How is this fair? What did we do to deserve this?

Question

We agreed to have my sis over thinking we'd have a family around and she wanted to look for a job oppt too. but instead we were doing all the running abt while she kept messing abt. We tried talking to her n advicing her, which obviously went over her head. She took no heat to that at all. She told us that she was bored and didn't think whatever she did would effect us.

On the other hand the phone bills went sky high as she kept hangging on the phone behind our backs while we're out to work.

She's now gone home as the job that she's got will only start later this yr. She's been home for over 7 mths and she's not once called us without being told to. She is 25. Whenever i called she is out. I told my parents abt what all we had to deal with while she was here but they inturn have turn a cold shoulder on us. And are still insisting that they want her to come back n stay with us. How can i let this junk stay in my house when she finds it diff to keep in touch with me?

After all the struggling n effort we put into her she prooved herself as a real ungreatful person. when i complained to dad 2 days back, all of a sudden she sends me an email a very formal one. I was very pissed off...she starts work soon n till todate she hasn;t called us or even book her tickets we're no charity organisation to let anyone come n go as they please. I replied her mail and she forwards the email to her best friend. thats just how much bonding she's got with me(sis). She didn;t reply. in my mail i expressed all my feelings n thoughts abt her.

Despite all this my parents still refuse to understand that she;s just trouble and they should just keep her there. Instead they're also starting to ignore us and finding alternative route's for her to come work n live here, behind my back. How can they do that? Am also their blood as much as she is. How do i handle this?

Spoke to mum last nite to tell her that we've had enough. She's not welcome here.Instead mum tells me n my partner off. She was very sarcastic and kept harping on the fact that we highlighted that the problem is still there and we dont want anything to do with it. We are being labelled as the baddies for that. At the end she said thank you for ur help and may u be happy...none of us will disturb u ever...and slammed the phone on me. I just lost my family trying to do good.

where did i go wrong?

Answer 1

The only thing you did wrong was...to help a family member out and this person is so self absorbed ,she didn't see your kindness. Your parents are very well aware of your sister behaviour , they put up with this sort of thing from her and now expect you to do the same... now that you're not that they don't like it...in other words ..you are not playing the game. I would suggest you leave things for a while...let things die down a bit , then phone your parents and ask how things are ..just ask about them, if they get back on to the subject of your sister..just tell them you don't want to talk about it. Don't do anything for this sister again unless she  proves she has changed her ways.

Answer 2

Stand your ground but be prepared for the cold shoulder from your family.  Your sister is 25 y.o.!  That's old enough to know how to be gracious and grateful, to mind her manners when she's a GUEST in someone else's home (including family), and she shouldn't need your parents to defend her.  She is old enough to deal her own life, find her own place to live, pay her bills, etc.  You tried to be a good sis and have her over as a guest but she blew it.  You do not owe her anything more.  She's your sister, not your daughter.  I think your parents have spoiled her and are still spoiling her.  Just step aside and let her go ahead with her life.  But since she is your sister, keep your heart available if she ever mends her ways and makes up to you.

Answer 3

you didn't do wrong, I'm sorry to say it but they are just b*stards..

if they are going to be so immature you are better off without them, I know it will be hard for you but it would be harder putting up with their trouble and your ignorant sister's huge bills she likes to leave you.

Answer 4

Ooh! You really are suffering from the 'poor me's'   Put it behind you and get on with living.

Answer 5

She sounds very immature. It is your home and you make the rules. If you don't want her to come then she shouldn't. Why do you think mom wants her to come? It's because she is tired and frustrated. Mom thinks you can teach her to be a responsible adult, but your sister is not ready or doesn't want to change. Keep your head up and think of your husband (he should get your attention, not your family), your relationship with him and your future together. Families are wonderful, but your immediate family is not mom, dad and sister anymore. Be strong your mom is throwing a fit. Let her be a baby and say things that hurt, but in the end it is your life and you control it. Stick to your guns.