How is this writing? Please give some comments~~

Question

Question:

Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but poor alternative to a natural environment. Is it necessary to keep animals in zoos?

paragraph 1 and 2:

The zoo in a city is the most favourable place that families like to visit. While it is necessary to establish zoos for the consideration of revenue and tourism, it is argued that whether it is cruel to lock the animals into the zoo, which is a small place when compared with natural environment.

In the view of economy, a zoo can generate in come for the city, mainly produced by ticket sales, and provide career opportunities for inhabitants. The money could be used to improve the construction of the zoo again and purchase more precious species. In the view of visitors, a no zoo have been built, people would not have had true experience to appreciate animals in such a short distance.

Answer 1

This is really good!

In paragraph 1

The first sentence could be reworded to that its not so choppy. Something like *One of the most favorable places for a family to visit is the local zoo.* The next sentence is a runner sentence. This sentence can be cut down so that it is not as lengthy and still makes sense. So it could look something like *While it is necessary to establish zoos for the consideration of revenue and tourism, it is argued whether or not it is cruel to lock animals in the zoo.* You dont need to describe that a zoo is smaller than the natural environment because everyone knows that. If you really want you it should be explained in a seperate sentance in the paragraph.

Paragraph 2

First things first...income is one word. In the same sentence you say it could create career oppurtunities for inhabitants...while this is true you are talking about a zoo so it can be confused that you are talking about the inhabitants of the zoo...which is a silly sentence if you think of it that way. Instead you should say somethign like locals, or people who live in near by cities. You also say *money can be used to improve the construction of the zoo again* you dont have to say again since you didnt mention that it didnt happen the first time. It can be simpler. like *money can be used to improve the zoo itself* The next sentence when you read it back makes no sense. I know what you are trying to say I think. It should say something like *From a visitors perspective, if there was not a zoo they would not be able to enjoy the experience or appreciate these animals in such a short distance*. Hope this helped...youre doing really well!!

Answer 2

Yes. Animals are one of the greatest creations of God. So in order for us to appreciate such both tame and wild, we have to build and organize a zoo, to be able to keep them in a right track, for them to be able to live. Zoo is the most important place where animals grow and develop themselves to mature and adjust to their way of living and their surroundings. Yep. By means of ticket sales, it can add to the economy of their community and as well as for the reconstruction of the zoo itself.

Respond me back, ok? If that helps.

Hope it really helps. Thanks! : )

Answer 3

You wouldn't want lions mauling you would you?

The first paragraph is not really a paragraph, and doesn't seem to complete your thoughts on it.

The second paragraph doesn't make much sense. You should read what you type before posting.