How is it logical to consider those who want reform...?

Question

I would love to see reforms in adoption. I don't want adoption **as it is currently practiced,** to flourish. It needs repair. I am not, however, looking to "abolish" adoption. I know there will always be children who end up in need of families.

Despite this, there are people who call those of us who work for reform "abolitionists." However, an abolitionist wouldn't bother to put the effort into reforming that which s/he wished to abolish. If I had an old chair that I decided to just throw out, I certainly wouldn't bother to repair it, clean it up and refinish it.

So, how is it logical to consider those who want to REFORM and BETTER adoption to be abolitionists?

Answer 1

not logical, but social. what they hear is the bad adoption stories and figure they are a rare few. they see people like me that have had a happy secure life and say "see! THAT is what adoption is all about! thats an honest example"

hate to admit it, i was the same way before i found you guys. i truly believed that the awful stories were rare cases. then my eyes were opened. i wont say that the bad outnumber the good, but i would think a 60/40 ratio is fair.

it is so much easier for them to scream 'abolitionists!' then for them to open their eyes and see the truth. the truth is ugly, sad and immoral. NO ONE wants to know all that. they like happy endings, warm feelings, anything to keep them inside their comfort zone. i have my days like that too. i honestly wish i didnt know some of the things i do. its sick and wrong. but i DO  know, so now is the time to change it.

these people live in the realm of 'ignorance is bliss' its a beautiful place, always sunny and happy. and anything outside that place doesnt exist. they have to create something for it to make sense, like adoptees are whiners and ungrateful. like we want to do away with the whole process. like we WANT  to allow children to stay in homes where they are unwanted and harmed. that way the responsibility of it all rests on the adoptees shoulders, for being such horrible people to not appreciate what they were given.

to be open to the truth means they have to leave their zone, and that is something they dont want to do. because, in my opinion, they are weak. they cant handle the truth and what it brings.

so you see, its not logical, its simply a social response. hopefully we can change a few more minds over time.

Answer 2

It's NOT logical. Someone doesn't know the difference between advocating & abolishing.

Answer 3

Keep up the work you are trying to do and ignore the idiots that don't get it.  Adoption laws vary from state to state and there is much that needs changed.

Answer 4

I think where pro-reformist, start looking like  adoption-abolitionists is when you see them giving the adoption-abolitionists  high fives for their obvious ANTI-adoption statements.

Answer 5

What do you want to reform about it?

Answer 6

Because (and I can't say if this is happening on YA) there is a huge movement of people who do want adoption abolished and they are very negative and attack nearly any site that has a word nice to say about adoption....

There is also an environment here that seems to Thumb Down what would appear to be healthy normal posts made in a positive tone about adoption...

So....sadly that causes some people to assume that Anyone with an idea that sounds like the same thing must be one of them....  

As with many other issues in adoption it seems that everyone needs to write a short novel about their positions before having an oppinion.....

(You can tell by the number of thumbs down when you irritate one of them!!!!!!!)

Answer 7

It isn't logical.  I, also am not an official part of the triad.  But am very close to several adoptee's.  I go back and forth in trying to figure out some of the questions and answers I see on YA.  

I can understand adult adoptee's anger at having their birth records changed (falsified) and not having access to their originals.  It's not right and it's condencending to an entire group of people.

When my neice (30+) was born her original birth certificate was black with white lettering, when her step-father adopted her it was gray with black letters - it p****d me off at the time and it still does to this day.  She was this tiny, precious, little girl who society (the state) tagged as not as good as another child simply because she was born to a mother who was not married.  It was garbage then and it is garbage today.  Her bio dad's name wasn't even on it.  I helped her find her bio dad when she called and asked me to.  She was complete and had a lot of questions answered when they reunited.  She had a lot of dangerous medical conditions that had roots in her paternal family and we almost lost her first while she was serving in the Navy and each time she had a baby.  Noone should ever have to go through that not an adoptee nor the people that love them and that includes their adopted families.

If reform can eliminate that then i'm standing with the advocates for change.  I could go on about an aunt (80+) who when going to get her birth certificate (adopted out before 6 months) her biological parents were not on hers.  She was a college professor and would never have known she was adopted and had a family if her minister hadn't told her that she had brothers and sisters when she got married at 18.  

Adoption cuts acrossed every section of people in the United States whether their an official part of the triad or not.

And personally, I do have a problem with people that continue to misinterpret (I believe) the difference between reform and abolishment.  Sometimes I think it is done on purpose and sometimes I think they just don't know any better.  I would say ignorant but it would be taken literally instead of the true sense of the word - meaning not knowing/not educated.

Whatever the opinions, i'm beginning to explore and work in the legislative tract to get the reforms passed in individual states and prayerfully hope that the US federal government will pick up also.

Equal access for equal citizens!

Answer 8

No, it's not logical at all, and it happens here on a daily basis.

But, it's just another one of those terms that they use to try to hurt, humiliate and degrade.

Answer 9

it's not logical.  people use big words to label those they don't understand, or want to.  and they don't want to look what the word really means up to find out it's true meaning.

i've never gotten the impression on here that those that want to reform the adoption industry as it is now as those who wish to abolish adoption all together.  those are 2 seperate issues, and you can't support one and believe in the other.

Answer 10

It isn't logical at all.

Answer 11

I don't think everyone here who is in favor of reformation of the current adoption system is abolitionist.

Unfortunately, the ones who are abolitionist are the ones who get the most attention, by asking snarky questions, then blocking anyone who might disagree with their opinion, emailing us nasty comments, knowing that we cannot respond because we are blocked.

Guess what? I believe the system needs reformation also. And I am not here trolling for babies, I am not an AP nor do I work for the adoption industry or have anything to gain from adoption, as I have been accused.

I do have two women in my family who are first mothers, and I am here in support of them. Because they placed children, they are regarded as women of loose morals, with weak minds who were coerced to give up their babies by agencies or by their families, and I am here to refute that.

Answer 12

A pro-reformist is no more an abolitionist than a bio mom is always a crack w***e or an AP is always a baby stealer.  All of those comments lack "logic" in some respect or another.

Could those statements be true about certain people?  Sure.  Is it true about all?  Absolutely not.  

I agree with you that there are some parts of adoption that need reform.  We have had a very positive adoption experience and yet we still realize that there are parts that need reform - especially with regards to foster care (from our experience where our son was called a "hot commodity" by the state social worker).  But that doesn't negate that we have had an overall good experience with adoption.  I guess what I'm saying is that people here who have read my answers would be hard pressed (I hope) to call me an abolitionist, yet, I absolutely understand and support some aspects of reform.