How long did it take you to conceive again after your miscarriage?

Question

I just had one today... It does hurt badly, physically, yes.. but emotionally: SO much more.

I have been dreaming of that little baby for years, and then I just lost him this morning, so quickly, it nearly makes my head spin.

I love him/her, and I'm sure that I will see him again in heaven.

How long did it take you to get over a misscarriage and conceive again?

I'm almost too scared to try again. Do you have to look at the baby as less than human until it proves itself to live through the first tri-mester?

I'm sorry... I've heard everywhere that people say that it's officially a zygote for a certain amount of time, then an embryo (which my baby, that I lost was) then it graduates to a fetus, and then a baby, but to me, it all seems like you're losing a precious child, a BABY!

I'm sure that the longer you know it, the harder it is to let go..

But how do I learn to detach myself from the pain and worry of possible miscarriage until the baby is pretty much assured to live to be delivered? Is there any way as a other to do such a thing?

Even so, I've heard of many women that conceived again soon after a miscarriage. Does having a real baby decrease your chance for the miscarrying again in the future, increase it, or not make a difference at all? How long did it take you to conceive again? Did having the new baby help you to get over the pain of losing the first?

Sorry for writing a novel, this is all new to me, and I feel so raw, desolate, empty and broken right now.

Thanks for answering.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I lost my first last fall and it was heartbreaking-I'm still sad about losing him/her.

We waiting the three months the doctor recommended before starting to ttc, and then we conceived our daughter during the second month of trying.  So about 5 months in between pregnancies.

One miscarriage does not affect your chances of miscarrying again because a single miscarriage is ridiculously, sadly, common.  if you miscarry a second time, it does raise your odds that you would miscarry a third time.  Three consecutive miscarriages is reason to get a referral to a reproductive endocrinologist, but health insurance won't cover that until after the third consecutive loss.

I don't agree with those who shrug off a miscarriage as not that big a loss.  I really felt like I lost a child, and we named that child and have a memory box for him/her.  We had an early u/s picture, some cards people sent us to congratulate us and then as condolences, and a small piece of blanket that my mom had started crocheting for him/her.  It doesn't matter that I never met them, s/he was still (and is still) my child.

Being pregnant again is wonderful (except for diabetes and hyperemesis gravida) but this child is a totally separate entity from my first child, whom I lost.  I still cry at times over the loss of the baby, and I mourn him/her.  I know the anniversary of my loss is going to kill me, even though I'll be 30-something weeks pregnant.  Having another pregnancy doesn't replace the lost child, something I've learned.

I also did therapy both to deal with my grief, and then when I got pregnant again to deal with all the fear I felt.  The thing about conceiving after loss is that you get hyper-reactive to everything, and with my daughter I bled 4 times early on (turns out her placenta had trouble implanting, but she's fine now) and we ended up in labor and delivery triage at the hospital with me sobbing my heart out, sure I was losing this baby too.  I was more scared of talking about the baby, more scared of bonding with her early on because I was so afraid.  I bought an at home fetal monitor for $100 from amazon so I could listen to her heartbeat every day once I hit 17 or so weeks.  It took a long time--I think until I felt her move regularly (20ish weeks) to really start to be okay with accepting that she was coming.

Good luck.

Answer 2

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss, I know what you are going through because I had 3 miscarriages before I finally carried a baby to full term.

The first two miscarriages I gave up for a while, didn't try to conceive again right away...they were about a year apart.  Then for my third miscarriage, the worst one, I was 16 weeks along.  I had a D&C, and as soon as I was feeling better...about a week after, we tried again.  The doctors advised against it, but in my mind I figured "well, everything is all cleaned out in there- maybe a baby will "stick" better if I get pregnant again right away"  Now, I'm no doctor and I'm not advising you to do the same, but it worked for me.  I got pregnant right away, and had a normal pregnancy and gave birth to a healthy baby  girl.  With my first two miscarriages I didn't have a D&C, and I firmly beleive that if the doctor had given me one in the first place I wouldn't have had to go through that loss 3 times.  

A miscarriage doesn't necessarily mean that you have a greater chance of miscarrying again next time- everyones different, and usually your chances of keeping the baby will be better next time around.  And yes, having the new baby did help get over the pain of the miscarriages, I don't know if that sounds harsh or not but it really did.  I still look back in sadness sometimes, but honestly don't even think about it much anymore.  At the time though, it was devestating, and I found that my loved ones weren't exactley sensitive about it.  I got a lot of comments like "it wasn't mean't to happen" or "there must've been something wrong with the baby- so see this as a blessing"  and those comments hurt.  If you get them try to let them slide off your back...... people who havn't been through it don't know what to say- they are really just tring to make you feel better.

I can tell you myself though that it DOES get better, with time.  In time you will feel normal and  happy again, just give yourself time to grieve!  It will happen! It will! One way or another!

Again, so sorry for your loss! Take care!

Answer 3

Shara,

I'm so sorry for you. I don't have a personal answer for your question because I've never officially been pregnant, but had 2 failed IVF's with two good embryos. I have known friends that got pregnant again the next month and one that took 3 months.  So at least I know first hand that it's possible.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss, but please don't give up.  For women like me.... if you can get pregnant you're already a step ahead, but I know that doesn't make it easier for you.  I will be keeping you in my prayers/ thoughts tonight and hope you get through this okay. You aren't alone.

Big Hug,

Jenn

Answer 4

I am very sorry for your loss and can understand your pain, I had a miscarriage back in 2000 when I was about 9-10 weeks.  What you need to know and keep in your head that your body knew that something was not right about the pregnancy and needed to take care of it and this is what your body did to save you from any more pain.  I did conceive 3 months later with my daughter and let me tell you it was nerve racking.  When I got to to the point in my pregnancy when I had my miscarriage I was nervous but 7 years later I have a wonderful 7 year old daughter.  This will happen for you.  Keep your head up!

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you.  I know how you feel.  I miscarried in May of 2005 and got pregnant sometime in August of 2005.  My first trimester was filled with nothing but fears of a repeat of the last pregnancy.  Thankfully, I had a healthy baby girl in May of the next year.  After having my daughter 2 years ago, plus my brand new baby boy, I still think about the one I lost.  I always wonder if it was a boy or a girl.  If it would have looked like mommy or daddy, so I can say that having babies after the miscarriage didn't help me get over the pain of losing the first, but it was God's way of reassuring me that everything was going to be ok.

And you're just fine for writing your novel.  Like I said, I know how you feel and it helps to talk about it.  Don't keep your feelings inside.  And whatever you do, don't blame yourself.  I've got myself crying now, and I hope I didn't do the same to you, but both our losses will be waiting for us in Heaven when we get there.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 6

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I know what you're going through. I had a miscarriage in March of this year. I know they say that it happens for a reason, something was just not right, but that never made me feel any better about it. Although you will never forget about your precious baby that you lost, things will start to get better, I promise. I kind of went numb after I lost my baby, but I ended up pregnant again within 2 months. I am now 13 weeks and everything looks good so far. And no, it doesn't make up for the one you lost, but it does help knowing you have another chance at motherhood. Also, having a miscarriage does not put you at risk for another. Good luck to you and take care.