How it feels being the other woman?

Question

I'm curious to know what are some of the benefits of being the other woman. Let me point out I'm married and just wanted to know from the mistress why do you choose to be with married men?

Answer 1

A friend of mine was with a married guy...for her it was a manipulation/blackmail thing cause if he ever refused her or her kid anything - straight to the wife she was going. Plus on top of getting everything she wanted from this guy, she was able to have "benefits" without the strings of attachment.

Lost all respect for her...needless to say we "drifted apart" and are no longer friends.

Answer 2

I believe the mistress feels like she's better than the wife (probably because the man tells her so), which of course is good for the ego!  *LOL*  However, with time, I think the mistress learns that it's just something the guy tells her so that he can get some on the side without commitment.  He gets the best of both worlds and the mistress eventually feels like the victim.

Answer 3

Wow that is an interesting question! I have never been "the other woman" but some women I know have. I really don't see the benefits in stealing another woman's husband and tearing a family apart. In my opinion a mistress is either someone with a low self-esteem or a w***e. A guy that takes up with someone like that is no better, it takes two to cheat.

Answer 4

I didn't know he was married to begin with...but later I did and I continued...so if that makes any difference...

The pros: he treats me well, physically and emotionally, theres always that mystery, I don't have to be around him when he's in a bad mood/vice versa, I don't have to live with him so I don't notice his bad habits, the spark hasn't died yet

cons: no matter how close I get to  him, I will never get to the core.

I don't get asked how my day was, how I'm feeling regularly, hes not someone I can rely on or trust completely

advice: never be the other woman, its not worth it

Answer 5

power

knowing that u can give them better s*x exspecially if he tells u u do it better

I am in a friends with benefits sorta relationship right now. He has a woman but they are not married. Its the power and i am really good friends with him to but its just everything i guess.

Answer 6

Most "other women" believe that they are giving that married guy something his wife doesn't.  They are too foolish to realize that these guys usually get the same treatment at home, but just like a little strange every now and then.

Answer 7

When I was younger like 18-20 I was the "other girl" to two different guys.  At the time I didn't have a problem with it, but now a days I feel really ignorant, especially since I have my guy who I've been with for 4 years now.  Also gone through two kids together.  One of the relationships I helped damaged, the girl was pregnant, I feel now, so bad for ever doing that to her.  When I was pregnant I would think...."if that ever happened to me I would die".  I have since reconciled the relationship with the girl because I knew who she was.  Life did suck, but I am glad I was able to fix it even though It is not 100 percent. At least I said sorry.

Answer 8

I don't see that there can be too many benefits to being the 'other woman'.  I know of one friend who has been having a 'relationship' with a married man for 20+ years now.  His wife has an illness that keeps her in a wheelchair and he will not leave her.  The wife knows of the 'other woman' and tolerates this from her husband.  He lives two lives.  How stressful.

For women who just up and have an affar with a married man (knowingly) ...... well, the word woman should not be used for them.  Just a female, not a lady and not a woman.  Married is married.  Still, I think the females are the ones that get branded as the bad person.  A married man knows he is married when he starts an affair but society somehow says "the poor guy, she tricked him" or "she should have backed off" or "it must be because his wife doesn't understand him". The blame should be equal.

On the other hand - no-one can break up a good, strong marriage unless either the husband or the wife wants it to be broken up.

If my husband had an affair how would I feel about the other woman?  That's hard to say until you are in the situation but I think I would blame them both equally.  Could I forgive him? Perhaps - people are only human.

Answer 9

I have never been a mistress but I would think they do it because htey dont have to deal with the man in their face all the time not to mention the gifts, bill paying, dinners, s*x, and power they get from being with the dumb asss man.

Answer 10

I would think they felt very stupid and like a two bit hooker.

Answer 11

I think the answer differs depending on whether the mistress herself is married or not.

If the mistress is also married, she chooses a married lover because it's safer. She knows he will be discreet because he needs her to be discreet in return.

If the mistress is single she does it for any combination of reasons, in no particular order:

1.  s*x. Pure and simple, she wants no-strings s*x.

2.  Sympathy.  She feels bad for the guy because of what he tells her about his wife (sometimes true, btw).

3.  Ego.  It makes her feel good about herself to be better than his wife.

4.  Love.  She loves him and believes that if she treats him good enough he will leave his wife and marry her.  

5.  Power.  She will manipulate him (intentionally or otherwise) do give her things she wants in return for her discretion.  I think this is rare, but it happens.

It's interesting that none of the answers came from mistresses (so far).

Answer 12

married? so....   wives also love a married guy....   experience

Answer 13

I think the other woman tries to rationalize that what she is doing is ok because they are in love or they are soul mates. She probably believes everything that the man says such as he is sleeping on the couch or his wife is a mean and boring woman etc. Deep down the other woman may have guilt that nags her but she continues to ignore it.

I think they chose married men because it makes them feel special to know that this man will risk his marriage and family to be with them. It is exciting and taboo.

She probably has very low self esteem and the relationship makes her feel like she is special and important.