How is my affair still going on?

Question

I've been having an affair for a year. I spend all my time with this young woman, I love her.

I don't talk to my wife, I don't explain to her where I'm going, when I am home I sleep on the couch, I don't even bother to shower before I go home and ... absolutely nothing.

If she would just say something and force the issue we could get somewhere, h**l if she would demand a divorce it would make things easier and I wouldn't have to choose - I could just be with the woman I love instead of the woman I married cause I knocked her up. (That was a long time ago - our kids are 19 and 18 now).

Why hasn't she said anything?

Answer 1

If you want to sleep with other people, and or have short exciting flings.  Don't get married.  Get divorced and do not get married again.  If you are doing this now, you will do it again later.  You do not want to be married, so end it and get on with it.  I also think you are a lier you made a promise and chose not to keep it.  Marriage is for better or worse.  Things got worse and looked better some where esle and you bailed.

If you did not mean for better or for worse till death, you should not have said it.  End it with her, and do not get married again.

Your only other option is to get her to support an open relationship, but doing what your doing is low.

Answer 2

Because you're a coward and a DOG, and you don't deserve her... or maybe perhaps she hasn't yet realized what a scoundrel you are!  If you are that unhappy, and you feel the necessity to cheat on her right under her nose, then you should at least grow a pair big enough to tell her that YOU WANT A DIVORCE!  If I was the woman you were cheating with, I wouldn't want you!  You're despicable!

Answer 3

omg u r a LOSER  

Answer 4

You should just get a divorce instead of saying its her fault for not saying anything...your the one having an affair. And also this girl you "love", you should tell her because your making her an adulterer and she isn't even aware of it...try taking some responsibility.

Answer 5

Honey don't make things harder on your wife just get a divorce.  I would strongly suggest to work your marriage out but if not just go ahead and not waste any one else time.

Be honest tell her the truth and then move on.

Answer 6

Perhaps she's also having an affair?  

Why have you not considered communicating with her? Obviously you're not in love with your wife.  It IS possible to stand up and be a man.

Answer 7

She doesn't say anything because she knows you want her to.  She doesn't want you to end up leaving her for this other woman.  She would rather have you suffer in silence and live this way than to have you walk out on her and get what you want!  

Why are you really having this affair?  Do you really want to leave your wife or are you doing it to get a rise out of your wife?  If you want her attention, try talking to her.  She already knows what's going on with you so you should just sit down with her and tell her what you really want.  Life is short so stop playing games!  Do whatever is going to make you happy.

Answer 8

If your display cheating behavior and your wife says nothing and doesn't care she maybe just like you. You think because a women stays home she cant cheat. That's funny. They bring them in the home silly.

Answer 9

sounds like youre the one who needs to grow a sack here dude.  keep being bitter...the affair wont last much longer that way either.

Answer 10

Dude you stayed with her this long??? until now married to a spiteful hateful woman all because she lied about being on birth control, there are 2 sides to every story, and I would like to hear hers.  

Answer 11

h aha ha......exactly my freind.

This is just the reality of marriage most of the time.

Couln't have said it better myself.  You go dude!

Answer 12

Is this for real??  

I don't know why people put themselves into situations that will hurt someone in the end.  

If your wife hasn't said anything, it is probably because she is aware of your affair and if silently waiting for you to do the right thing and file for divorce and leave her to her life.

If you love this other woman and hold such bitter memories of your married life, you need to leave and leave quickly.  Don't drag this out any longer than necessary.

Answer 13

You can't be serious! You are the one having the affair and you want her to say something? Why? So you can have the easy way out? Unbelievable! If the marriage is so horrible and you don't want to be there, get out. Be a man, face her and tell her the truth. The fact is, it was you who made the choice to go outside your marriage and you need to own up!

As for spending 20 years with  a spiteful hateful woman because she lied about being on birth control...how awful was she really? You do have more than one kid correct?

Answer 14

wow! you're a pr ick.  If you want to sleep with someone else leave the person you are with first. ugh! no respect for women of any kind.  Its disgusting.  If you want to divorce and claim your kids are fine with it then go do it and shut up.

Maybe she hasn't said anything because

1. you are never home for her to talk to you

2. she cares less about you than you do about her

You don't seem to have an honest question. Just want to brag about being a "playa"? get over yourself.  I hope this affair women knows she's a homewrecker and that if you cheated on one women you'll cheat on them all.

EDIT: Honestly, if I were married to you, I'd be so happy you were out of my house so much that I wouldn't bring anything up either.  I'd just sit there enjoying the "do uche free air"  in the house while you're out with your little tr amp

EDIT: she KNOWS your married whether she admits it to you or not, unless she is a complete moron.  Everyone women knows if a man never takes her home there is a reason.  If you are ALWAYS at her place, there is a reason and it is ALWAYS the same reason.

Answer 15

She's probably in denial, why don't you dumb her.

Answer 16

Why haven't YOU said anything?  Deal with your marriage first.  Either divorce or make an honest commitment to making your marriage work - without someone on the side - but don't stay in limbo just waiting for her to say something.  You're not doing anyone any favors by continuing as it is.

Then again, maybe your wife is having an affair too and is relieved to not to have to deal with you.  

Y'all need to talk.

Answer 17

Sounds like you love yourself more than anyone else.

Divorce her so she can find someone else.

Then the one you love can cheat on you and you can get what you deserve. Even posting this question shows how selfish your thoughts are...grow up, be a man and be a husband. Or don't. c**p or get off the pot.

Answer 18

Probably because her self esteem is so crushed already just by being around you , she doesn't even have a mind of her own now or can't put her thoughts in prospective.

I don't think the kids were a mistake, probably she's frustrated when she says that, probably she means it was a mistake to give YOU children.

You being legally married makes your affair much more exciting.

It's all about you.

Please get a vasectomy so we don't get more men like you in the U.S.

Answer 19

well seems to me that your marriage is completely crushed by what you are telling us their are two sides to every story you are  very honest about it, but what's her side, to you maybe it's over but maybe not to her, because If you came home smelling like uknow what I would kick your *** out in a heart beat...that's why I say maybe it's not over for her.

Why don't you just sit down with her and break the news and tell her you want a divorce and have the balls to go and get it. Sounds like something you two need to talk about with you initiating the conversation because seems she doesn't know her marriage is over.

Answer 20

Shes probably in denial..dude you just need to leave..i know that sounds terrible..but its alot better than just letting your inocent wife get hurt..if youre man enough to have an affair..be man enough to do the right thing.  You should bring it up, not her..youre the one having the affair.

Answer 21

Wow!

You guys need help

Answer 22

Sometime when you're both kind of hanging around the house, you could say in a friendly manner, "Could I ask you a question?"  Then say, "I was thinking we both deserve more in life than sort of co-existing in this house together. I think we both know we don't have any particular desire to be together. Could we end this, as amicably as it gets with us, and move on? I find myself wanting something better for you as much as for me."

Maybe she knows you're sleeping with others and wonders when the H*ll you're going to pull the plug.

Best of luck to both of you! Sounds like fun times!

Answer 23

Maybe she's having an affair too!  Maybe she doesn't think that your lying, cheating butt isn't worth the confrontation.  Stop thinking that she has to be the one to say something, you say something, tell her how you feel.  Stop going out there and cheating and try to make it work.  

Answer 24

why dont you get some balls and divorce her?  if you so smart then do it and let your wife look for a real man that will respect her. your kids dont need an example of a sperm donor and they are old enough to see thats all you ever were.  

Answer 25

You coward!!!You know why she doesn't say anything. She has lost her self-respect , and you had everything to do with that. Thanks to you instead of turning to her to deal with your marital problems you went outside of your marriage and turned to another woman. She may not exactly know about the other woman, but I guarantee she knows that you are not longer interested in her.  You need to step up to the plate and either decide to work on your marriage, and you won't be able to do that until the other woman is out of the picture, or you need to act like a man and tell her that you are no longer committed to your marriage and leave! Either way, she is better off without you!!!She obviously has issues herself, otherwise she would have left a long time ago, so my last words are to you....I wish you both luck!!!

Answer 26

she knows your having an affair but just don't want to talk about it because she's afraid to let you go. maybe she cannot live without your support. it's either you wait for her forever to ask for a divorce or just tell her.

about your girlfriend, she has the right to know you are married. but tell her all what happened to your marriage. i'm sure she will understand if she trully loves you. or you will lost her when she finds out from someone else.