Gradually, but during the past week especially, I've become pretty much an a**hole, as opposed to the person I once was which everyone took advantage of as much as possible. Why? Because someone I cared a lot about taught me how. And now he's pissed off about it. He asks me how I can use such bad methods of dealing with stress, when looking at him, I'm pretty effing sure he's been doing the same. Me. Strangers. Aquaintances. He'll f*** over anyone and anything just to keep himself stable and happy. But yet I can't do the same? Honestly, attempting suicide last week made me realize that unless I find some way to help myself, no one else will. And despite me never having a single drink before in my life until last night, alcohol and using people to the fullest extent of what they're worth, has become my way of survival. It's basically either that, or cutting (which i've had a problem with for over 5 years now), and suicidal attempts. But honestly, why should I hurt myself all the time? Enough of that. I'm gonna start hurting other people, just like they do to me. And supposedly, he has a problem with that because he knew a different part of me. Well, that part's dead and buried. He's never cared about anyone but himself, so at this point and time, all I can do is laugh. I've realized that to survive in this world, you have to put yourself above everything else. Opinons welcome.
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