How is it different parenting a non-biological child to a biological child?

Question

I ask because I'm currently the foster parent of 2 children who face the distinct possibility of not returning to their biological parents.

We have a great connection and bond, and both children are very happy and settled. What are some ideas for making sure they stay connected to their biological origins/family?

Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

just get them to write letters to them or call every once in awhile

Answer 2

You are setting a great example for other people. Most importantly you are taking steps to insure that the children you have, will grow up in a safe, loving, nuturing family that doesn't have secrets.

Best wishes to you and the children.

Answer 3

I agree with Robin, we made a little scrapbook called "yourchildsname story".  We put pictures of her bmother and bfamily inside.  So far I see the only parenting differences are that our children who were adopted into our family need more assurance and more love.  

Include bparents names in evening prayers before bed, send cards for holidays, and call, email or visit.  Whatever is open to your and your bparents.  Remind them always that their bparents love them and so do you.  How blessed are these kids to have all these people who love them!

Something i wasn't prepared for was people saying to my child, aren't you so lucky to be adopted into such a wonderful family.  I firmly reply no we are the lucky ones to be able to parent this amazing child.  Some will even try to tell you again what they mean.  I'm sorry i know what you mean but trust me WE are the lucky ones.  

Good Luck to you.

Answer 4

Encourage the children to write letters to family members and to call occasionally if possble, but don't force the kids if they don't want to.

Answer 5

I don't think the actual parenting should be any different. I adopted my son when he was 2; he is my only child. He gets treats when he behaves himself and he gets time outs when he doesn't. He goes to school, does homework, and has chores. He has plenty of toys, books, and clothes. I tell him I love him every day and I say prayers and snuggle with him  at bedtime.

However, our conversations are probably quite a bit different at times than those of biological children and parents. For example, children will never ask their biological parents why their first parents couldn't keep them. They will never wonder what their original birth certificate looked like or said. They will most likely never experience the loss of their entire biological family all at once.

I'm sure you'll get other good answers here. Those are just some things I came up with on the fly.

Answer 6

I just want to say "KUDOS TO YOU!" for being so open to helping the children stay connected. That's AWESOME!

Perhaps you can help them make scrapbooks that incorporate their first families...pictures...stories...happy memories...with their life in your home.  Sort of a memory book - "All About Me" - their very own stories.  

If their biological families don't keep in regular contact, help them deal with their disappointment. Remind them often that it's not their fault & that they're lovable. Don't criticize the bio family in front of the kids. When a child is made to feel bad about a parent, they may feel bad about themselves.

God bless!

Answer 7

My two siblings and I are adopted.  I never could detect any real differences between the way our family functioned and the way my friends' bio-families functioned.

I simply think there is an extra layer that is better dealt with, than stuck under the bed.  I think it is the responsibility of the parents to bring up relevant, age appropriate topics that relate to adoption and its issues.  Kids will not ask unless they know the parents are comfortable answering.  

Our adoptions were closed and there was only scant info about our origins (height, weight, eye color, etc).  If you do have info about the kids' biological families, make sure that it is always available to them.  Ask them what they want to do.  Be willing to stand-up for them when they might not feel so strong themselves...I am still angry that my mom would not "tell off" my 7th grade science teacher for making me do a project on my family's genetics and then posted it on a bulletin board where it was available for public scrutiny.  (I was not sensitive to being known as adopted, I simply wanted it to be on MY terms.)

On a humorous note:  Remember the very first time you heard about s*x and it sounded so disgusting to think that your parents actually did that?  Adopted kids can very comfortably and totally avoid that disturbing mental picture.