How is it so odd that a female does not want to get married and have children?

Question

Many of my friends find it odd that I do not want to marry and have children...I mean, I have respect for people that do, but it is just not for me. Then I would have people ask me, why am I in a relationship for if it is never going to go anywhere, it is a waste for me and the person I am with. My boyfriend is religious and he wants to get married and have children in the future....I told him straight forward that I am not looking to be tied down and have kids ever. He finds it odd and thinks that the devil is taking over my mind. Now he wants me to go to church every Sunday with him, he thinks that is going to change my way of thinking.

I don't know what to do, I told him to find someone else who wants marriage and kids, but he refuses to let me go..he keeps saying that he sees something in my eyes..the only thing that could be in my eyes is rage and anger....

So why do people have no respect for those that dont want to marry and have children?

Answer 1

There is nothing wrong with not wanting children and family.  Some women are more career oriented and do not wish to start a family and have children.  This is not odd.  This is an old idea that women should marry and have children to be complete.  Maybe later on in your life this will be something you will want to do but right now, do what feel right to you.  Sorry about your boyfriend but he has to understand.

Answer 2

It's the same way that people don't respect virgins who are hypo sexual (don't desire s*x) they have no respect for people who like to have freedom they think everyone should suffer like them with the annoying kids and irritating husband. I don't like pain and childbirth is painful. I am introverted and having a family means having to be extroverted. I don't like making people suffer and to give birth to kids means I am making them suffer like all of the other people on the planet. Most marriage ends in divorce. The planet is overpopulated. Your boyfriend is an AS&HOLE for saying the devil took over your mind. Why won't he go and get preganant if he wants kids so much. A guy I was dating wanted the same thing and I just refused to return his phone call. Some people in this world don't like kids or mariage it's called individuality and it's allowed.

Answer 3

No, it's not odd. I think women who are married and have children sometimes think everyone should be like them. I worked in an office with only married women in my 20s who finally embraced me once I did get married. It didn't work out and I never want to get married again. I don't have kids, I prefer pets. Your boyfriend seems to think church is going to brainwash you and make you want marriage and children. I'd tell him to go find someone else, too. Rage and anger in your eyes? He's playing with you. I think you need someone who respects you for yourself and what you want.

Answer 4

I agree with I never what to marry or have any children I'm very happy being single. It your bf or anyone else try force you to do something you don't what to do is  so very wrong. I would try to find new friends that will respect your feeling.

Answer 5

You have the right to decide for yourself how you want to spend your life.

There is a lot of pressure on people, especially women to find a chap and start having babies, and for many ~ perhaps most ~ people, that is a great way to spend their life.

In fact, many people find it so wonderful they want to persuade others to join them, and instead of coming across joyful they act more like recruiting officers!

Just let people know that you'd like the time and space to make your own choices, and that you respect their lives without wanting to be them.

Some folks will never really get the message, but most will!

As for your bf, if he sees a future with children and that is not in your plan ~ that is really not something that can be easily resolved. Whoever 'wins' the argument may always feel cheated and wish their life had been different.

Your boyfriend also sounds controlling and manipulative ~ he says if you don't see things his way, it must be the devil? That's a red flag in a relationship ~ couples should be able to disagree without such extreme criticism.

You may want to suggest a break for a while, to think about how a future with this guy could work. Maybe it can't ~ not if you both want to have the lives you envision.

Best wishes and good luck :-)

Answer 6

I am the same way. I dont want any part of that c**p and people keep saying - oh you will, give it time. NO, I dont and I wont.

Answer 7

:P A life without kids tends to be sad and boring.

He might just be worried that you may be depressed or something and you can't see that happiness.

He's not trying to be disrespectful.

Weird religion tho o_O

Answer 8

Thats all some people are brought up with and anyone else that dosent feel that same way has something wrong with them

Its the same with homophobic guys they are brought up seeing guys loving women and playing manly sports then when they meet someone who is g*y they think something is wrong with him

Break up with that guy its only to get nastier the longer you take it since he doesnt understand how you truly feel

Answer 9

Its fine that you don't want to get married or have children.  You didn't realy say why.  If I was your counselor I would ask you about this.  If it is because you really enjoy your independence and things like that then so be it.  If it is because of bad experiences from your childhood then I would suggest therapy to resolve the issues.

If there are issues from bad experiences once they are resolved you would know if your decision was because its something you really want rather than something you fear.

PS  I never thought I would want a child until I was 29 then suddenly I wanted a child so bad I couldn't wait to get pregnant.

Answer 10

It's not uncommon at all. I am 23, in NYC, in PA School with two male roommates. I am having the time of my life. I do not see marriage or kids in my future, and no one bats an eyelash. It's becoming more and more common.

Answer 11

I don't want to marry or have kids either, so you're not the only one.

People tend to judge those who have a different opinion than their own more harshly.

Answer 12

NO; not at all.  Everyone woman should not have children, they require a lot of Patience, money, and sacrifice.  Besides there are a lot of children in Social Services who need a good loving home.  You go girl!!!

Answer 13

look dont listen to him if you dont ant to marry and have kids you dont have to just think if more people were like that then there would be less population and less to worry about im not sayin everyone should be but its your own choice so if u dont wanna get married and have children then by all means go for it dont let any one control your life other than you!!

Answer 14

Because they can't understand why their lifestyle would be deemed unfit for some. Usually they feel a need to blindly defend it out of their own insecurity. Why are you still dating this guy? He sounds awful for you.

Answer 15

For many people it just seems so natural you grow up, get married, have children. It just seems the natural pecking order of life. They can not imagine not wanting to live out that fairytale.

I have a friend who said she never wanted kids...this seemed so weird to me. For me personally I knew I always wanted kids and couldnt imagine not wanting them.

But she didnt. She is now in her thirties and has never had children and is happy that way!

Do what is best for you!!!

Answer 16

The people who don't have respect for you and the choices you make, when you're not hurting anyone, are simply not people worthy of YOUR respect.  A religious boyfriend who wants to get married and have children is simply not the right match for you.  If you don't want children, you have to leave him, and tell him you'll never see him at church.  You just said it: you know what you want, and he's not it.

There are plenty of people in the world who will respect you, so don't waste time with those who don't.

Answer 17

Your fella is the wrong man for you hon - and is making you feel angry and defensive about your choices too.  I don't think he will ever change, so unless you think you might, I would go your own way.  What is the point of being with someone who wants to change you / doesn't share your dreams?  Finding a relationship that is right for you is its own reward, but you'll never know if you stay with the wrong person.  Good luck :-)

Answer 18

Because people think the only reason to live is to marry,have s*x and reproduce.But its not that way people,you live to be happy,enjoy your days,and explore and do what you want to do before you pass away.

Edit:I don't want to have kids either xD

Answer 19

to each his or her own

Answer 20

They just don't know how to think outside the box.  They are plenty of child free men that are dying to date you.  They are tired of dating MILF, or women that can't commit to remaining child free.

Loose the boyfriend, and find a man that treats you as an equal.

Answer 21

i respect you

dump that crazy right wing fanatic , if you dont want kids thats fine , i dont want kids either , its messy and costs a lot and most people s***w it up .... look at how many weirdos there are in the world , theres over 6 billion humans and a lot of them are crazy

Answer 22

Aw, you need to let him go, Nikki.  Not every guy wants kids. You could meet one that doesnt.

(Also if his religious beleifs turn you off, you can find someone who isnt like that too.)

And whatever lifestyle you chose is a fine thing so long as its you being you. Thats what really counts.

Your partner should make you feel happy, and MORE like youre getting to do and be what you really want, not less.

Answer 23

To answer the question of why people don't respect your decision is easy.  

EVERY LIVING THING on earth reproduces.  Cats, mice, roaches (unfortunately), squid, and even mindless organisms like bacteria and plants.  So if procreation is literally a "No-brainer", why is it such a problem for you.  Its understandable that you don't want to be tied down or bear the responsibility of nurturing a child because that would be a huge change.  And huge changes are usually scary.  But still I don't think those are big enough reasons to just not want kids.

I think that you may want to see a psychologist to see if there are any reasons for you to think this way that you may not realize.

But, if you choose to not have any after all.  O well, more room in the gene pool for my genes and a few less people to pollute the earth.

Answer 24

Don't get me started...it's all a big competition. Like my husband's Father "Your brother already has two, when are YOU Going to catch up with him." Never..as we are childless by choice. Yes, some people can't accept that fact that your ideals are different than theirs. We are not all cloned to be the same as everyone around us. People need to be a little bit more open minded. No, I don't believe the devil has invaded your mind. You can't be "Forced" to go to church every Sunday. If I might say, you and he sound like complete opposites, and that won't ever work out in a marriage. Church is not going to change the way you think. Put your foot down, and end it with him. I should also point out that it is a "EGO Thing". Where if they don't reproduce than their really not a man. Or not macho in someone's eyes. He may be pressured by his family to have children, and that is why he is trying to persuade you, so that it makes him look macho. You may want to ask him what his motive is, or what he is trying to prove.  Good Luck.

Answer 25

Its because church and government authorities want you to reproduce, they think it´s a woman´s job.

Partially, this may be rooted in fear: when people tend to have less than 2 kids on average ("sub replacement fertility"), the population shrinks and the average age goes up (happens all over europe).  

This leads to a whole list of social problems:  like a lack of highly qualified workers (those with highest qualifications tend to have the least children), and a lack of general vitality of a society, plus all the problems associated with taking care of the elderly.

Its mostly conservatives who rant about this, like Pat Buchenan in his book "The Death of the West" or Mark Steyn in his book "America Alone".  Basically, what these people fear is the decline of civilization if people don´t marry and have kids anymore, which I think is pretty realistic but at the same time pretty inevitable (see europe).

Partially, the reason why authorities force people to have children (ban of birth control is one of the most effective means to do that) might be simply a strategy to maximize military and economic power.  Virtually all wars were fought by young guys who came from big families with more than 2 children (2 children is simple reproduction - daughter replaces mother, son replaces father) - if you wanna know more about this, read here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War#Demogra...

Even conservatives usually aren´t very open about this, but a guy like Iran´s president Ahmedinedjad is very frank in pointing out the west´s demographic weakness and calling for demographic strenght of his own country: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2006/oct...

Indeed, muslims have reproduced like crazy, but Iran now has a fertility rate comparable to that of the U.S. (slightly above 2), so his ranting consists of mere fantasies - unless he manages to effectively ban birth control again, which I think he won´t be able to do.

So one reason why some people tend to be critical of non-familial lifestyles is that it´s not just an individual thing, but connected to the reproduction and strenght of the community, in this case, nation. If you think things through from this perspective instead the individual perspective, I think it becomes immediately obvious why people think about marriage and family the way they do.

Question is, why would so many people not marry and have kids that a nation goes sub replacement fertility? Well, in a competitive economy where having children is not an economic asset but a liability, why would people want to hamper their competitive edge by having a family?  This is precisely the dilemma for many many women who are caught between career and family.

I personally think that in the long run, no civilization that focuses on business, competitiveness and progress so much and at the same time propagates personal freedom (ie gives ppl choice to have children or not) is able to reproduce, it will grow, peak and decline. Imho, that is what the west is doing, and europe is leading the way in declining.

I´m single myself and don´t want to marry and have children either, for a number of reasons.  Still has me wonder what I will do when I´m old and sick.  Sub replacement fertility is a huge trend in europe, we will probably have muslim majorities by 2050.  Certainly they won´t take care of me.