How is it my boyfriend's family respects me more than my own?

Question

Ok, this sort of is a question, sort of more opinion based. I just want your opinion.

I have been seeing my boyfriend for nearly nine months, it's all good, we are stable, no problems here. I met his family a while ago, and they're nice. I was scared to death of his dad for a little while, but got over that. I go over to his house all the time and hang out with him, his parents, and his brother and sister.

Now, with my family, my boyfriend has only met my parents two times. There's good reason for it. My mom is insane and doesn't trust me wherever I go. I'm 18 and she thinks I'm off drinking and partying when in reality I'm baking cookies and watching movies at a friend's house (no joke). She won't let me drive the car because of whatever reason she has. If I stand one foot close to my boyfriend she freaks out and thinks the worst.

Then, with my boyfriend's family, we were sitting together on comfy chair, and his mom walks by and looks at us and just smiles. She asks us if we kiss, hold hands, etc. His dad teases about it. Here's another thing: I met his grandfather the other day and he hugged me. My own mother doesn't hug me! And last week i needed to go somewhere important, and my boyfriend's parents let me use the car. i'm not even related to them!

Ok, I guess I just want your opinion here. Does anyone else think that all this is a little weird?

Answer 1

It sounds like your mother is over protective of you. She doesn't seem quite so ready to let you out of the nest, so of course your not going to get the car, and every time you do go somewhere and do something, she's thinking of the worst possible. Unless you have done things in the past to make her think these things. Parents don't have to be affectionate to be this way, we all just rather that they were. It makes it easier for us to know why they think these things.  

As for your boyfriends parents, your not their child. So their willing to see you for a mature individual. A thing that protective parents aren't quite yet ready to do.

Sit your mom down and talk to her about it. sometimes you both need to see it for each others point of view to get the picture. She sounds worried. Think about it. Your eighteen. Her baby isn't a baby anymore. That bothers some parents if they show it, say it, or not.

I don't see how this qualifies your family as trailer trash and other insulting things, but that's my take on it.

Answer 2

Dont judge your mom to harshly cause maybe shes scared that your growing up and you need to tell her to trust you cause the most important thing in a mother and daughter relationship is respect, honesty, trust, and love trust me cause me and my mom are like this sometimes and we always trusts me so just sit down with your mom and talk to her!

Answer 3

your mom is too afraid that you are going to make mistakes, because she prolly did as a teen. Ask her out for coffee or lunch, and then ask if you guys can have a girl to girl talk. Tell her the truth. Tell her that you are kind of weirded out that she actually thinks you do stupid things, and tell her that you would appreciate a little more trust. Ask her if she has ever had reasons from you to distrust you. She should come around. My mom thought the same way for a while. I just had to tell her, that she raised me right, but now she had to start acting like it. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

u'za liar

Answer 5

No.  I don't think it weird at all.  Your boyfriend's family has known you only in a social context for only nine months.  I'm glad you are getting along and enjoy them, but they actually have no history with you.  

Your family on the other hand has its own issues and secrets which you are a part of because it is your history.  Every family has that.  Some are more dysfunctional than others, but every family has a history that contributes to its function and to the persons we become.

Let me put it this way.  If you eat meat you may find sausages and hot dogs just delicious.  However, if you followed the manufacturing process you might not want to eat it.  

Best analogy to describe the difference between your family and his:  yours are the sausage makers; his the eaters.  Give credit to your family experiences that made you the person the boyfriend's family seems to enjoy so much. You really are the sum total of those experiences even if they are bad because they helped you to evolve into who you are.

A peek into the future for free!  Stay with your boyfriend for as long as you fantasize, let's just say you end up together after a dozen more years.  There will inevitably be some events/conflicts with his family too. Maybe you'll resent his mom's intrusion into your romance or come to view grandpa as a Mr. McFeely.  Maybe his mother will resent you using the car.  

Familiarity breeds contempt, believe me.  In the meantime, enjoy your boyfriend and try to cherish your family.

Answer 6

His family is better than yours.  His has morals, obligations, take responsibility for their actions, goals and values.

Your family sounds like uneducated trailer trash who always look at the negative side of things.

Answer 7

IMO, that is completely normal. You know what they say, "You can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends" Or in this case your boyfriend. ;]

My family can be rough at times, and they don't seem very "homey", however, they are my family and well, I love them!

Just accept people for who they are and make the best of what you've got: a loving boyfriend and his wonderful family.

:)  

Answer 8

YOUR BF FAMILY SEE YOU AS A RESPONSILBLE PERSON TO WHOM THEY DO NOT JUDGE, THEY ACCEPT YOU THE WAY YOU ARE , YOUR MOM ON THE OTHER HAND STILL VISUALIZE YOU AS HER BABY-GIRL, SHE JUST IN DENIAL OF HOW HER ONCE LITTLE GIRL IS GROWING INTO A MATURE YOUNG LADY

Answer 9

It sounds like his family is normal and urs is kinda weird. Maybe u should try bonding with ur mom.

Answer 10

I just wanted to let you know... I am in a very similar situation..

I am an only child, and have always been close to my mom, my dad not as much, but still fairly close..

I am engaged to a guy I have been with for almost 4 years.

I love his whole family, and they respect and encourage our relationship and future...

When we first started dating I almost lived at his house, and have an awesome relationship with his parents.

My parents have never been happy with the decisions I have made, and the fact that I am engaged at alll... It is so frustrating, and it makes me feel isolated from my parents... and like I have done something wrong...

  

Answer 11

Well, let's get this straight: I'm sure your family adores you and they just care about you, but they can be way to overprotective! I get some weird vibes too! Sometimes you might feel that you would rather be part of their family, but becareful what you wish for. Every family has its good and bad points and yours must be having some good points, even if you don't realise it. Maybe you should let your boyfriends parents meet yours and maybe they'll learn something! (You never know)

You have my sympathies!

Answer 12

IT SEEMS LIKE YOUR PARENTS DO NOT WANT TO RESPECT AND TREAT YOU LIKE A YOUNG WOMAN/ MAN. YOUR PARENTS SEEM LIKE THEY DO NOT WANT O FACE REALITY AND RECOGNIZE THAT YOU ARE NOT A CHILD ANYMORE. AS PARENTS, WE SOMETIMES CAN FORGET THAT WE HAVE TO RESPECT OUR CHILDREN AS THEY ARE COMING INTO ADULTHOOD INSTEAD OF TREATING THEM LIKE THEY ARE STILL OUR LITTLE BABIES. YOU SHOULD TRY TO TALK TO YOUR PARENTS ABOUT YOUR CONCERNS. YOUR BOYFRIEND'S PARENTS HAVE A CLOSER RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM THAN YOU HAVE WITH YOUR PARENTS.