestly you should marry someone you love and want to spend the rest of your life with...I don't believe in "The One" but i do believe that there is someone that everyone can have a successful life long marriage with. I think that most people who find the one and get married are blinded by love, and sometimes that backfires, but other times, it works out.

Answer 14

If that's wrong, then I'm wrong, because that's exactly what I did.  My wife and I were very compatible, especially regarding our goals and values, but neither one of us had an "a-ha!" moment.  It worked for us.  About a month ago, we celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary.  After all these years, I can say without doubt, she may not be THE one, but she is MY one!

Answer 15

Believe me you just know when you have found "the one".  If you don't have that "a-ha" feeling then you don't get married.  Gut instinct tells you whether or not the person is the one you should be spending the rest of your life with.  Its quite a strange feeling and hard to describe.

Sadly though too many people jump into marriage far too quickly nowadays and don't work at their relationship or marriage.  You have to be there for each other, love, support, emotionally, financially etc.  But you also are an individual.  You have to be known as "you" too. Not just so and so's wife or husband.  You do things as a couple and singly too.

Whether it be a sport or a class of some sort. Whatever.

You have to be compatible otherwise in years to come you will have nothing to talk about.  No interests at all.

I knew someone who had been with her fiancé for 9 years they got married and 4 days after getting married she decided she was bored with him!!

Answer 16

You should be honest with the other person about your feelings.  Sometimes when you are compatible then love will come later.  This may be a great relationship.

Answer 17

My Mom always told me I would just know when I met the right one. I was always like, yeh right, what does she know, she has only been married 29 yrs (at the time). But a friend set me up on a blind date one night. Her and her husband and me and my date went out to eat pizza and then went and rode go karts. Well when my date got on the go kart, he turned his hat around backwards, I looked at my friend and said I am going to marry him. Don't ask me why my a-ha moment happened then, I don't know, but it just hit me, he was the one. Our first kiss, sparks flew, literally, we had blue sparks. It was so funny. Our 10 yr anniversary is next month, Sept 19th and I still get gooey when he turns his hat backwards. Ahhh love, it is grand. And guess what, Mom is always right!

Answer 18

It may sound cliche, but I knew the minute I saw my husband and now 20 yrs and 3 grown children later he's still my best friend.  We do everything together.  We are a military family and can still drive from one end of the country to the other and never run out of things to talk about.  I think most people do know, now whether they act on it I don't know.  I think it's wrong to marry someone based on goals and compatibility, those things can change with time, but love won't.  I'd live in a cardboard box with my husband if that's all we could afford, as long as we were together.  If our next 20 years are as great as our last 20 years, then i'll die the happiest woman in the world.   It's a great feeling to know your loved, not just "compatible"    

Answer 19

I, like so many others, felt the Ah-Ha and convinced myself that we were compatible and had the same goals.  I was blinded by love and I made a horrible mistake (with the exception of the birth of my son).  Ah-Ha and no Ah-ha - I would request feedback from other sources than your own heart, such as your parents and best friend and siblings and lay the ground work first for them to be completely honest with no retributions from you.  I hope I don't sound too jaded here.  I do truly believe that if you two honestly are very compatible and truly have the same goals that those are the strongest long lasting foundations to a strong and sturdy lifetime long lasting happy marriage where as love and respect grow each and every year.

Answer 20

There is no "the one"...there are "the many" that would be suitable partners. It's always a gamble. What seems a great match today may come crashing down tomorrow. All you (in general) can do is try to get to know one another as well as possible, be sure of your feelings today, and if you decide to marry then accept that it will last as long as it's good and right for both (that may or may not be the rest of your lives).

Answer 21

its an emotional high thing, its a completely deep understanding. Unfortunately that can fade after time. Some people are lucky enough to feel it and keep it. Its a powerful emotion, its weird it's completely unbreakable and you can feel it beating on its own. You just feel completely impenetrable.  

Answer 22

Fact of the matter is there is no such thing as the magical "The one" that has been romantasized, it's fiction.  

There is however the magical effect of hormones that will give you the "a-ha" moment of thinking the person is the one.  That's why you see the examples of what you are talking about.

Truth is, once the period of pure passion wears off, every single relationship takes a lot of work and give you a lot of headaches in the process.  Most people these days are too used to the instant gratification that our society has fostered in recent decades, so once they hit the spot where it becomes work they ditch it in the all too easy to obtain divorce file.  

If you find someone that you are compatible with and both people are really committed to the relationship and put the necessary work into it to make it flourish, then after a few yours you'll sudenly realize that this person is "the one".

Answer 23

The reason I know My husband is the one is because i consulted god. God has a spouse for all of us. That's not to say you don't have to work at it because you do. Just because God brought you to your spouse doesn't mean it will be perfect. Marriage is the hardest thing you will ever have to work at. It is a never ending job. But the rewards are amazing.

Answer 24

If you have not had the a-ha! moment then do not get married.