How is it possible to bond to someone else's kid?

Question

I'm going to sound like a horrible person here, but I'm not all that fond of kids. Most of the time they annoy me with the amount of noise they make, or their pointless questions.

I fell in love with and married a girl with an 8 year old daughter, and I thought "Ah, you can't have EVERYTHING your way--suck it up and live with it." I had seen her before, and she was always running in and out, tending to her own business...so I was under the impression that it would be that way. She'd be off doing her own thing.

No...she follows me like a puppy, always tells me she loves me, gives me kisses and hugs, asks me for permission to do things, and calls me DAD! *shudder* The way I always saw it, if my name is not on the birth certificate, then I have ZERO say in how she's raised and whatnot. My wife says to have a heart, especially since her real dad vanished after discovering life as a parents wasn't all that it cracked up to be.

So...how do I bond to a kid that isn't mine?

Answer 1

I think if you really care for the person, you'll accept who she loves.

Answer 2

Your wife is right, have a heart! Give it a chance who knows you might end up loving the little girl too. Would it hurt you that much if you did? She sounds like a sweet girl and 8 year olds are really funny too. Your young and would enjoy the same things she does like going to an arcade, mini golf, going out for pizza or whatever. Make time for you and her alone and I bet you would be able to bond with her.

Answer 3

eh, I know what you mean. I have a few nephews. Some of them are chill, and I love hanging out with them.. BUT others are so high strung--- I wanna smack 'em around sometimes. (I wouldn't ever do it, but man... Sometimes I just wanted some peace and quite.)

  You could try taking her to places that don't really require your participation. Have her occupy herself. Or ifyou don't mind participating in something take her to see a movie. Something she'll like- and hey, during the movie she won't be able to bug you and talk to you... or say "I love you, DAD!"

     Good luck man... That's what you get for diggin' them older chicks!

Answer 4

You have a lot to learn about being a step-dad(cuz thats what u are now) If u love your wife then u should be able to love that child the same way as if it was your own child. vice versa the same way if u had a child u would want your wife to be the mother figure to ur child if her biological mother wasnt around. Yes that little girl only have u as a father figure and is comfortable enough to even call u daddy u should take that as an compliment, futhermore u need to give that child the love that she needs and stop complaining because when u married that woman then u accepted that challenge of being a step dad....it have good moments and bad moments but dont dwell on the bad moments of it its only gonna bring down the marriage if ur wife is not having that nonesense. cuz if it was me and u talking **** like that i will kick ur *** to the curb talking bout my child like that!!!

Answer 5

I think that you sound really selfish.  She is an eight year old.  She needs love.  It shouldn't be that hard to bond you have to find something that interests her and you.  And spend time doing these things with her.  Try to have some compassion for her she needs a good positive male influence.

Answer 6

Honestly.......you will always know deep down she is not your biological child, and this little girl knows you are not her bio dad.  However, given the fact that you love her mother and married her, you received the whole "package".  I would consider it a "gift" because, in this case, actions will speak louder than words.  Do things with her little by little.  Just because she is a girl doesn't mean you can't throw the ball around with her.  Invite this little girl to participate in some of your favorite things, ie..... music, sports, art, or what ever it may be so you can have some common ground.  Slowly but surely you will find that it really isn't so bad, and it is possible that one day you will love her like she is your own.  Maybe not over night or within the next week or month but somewhere down the road!  I have the best step-dad in the world and he raised me since I was 5, my bio dad couldn't hack the responsibility either......I am now 31 and I don't even consider him my step-dad.....He's just my dad.  Good Luck!

Answer 7

You have to make a concious decision to start parenting together with your wife.

You didn't marry someone who you loved, who also happens to have a kid.  You married a woman who is a mother.  Her child is not something that might go away or a quirky hobby that she has that will never affect you & your relationship.  Being a mother is integrated into who she is.  And, whether you know it or not, you fell in love with her while she was already a mother, so there must be a part of 'her as a mother' that you love, too.

That doesn't mean that you have to be 'dad'.  Stepdad is a fine thing all on it's own.  You should, though, be 'mom's partner' in life, including her life as a parent.  And, you should treat your stepdaughter with respect, since the person who you love already loves her.  

The two of you share a connection - you both love & respect her mom.  Let that be your stepping off point in youre relationship with each other.  Build the relationship from there & you can't go wrong.  You will also be building a stronger relationship with her mom, as you show that you respect her as a parent, which is a huge part of who she is.