Question:

How is this poor excuse for an idea?

by  |  earlier

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I haven't written in months, but managed to churn this out. Right now it's just an idea, or rather, a rough draft. What do you think?

Irreparable

I was an explorer, traversing every realm, from the blades of grass,

Traveling upward on ropes of rays, with cupped hands and squinting eyes.

I held on tight,

made it to heaven at night, and

bathed in every bath of a star,

from the bar of a balcony.

With no fear of falling

I sat upon each crest of wonderment that thought to scratch the sky.

You were the nerve that sorted through matter, the glass which trapped the sun,

And caught the secrets of the universe.

Words were unnecessary,

delicate as the ash of a comet’s tail

That swept against the atmosphere.

It didn’t matter, no need to recount.

The unspeakable was when a synapse fired, flickered, and fell to the earth,

When the roads that lead to you caved in.

You became the unremembered, a temporal plan sitting in your absence;

The flattened one dimensional, epileptic lines drawn by a machine-

A scarred tissue with no burial.

One day I’ll think of you in the stream of things,

Unwittingly, upon the stars and strings, and notes on which we played.

I’ll hold on tight, crouched by the blaring sound of a speaker,

never knowing the number of times upon which you died and rose again,

Or the delicate song in the distance on which you float.

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4 ANSWERS


  1. As always wonderful poetry......B.Mack/Sir Isaac Hayes.RIP.Blessings Yahoo


  2. for someone who hasn't written in a while. you fooled me. lol

    seriously. this is great! you have such detailed work. every word you write fits like a glove.  you're writting about a person, a being, one body.  it's perfect and i personally wouldn't have to change a thing. do you have more to share?

      

  3. Great start, you will need to decide if you want to make this a prose poem or add structure by paring and rearranging thoughts.  Since a lot of this is to me  'mystical' I think I would leave out words such as 'synpases', 'machine' and 'speaker'.  

    I'll hold, tightly, crouched by blaring sounds

    Stir this pot some more, a great poem is waiting to spring forth.  My compliments.

  4. wow, its like AWESOME!

    im not trying to be sarcastic, i really think that its really very good because i know that i can't write like that. im being honest, please don't think im being sarcastic.

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