How long can I let my son cry for...?

Question

My son is 5 months old and I am trying to break him of the having to hold him to get him to sleep bit. Now before I get the whole (I'm a bad parent thing) The doc even told my wife and I not to hold him to much but of course my wife doesnt listen and spoiled him. But I need to know how long can he safely cry for. I don't want to bring him any harm by letting him cry believe me but he has to learn he's not going to get his way by screaming and I'm not gonna wait till he's one or two to learn. Thanks for you answers even if their harsh answers cause you don't believe I should let him cry at all.

Answer 1

You should NEVER let babies that young "cry it out." They don't have the ability to make themselves feel better. You CANNOT spoil a baby this young, because all they are is Happy or Not Happy. The baby is not trying to "get his way." The baby is simply afraid of abandonment or hungry or in pain. Babies will never learn how calm themselves down easily if they are not taught. In addition, up until 6 months, an infant's cortisol level is not set. If the infant does not feel secure (and they're not going to feel secure if they're constantly left to cry), then their cortisol levels go up, which leads to increased anxiety (basically, more crying, whining, etc.), health problems stemming from a depressed immune system created by abnormally high cortisol levels, and future issues with socialization, intelligence, and health problems. Basically, NEVER let them cry it out unless you're afraid that you're going to hurt the baby (shake it, etc.)

Answer 2

As long as all his needs are met and he isn't in any danger or hurt in any way, it will not harm him to let him cry as long as it takes.

I know it sounds so harsh, and many are quick to judge saying that letting children cry-it-out is unethical and whatnot.  But, let's put it this way:

If you let him cry for 5 minutes before picking him up and rocking him to sleep he will learn that 5 minutes is all it takes and then he will get what he wants.  Same with 10 minutes 30 minutes or even 1 hour.  If you give in now, he wins and the duration of the crying will only get longer.  If you're committed to letting him cry, then let him cry or else the effort will be for naught.  

Answer 3

15 minutes at a time.

If he's still crying in 15 minutes, go in there, do not pick him up but sooth him.  Sing, rub his back, etc.

repeat.

The CIO method is NOT letting your baby cry until they fall asleep.  because yes, that is awful.  CIO suggests that you let them cry for about 15 mins at a time.

Answer 4

I don't think a baby that young will get spoiled. Babies cries for many reasons, wet, hungry, colicky, upset, they want to feel safe. Who else is going to make the baby safe but you. I never heard a doctor give that advice. I understand you might be tire of just holding your baby. I know that if they're very close to you, you put them in their crib and give them some sort of comfort. For example, a soothing song, a pacifier, a very remarkable toy, something that will stimulate his senses. Don't be cruel and let your little one cry. Mine is almost a year old and we don't let him cry too much. All he wants is to play, cuddle, sometimes his hungry, upset, wants a shower, his dirty, wet, or just wants to be picked up. Try to figure out what your baby really wants even massage him if you have to. But maybe your baby is starting to teeth so check him there. Try EVERYTHING possible to soothe your baby. At this age the only way they communicate is by crying so YES your baby is trying to tell you something!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't let him cry. Good Luck and take a yoga class or something.

Answer 5

crying is okay but if turns into screaming bloody murder pick him up!

Answer 6

let him cry until he wares himself out.  dont give him any attention while he is crying.  

Answer 7

first of all you can't spoil a baby!  I wouldn't let him cry for more then 10 minutes you don't have to pick him up but reassure him that you are there and rub his back and say good nite and walk away keep doing this eventually he will go to sleep

Answer 8

I hear what your saying, it is an odd concept but even the doctors have told me to do the same thing... my son is nearly one and i still havent quite got him to get to sleep on his own. Anyway i will be trying again as of next week and will be praying this time it works!

I was told by both nurses and doctors that it is as follows..

* put baby to bed tuck in blankets and say something like 'bedtime now' or whatever you feel comfortable with, leave the room and wait...

-baby most likely pop straight up and cry for mum and dad...

*5 minutes pass go back into room remain calm no eye contact and 'emotionless' (still trying to figure out what they mean by that) and lay baby down repeat 'bedtime now'  tuck blankets and straight out again

-was told do not pick up baby as they see this as a 'reward' for crying.. just walk out once you have tucked them in again..

-baby sits up and cries again maybe louder this time..

*wait 10 minutes this time and go back in repeat steps..

continue at 5 minute intervals building time as you go.. eg 5min 10 min 15min etc eventually cries will lessen (its heartbreaking) and eventually bub will have effortless grizzle and fall asleep

after ONE hour if no luck give up and resettle baby...

I have had some success but it did take the full hour the first few nights exactly on the hour he fell asleep, and then following nights only 20-30 min. You have to be consistent. the most it will take is 1-2 weeks and should be new sleep routine.. good luck

persistence and consistence  

Answer 9

crying is good for him.. it strengthens his lungs... trust me he'll stop before too long. honestly you can't really spoil a 5 month old, they don't have that concept yet... but it's good what you two are doing. you don't want a two year old that needs to be held until he finally goes to sleep. Just let him cry himself to sleep... get in the routine of maybe reading him a story, or singing him a song.. then turning the lights off and just leave him alone until he's asleep. that is the best way to go.

Answer 10

the approach you want is by Dr. Ferber...Once your baby hits 3 to 6 months, it's time to choose a course of action

Most experts know that this is tough for parents and follow a softer approach made famous by Richard Ferber, M.D., author of "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems." Also known as "Ferberizing," this sleep-training approach involves letting your baby cry for gradually longer periods of time (starting at just three or five minutes and gradually working up to 20 or 30 minutes) before returning to the nursery to check on her.

Also called the "progressive waiting" approach, this method says you should spend no more than a minute or two reassuring your baby -- just give a pat on the back and leave -- but expect the tears to intensify when you walk back out of the room. Still, if you follow this approach, most babies will learn to self-soothe back to sleep and should be sleeping very well by day three or four.

Whatever approach you follow, these tips can help:

Keep your child's temperament in mind when sleep training. Some babies will be calmed by seeing you (however briefly) in the nursery. Others will get more angry when you come and go.

If you check on your baby, don't pick her up. Just reassure her by talking to her or patting her on the back. Stay calm: If you act upset, your baby will pick up on it and become more upset, too.

Once you've started sleep training, resist the urge to bail. "If you give up after 20 minutes and pick your baby up, all you've taught her is that she has to scream for 20 minutes for you to get her," says Jodi Mindell, Ph.D., associate director of the Sleep Center at the Children's Hospital in Philadelphia and author of "Sleeping Through the Night." In addition, keep in mind that the second night of sleep training is often the worst. "Most babies are much better by the third night -- either not crying at all or for just a minute before falling asleep on their own," she explains.

Be patient. Sleep training can take as long as 7 to 10 days. And it's not a cure-all. Babies can revert to poor sleep habits and rely on you to help them fall asleep after an illness or a family vacation. In that case, you may have to redo whatever approach worked for you the first time.

http://family.go.com/parentpedia/baby/sl...

Answer 11

I disagree with the others, you, and the dr. for saying you should let him cry. At only 5 months old, babies not only want but need attention. These are the early months of their live when they learn about you and if you are there to comfort them. I would hate to think that my son stops crying because he knows I won't comfort him. Some may call this being spoiled, but I think babies grow to become more and more independent as they get older, just as my son has. And he knows that when he cries and really needs me, I will be there to hold him.

EDIT= When my son started daycare, his daycare provider wouldn't go to him and let him cry and cry to fall asleep. He ended up being scared to death to go to that daycare. We changed daycares and they did comforted all the babies to sleep and he had the opposite experience. He loved going there and had a wonderful time. He didn't trust the people from the first daycare, but had a great bond with the people from the second.

Answer 12

Crying doesn't hurt them.

you might want to look into the controlled crying technique.

That is where you put the baby to bed and let him cry for two minutes before going in and comforting him (not too much comfort - just enough to calm him and let him know you are still there) then you leave and wait 4 mins then next time 6 mins etc keep adding time on (use a clock so you can keep track) until baby realises that he is going to have to go to sleep on his own.  

It may take a few days of this to get him out of the habit so you'll need to both be prepared to put in the effort and be willing to keep doing it even when you get tired!  

Good luck

Answer 13

at about 5 or 6 mos i would let him cry a bit or he will never get to sleep on his own.....i have two kids, both smart as whips, and we let them both cry as babies....we did like 10 min then go back in rub back ect.....until baby falls asleep...

Answer 14

i recommend the book" the no-cry sleep solution" by elizabeth pantley.

i don't think it's good to leave a baby cry.  crying is the only way babies can communicate with us.  imagine if you were a baby again.  wouldn't you want your parents to hold you?  parenting is tough because it takes so much more effort than we thought it would.  it takes more giving of one self.  holding a crying baby is time consuming and it hurts and is frustrating sometimes to have to give so much of ourselves, especially when we didn't think it would be that way.  i am finding that it is all part of job.