How in the world do I resolve this family problem???

Question

I have 3 "grown"? daughters. My 26 year old is married with 2 children. My 23 year old is a single mom of one and expecting again in January. She is engaged to the children's father. My 18 year old is still at home. Last week the 23 year old's daughter bit the 26 year old's daughter. They are 22 months & 18 months old!! The 26 year old took her daughter to the pediatrician & the dr. "made a big deal" about the bite mark. Said the children should be seperated at all times (you get the point). My oldest daughter said something to the 23 year old daughter & she got angry. They probably BOTH overreacted but - WHATEVER! Since that argument the oldest daughter has been VERY nasty to the other 2 girls & said some very mean things about my husband & I. She has gone so far as to involve other friends & more or less try to get them on "her side". She has involved my sister-in-law and sent her several e-mails & made several phone calls to her. What my oldest daughter doesn't know is that my sister-in-law TOLD us some of the very nasty & hurtful things that the oldest daughter said about all of us - we all have very hurt feelings. I DO NOT want this to destroy my family but there are so many hurt feelings & there have been so many lies told that I don't know if this can be repaired easily. Does anyone have any advice regarding what could be done to eliminate the hard feelings that have come out? Should I tell my oldest daughter that we are aware of all the things her husband & she have said about us? HELP!!! I've lost way too much sleep over this already.

Answer 1

I know EXACTLY how u feel, I'm not stuck in the same situation, but i know the whole grown up girls fighting like that, my older sister, is very much like that, shes 18 and stays at home, if she doesn't get something likes, then she takes it as far as to commit suicide and calling the police over something really small. But all my parents can do, is nothing. I'm very sorry to say, but girls that old can do a lot, and just be careful they don't do something stupid, and just forget about it all, cause you know that  in a while from now, it'll all be over, and you'll be laughing at it, or just ignore it because you know it will eventually end. sorry to hear i know exactly how you feel (once again)  

Answer 2

Way to go doc! That guy was obviously a quack. Well do you believe your eldest daughter believes the stuff she is saying or is she jumping on the band wagon with the husband. If it were me I would just ask her "Did you really mean what you said about us when you spoke to (sister in law)?" What did I do to offend you? Is there anything I can do to make you feel different? These questions should help you get to the root of the problem and hopefuly it can be resolved

Answer 3

You really need to have a long talk with her. Tell her that she is an adult and should know better than to ruin peoples lives with slander and rumors. :You should also say that she needs to stop be rude and obnoxious because she is hurting your entire family and might end up losing your respect very soon if she doesn't stop this. If she continues to do this, I would just leave her alone and advise your daughters to do the same. Eventually she'll realize that she needs to grow up soon or shes going to end up alone with her hubby and her supposedly hurt baby.

Answer 4

First off if I were the younger daughter I'd probally bite the older one! Seriously tell all these ppl if they're calling u to report in u don't want to hear it, telephone is always bad! It keeps it going! Then tell ur daughters to Grow-Up And Get A Life! Kids will be kids and they do behave as kids! That's a no brainer!!! Wait till they're in school and they really learn bad habits!Then remind them of what they were like...I always enjoy that part a bit! then sit them down and explain that ur very proud of them as mothers and u understand that they want to be the best mothers possible, but these hurdles happen and just like the babies they too must grow and mature.Besides I'm pretty sure the tots already forgot and miss each other! Isn't their happyness what it's all about anyway?

Answer 5

I think you should tell your oldest daughter about the things you've heard, and tell her that they really hurt all of you guys. Tell her you understand that the whole thing with her daughter and her sisters daughter really upset her, but there's no need to be talking about the rest of the family.

You should also try and have your middle daughter apologize to your oldest daughter if she hasn't already.

Answer 6

Id bring it to your daughters attention that you know what was said and that maybe she was just angry and over reacting.  Kids r kids and Im sure ur grandchild didnt mean to bite her lil cousin. Sisters should be sisters and stop fighting!

Answer 7

Consider having a meeting between all of you guys. Communication is the key to a good relationship no matter what kind of relationship it is. It may sound corney but there's nothing wrong with a family meeting. Invite everyone over for dinner and TALK. If this seems like there's no way that that's going to happen, consider writing your daughter a letter. Get all of your feelings out. Be honest, firm, yet kind although she may not be doing so with you. Put all of your cards on the table, and remind her that you love her but what she's doing is really hurting you...see what comes of that. Good luck!  

Answer 8

Honestly, I'd get every one involved to sit down and talk things through, get sitters for the kids and let the "adults" handle this fragile situation. I would definately contact your oldest and tell her that you are aware of the situation and the things that she has been saying. Let her know how disapointed you are that this is happening and maybe it will get through to her and make her realise what she's done.