How is this conclusion?

Question

for my essay on Fahrenheit 451. My weakest part is where you're supposed to leave the reader with a thought at the very end, so please critique!!!

In conclusion, a variety of elements contribute to the society in Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451 having extremely little personal freedoms and freedom of mind. The first component to this slavery is that they keep the people uneducated and ignorant from a young age. They accomplish this by having a miserable school system that not only doesn’t educate, but teaches the students that it is okay to not read or be smart. The second way that the society smothers the individuals is by surrounding them by propaganda and entertainment 24/7, allowing no time for real thought. The final way the citizens are oppressed is by discouraging intellectuality and only allowing conformity, like keeping a close watch on the ‘odd ducks’ such as Clarisse and her uncle. By examining these techniques it is apparent how much in danger society is to becoming similar to the US in Fahrenheit 451… has anyone else noticed how rapidly the sizes of TVs are growing, and how much alike Bluetooth is to seashells?

Answer 1

Get rid of in conclusion just start it off with A variety..

Answer 2

Kill the "In conclusion" to start. I'd probably go from a comparison of the US to just a comparison of society in general. When you focus it down to just the US it makes it seem preachy. This could be debatable though.

Big part, cut out the "..." and rework your ending so its not a question. Make it rather something about Bradbury having the foresight to see TVs growing and Bluetooth technology cutting into personal relationships.