How is this Poem? I wrote it about my friend who recently tried to end her life. She's not "pretty" enough?

Question

Once upon a time,

I used to really care.

Now I find it hard,

to realize you're even there.

And once upon a time,

I used to cry for you.

And now my tears have dissappeared,

What more am I supposed to do?

I expected more,

And instead you gave me less.

You **** your life away,

And Threw away your best.

Now I'm left with a shell of you,

And that's all I'll ever see.

But sometimes I wonder,

If you were ever a friend to me?

Will I cry now?

For the fate you have cursed yourself?

Or will I merely shrug,

And place your memory on a shelf?

d**n you for your reluctance,

To trust me to set you free.

d**n you for turning away,

From the wonderful person you used to be.

I seem to forget the Old you.

What transformation did I miss?

Where is she now?

Who the h**l is this?

Honestly I find myself,

Holding up a wall.

To lean myself upon,

To hazard should I fall.

You were once my strength,

And now you are my weakness.

You've turned and walked away,

Into this world of bleakness.

If you won't help me find you,

Should I walk away?

If you refuse to hand me a map,

Should I ask again another day?

Should I even care?

Will you really die?

Will I feel like I let you do it,

Will I find the strength to cry?

Do you really think you lack,

A reason to draw your next breath?

Since when did you ever consider,

Your only salvation an early death?

I used to think of you as stronger,

A thunderstorm among raindrops.

How will we remember you now,

When your heart finally stops?

Should you choose to leave us now,

Forever you will be known ..

As the girl who couldn't withstand the pain

She was forced to endure at home.

Worse has been seen than you,

And yet you feel this way.

And I see your eyes grow darker and darker,

With every passing day.

The light I used to use as guide,

Is steadily trickling out.

I wish and hope you would realize,

This is not what it's about.

Insequrities, and tears of pain

Laced with a desire.

Desire to be accepted ..

Worth burning in the fire?

For now I must ask you.

Of what they see you for now -

Will that be improved,

When you take your final bow?

I wish you would remind yourself,

Your opinion is that holds value.

For until then, you hold inside

The possibility of suicide true.

Love yourself as I did,

List all of why you take a breath.

For your outside looks will never improve

With the final kiss of death.

Believe in what I say,

And ask yourself how ..

Look at your face in the mirror.

Do you look pretty now?

Answer 1

You know, it is quite good. You can tell that you have strong feelings for what you are writing about. I think you may have used rymes a little too much. Makes it cliche a bit. Also it is a little judgemental for the reader, but if that is the way you are feeling-dont hold back.

I liked it. Keep writing.

And be there for your friend. She needs you.

:)

Cheers

Answer 2

This is sad

for you to endure

someone who is planning

to commit suicide You can't prevent this

this is an individual decision

Your friend doing this is not thinking of

anyone but herself.  

If it actually happens a lot of people

will suffer her family.  

Everyone experiences problems

no one is perfect.

If she is still alive

she needs serious help.

This is a beautiful poem

you wrote apparently its

about something that should be addressed

in school or with her family.  

Answer 3

nice.

Answer 4

very deep i can relate to this

Answer 5

Roses are red violets are blue

I can rhyme so I'm a poem too.

Rhymie and forced.

Answer 6

It's good expression of your feelings.  You seem to have some anger at her - maybe you should talk about it with a counselor or parent.  It's a big deal to watch a friend go through things like that and it's clearly had an effect on you.

Answer 7

Flutelette,

I can understand the anger that you have at your friend for committing a godless act, but she needs your sensitivity more than ever even thought she was selfish and reckless with her choices and her life. I'm not saying that you can't be angry, but there are more beautiful ways that you can express yourself without being so volatile! Your angle should have been to plead with her not to take her life without talking to you one last time. Sometimes we don't think about what we say to someone before they commit suicide because you don't know what someones mindset is like. That's why I always try to be loving, humble and understanding to people even though they try to make me get upset. You're so hurt by their death that you don't think straight and you always regret not saying goodbye. So please have a better mindset and go up to her and give her a hug and tell her how much she means to you. I will be praying for her to get mentally better... She must put God in her life when life on Earth will lead her asunder. God Love Her with her flaws and imperfections because it is not the physical body he wants... Your soul is your real life! Don't let it die buried in Earth's soil, let it live in Heaven forever... Amen