How is going to a strip club not cheating?

Question

I have seen lots of questions on here asking "is going to a strip club cheating". I was surprised to see how many people said "no, it's not". How could it not be?

If I walked in on my fiance rubbing his face in another girls b***s while she is grinding on his lap wearing nothing, I would consider that cheating. Just because he's paying for it wouldn't suddenly make it ok for me. I don't get it. How can someone say it's not cheating? I really want to know what the justification is.

Answer 1

getting a lap dance and (to quote Samuel L. Jackon in Pulp Fiction) "stickin' somethin' in her holiest of holies ain't the same ballpark, ain't even the same league."  I've been to strip clubs and never felt I had a sexual encounter.  It's not intimate or personal in anyway.  It's a job for those girls and any guy that doesn't already know that is in a fantasy world.  If he went out with buddies and they all ended up at the strip club one night then no, it's not cheating.  If he goes every other night by himself though, that's a different story.  The relationship has problems then.

P.S. Any strip club I've ever heard of stipulates that any customer that touches a dancer in any way will be thrown out immediately.  The dancer can touch the customer but the customer must keep there hands down by there side or behind there backs.

Answer 2

Just because you are window shopping doesn't mean you are going to buy anything.

Answer 3

Well to me its not cheating, its all about trust. My husband goes once in a while when his good friends are in town. Its no big deal they go and drink and then he comes home to ME. That's just me though, I've noticed i'm a different kinda wife.

Don't put me down cause i'm not a jealous insecure wife. I completely trust my husband. I don't control him and tell him what to do. We talk to each other and we know each other.

Ok I don't think I am holier than though, but I do feel that if you can't trust your husband or boyfriend to do the right thing when hes out mostly likely with his friends than you should find someone new. I'm only speaking from where I am in life and how i've seen my friends act towards their husbands. Most of the time when you tell a man he can't do something, guess what he does?

I know for a fact what my husband is doing when he's out with his friends and he trusts me when i'm out with my girlfriends. I'm just giving my justification as to why its not cheating.

Answer 4

I was reading some of the answers.....p**n mags or even videos are different from strip clubs where u see and can touch REAL people, how can both be compared?

I have never been to one but I have heard accounts from a few men.

I agree with people...that it is upto you to decide if u can tolerate that or not.

Personally, I am a bit on the sensitive side. I get possessive very fast. I would be very very hurt and offended if my guy did that and I would even doubt his character or "propensity" to get tempted and carried away.

I feel if a guy is REALLY serious bout his gal and has a great charcater, he wouldn't feel the need to go to these shady places like strip clubs where women are treated as purely s*x objects.

That's just my opinion. Call me idealistic.. but I guess I have high standards. I would never feel secure with a guy....who goes to those places or eevn has an intention to or feels it's OK.

Even if nothing Happens there, the Fact that he CHOSE to go to THAT place out of a hundred other places for entertainment, talks about his character.

Sorry guys, that's my own personal opinion...and I do hope I get such a guy.

One can enjoy all they want when they are single, but being committed comes with certain responsibilities. Even if HE does not find anything wrong with it, it's his responsibility to discuss that with his GF/wife (if she has a problem with it) and both shd come to some decision "together".

Answer 5

As a man, going to a strip club in itself is not cheating, but anytime touching is involved now you are cheating.

Answer 6

Strip clubs are stupid anyway, who wants to get that close without being able to actually DO anything. It's like cheating, only without the best part. SO yeah I think it's sort of the same as cheating. It's like cheating for @sshats. and plus, you gotta pay for lap dances, they're extra. Not that I would know!!!

Answer 7

I'm not sure what the laws are elsewhere, but in these parts, the man is not allowed to touch the dancer.  If p**n movies and magazines aren't cheating, how can a strip club be cheating?  There's nothing wrong with not wanting your man to go to a strip club, but that doesn't make it cheating if he does.

Answer 8

How is it cheating? To me it's NOT cheating. But I guess your definition of cheating is different.  

Answer 9

i personally wouldnt class it as cheating per se.

then again me and my boyfriend apparently have a strange relationship when it comes to that sort of thing...

Answer 10

I am currently in the same boat. My fiance & I are having our bachelor/bachelorette parties this Saturday. I've known for MONTHS now that he'd be going to a strip club. I just tried to ignore my feelings. Last nite the s*** hit the fan, so to speak. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I do not understand why, because he's getting married in 3 weeks, my fiance feels the need to pay complete strangers to take their clothes off. How does that make sense?? He doesn't understand what the big deal is and I don't know how to explain it anymore to him. If some girl gets to rub her nasty body all over him for money, how is that not some form of cheating?? I'm very confused! He told me to go to a strip club if it would make me feel better. But in all honesty I don't WANT half-naked men rubbing on me! How is that fun??

His only excuse is, "It's tradition." So what?? He hasn't been to a strip club in 3 years. (We've been together for 3-1/2.) So my #1 question is why now, does he NEED to go?? What is the big deal?!?

I'm hurt and I'm mad. And I wish someone could explain things to me. I can't even clear my head of it. When I close my eyes all I see is him being mauled by some stripper-chick who needs a few bucks.

How would he feel if I was in HER shoes?? Would he want me rubbing my naked body all over complete strangers??

Answer 11

nice question.

It depends on the perception of each and every one.

To me personally, it is more worse than cheating.

Others might say that it is just window shopping or looking at the menu.  But even then, it is not correct.

God has created men and women with the sixth sense so that we can perceive, recognize what is right and what is wrong.

good luck

Answer 12

I don't consider it cheating because I am ok with it and it doesn't bother me. I don't mind him going to strip club, we usually go together and get double lap dance. There shouldn't be any justification. We are both ok with it, we consider it entertainment and a way to have fun once in a while. We are happy. Two adult people who love each other can set their own boundaries as long as it makes them happy. You can have a different opinion about it.

Answer 13

I also think it is cheating and I know d**n well that the boyfriends/husband certainly would not be happy if their gf/wife was letting a good looking guy hunch on her (even if she wasn't touching him).  The guys would have a fit!

Answer 14

It is!

Nuff said

Answer 15

Touching the goods is cheating.

Getting a lapdance while you behave your hands, is not.

You can look at the menu, you just can't order from it.

Answer 16

Ok 1st up it is not cheating , money's being handed over is for enjoyment personal or other wise , it is totally different to if you walk into your man's house or a house you both reside together in and find him in the same situation with or without money's being handed over , insecurity in itself should not be based upon something that earns somebody a living .

2ndly , interaction at any ( all ) strip club's / exotice dance club's is based on the level of money customer's are willing to hand over during the course of their visit on any given night never at any stage is sexual intercourse the end result of the foreplay payed for by the customer who handed the money's over where as in the situation your providing 9 time's out of 10 it would end in intercourse this is your 1st justification of the difference's in circumstance's the 2nd justification is that nievely you have been led to believe that the whole event is interactive who has told you this ? if you dont pay you dont touch that is the law well at least here it is anyway , if you dare to go near the stage or floor that a person is performing on and attempt to touch in anyway that person then you will find yourself on your chest / face on the ground with 2  bouncer's making it very hard for you to breath before you even get to think wth just happened  , I have been to strip clubs / exotic dance club's with my partner and our friend's on many occassion's birthday's , hen's night's , bux parties and never has there been a circumstance of cheating as your insisting upon in your statement.

Getting a lap dance is in no way shape or form cheating as long as your partner is fully aware you are there and there is 100% trust in your love for each other , devotion , commitment and honesty and never have I seen personally any female stripper / exotic dancer do anything illegal outside of the law given in each state.

Whilst I am fully aware that in south east Queensland which is where I reside (Australia) we have 4 gold class exotic dance bar's where they have 20 women who work for them in shifts from 8pm until 4am and only 5 are used for sexually based clientelle fully within state law.

If your 1st thought at your partner ( male / female ) going to a strip club is "oh no they're cheating on me " , then it is a sad sorry road you travel and I would suggest finding a way to get past this because without 100% complete trust no hold's barred you dont have a relationship .

Now you may come back at me with the reply you fully trust your partner 100% you just dont trust the tramp's out there in the real world , but sweety if you trusted him then your mind wouldnt jump on the cheating wagon nor would you need justification for why we dont see it as cheating , also trying to place blame on an outside ( female / male ) for your spouse cheating is childish and immature it take's 2 to tango so BOTH parties are 100% guilty on ALL counts.

My 1st husband was a cheater and refused to watch p**n , m********e himself ( least thats what he told me I never caught him so I dont know ) , or go to strip clubs through out our 12 year union with or without me no matter how hard I begged him to come so dont blame a strip club / exotic dance club for any indescretion's occuring through a marriage if someone is going to cheat then they're going to cheat no matter the source.

Answer 17

I agree, it is a form or prelude to cheating.

Answer 18

Of coz it is cheating...

and to one of the answers below: window shopping is not the same thing as cheating.. such a lame answer that was.

Answer 19

Its not actually cheating, but its totally unacceptable! If a guy wants to do that, he can do that single cause i'd be out of there!

Answer 20

its not cheating, as long as he does not want more with her. would you go and watch male striper ? and what would you say if your boyfriend said you cheated just because you watched a man dangling his bits around.

Answer 21

Actually, when you put it that way, it kind of sounds like cheating. Not everyone who goes to the strip clubs rubs their face in another girls titties though!

Answer 22

I think everybody has a right to decide for themselves: cheating or not. Just don't act holier than others and quit judging.

Answer 23

i dont care if there is a lap dance or not, if you are looking for stimulation from somebody else other than you spouse, it cheating. i dont know who in they right mind wouldnt care.  

Answer 24

it really depends on your perception of cheating

some girlfriends might be okay with it (believe me, i dont understand which girl would be ok with it BUT there are women out there)

what do YOU think cheating is?

if it includes going to a strip club then so be it

but other women may not see going to a strip club as cheating.

Answer 25

Would you go and see, say, the Chippendales perform? And would you consider yourself to be cheating if you did?

What's the difference between you enjoying one of their shows and your boyfriend enjoying a show at his local titty bar?

Answer 26

It's barbaric, animalistic behavior. Why bother window shopping for ho's when you have a lovely lady at home to fulfill your desires, it makes absolutely no sense. Most people look at attractive men/women when they're out and about, it's natural, they look and move on. What isn't natural is to go somewhere with half naked women so you can intentionally focus all your energy on something you claim not to want. Giving money to women you don't know..aren't going home with and will probably never sleep with is just idiotic, it makes fools of men.

It's all about the p***s..most men can't control themselves, they lack not only good taste but common sense.

Believe it or not there are actually men out there that find that whole scene trashy and ridiculous..that find those women tacky and not worth a single dollar because they have gorgeous wives at home that love them, treat them with respect and bring it in the bedroom.

It IS cheating when your man lets some woman sit on his lap..touch him in any manner that's sexual and strippers are being overtly sexual, it's their job.

People have loosened the definition of cheating over the years to suit their own needs, the reality is if your partner is doing something with another that involves anything remotely sexual he's cheating you out of it..he's not giving you 100% and if it hurts you its wrong, it's as simple as that. They're strippers for god sakes..if he can't give that up to please his woman he's got definite issues that he needs help with. It's a pathetic little past time that shouldn't take priority over your partners feelings or home life. I think people really need to start focusing on family and more meaningful things like the people have in their lives and the love they receive..rather than spending nites away from their children and spouses to drop a few bucks on chiks they don't even know that peddle their flesh to anyone and everyone that will shove a buck in their g-strings.

Oh..and here they do get in close contact with their patrons as well..grinding on the laps, rubbing b*****s in the face, it's definitely crossing a line.