How long did you wait to have kids?

Question

I'm engaged to be married this fall. My finace and I both LOVE children and really want some of our own someday. His family has lots of young women who all have children. We love to play with them and it gets us excited about having our own. I feel pressured to have them asap, though because they talk about "our kids" all the time, offering to give us cribs, bottles and things to get us started. I appreciate the generosity and excitement but I want to just be a married couple first! Once you have kids, you have them forever. Many people forget to just enjoy being a newly wed couple and they have kids right away. How long do you think we should wait? A year, two years, longer?

Answer 1

Depends on money. If the two of you can afford to have one of you off work completely and still pay the bills, then that would work.  But unless you have money from each check you've been saving (like $100/week), you're not going to be able to afford kids yet.

If all of your money goes to bills, having kids right now is a VERY bad idea.

Answer 2

Although some wont agree we were together for 3 years before we had children and had our home sorted  we also became proud parents of twins, we never married and both decided not to although we have been together now 14 years and still happy as we were when we met

Answer 3

My husband and I had known each other for 3 months and had been living together for 2 weeks when I accidentally fell pregnant with our daughter.  It never occurred to us that this wasn't something we weren't ready for.  It happened for a reason and now we are happily married with a beautiful 2 year old girl.

I often wonder what it would have been like to have been together for longer before becoming pregnant, but then I look at my little angel and just know that I wouldn't change anything that happened for the world.

There is no right or wrong time and if you wait until you are financially secure you will never have children because there will always be something that needs to be paid or bought first.  Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel and give him the opportunity to let you know how he feels.  You will both know when the time is right...or it will happen unexpectedly...and that will be the right time.

Answer 4

I agree-be married first, get to know one another, establish routines AND PLAN. Where do you live, what are the schools like, good pediatricians near you?,do you both work, will you quit or go on leave? Can you quit? If not can you sock up some money because a lot of people do not want to leave their babies w/anyone. You need to plan for that - I wish I had. If your home is od, check it for lead based paints, mold - I could go on.  Two years - and with this economy, definetly 2 years at least. Congratulations on you upcoming nuptials.

Answer 5

you will no when the time is right.

Answer 6

I met my husband at 18 and we got married 3 years later when I was 21. We lived with my mom for 3.5 years before we had the money to buy our own home. We wanted to be in our home for at least a year before we had a baby!! we started trying this past January and I am currently 10 weeks pregnant with our first child!! I am so happy we waited till we were ready to have a baby...I think you need to wait till you and your husband are ready. If you have your own house then I would say waiting at least 1 year before trying. if not wait till you have your own place and wait at least 6 months- 1 year after you get your own place....congrats on your wedding and don't let anyone pressure you to have a baby till your ready!!

Answer 7

♥ I got engaged when I was in high school. Got married in April of my senior year of high school and we had our first daughter two years later. Now, I am 30 weeks pregnant with twin girls and this is four years after we had our daughter.

I wish we would have had them two years apart instead of four but we are very happy with our soon to be 3 girls.

Answer 8

Only you know the answer to that, are there things you want to do before you have kids?

Me and my husband are ttc now, we were married last year February but we lived together for 2 years before that. We know eachother pretty well and have done the travelling thing and now we would really like to have a baby.

Hope you find the answer you are looking for and good luck with what ever you decide!!

Answer 9

I waited about a year and a half. I got married at 19, pregnant at 21, had little Carter at 22. =D

I think you should have children when

a) you are emotionally ready

b) you are financially ready

c) you have a big enough place

Don't have a child because your family wants you to...

~kate

Answer 10

Im still W@!TiN

Answer 11

We married in college and had been married six years before we had started trying, and it was eight years before I conceived.  I was 28 when my daughter was born.  I really think that being married for a while beforehand helps solidify your marriage so you approach parenthood more as a team.  Your spouse will have years of your love to look back on when you don't want him to touch you after the baby (I know, you don't think that will happen...)

On the other hand, I think about how much nicer it would have been if I was the same age as the parents of the kids who are the age of my kids, but usually, I'm a few years older.  And it's amazing how your body slows down at 30!  And at 35, the pregnancy risks to both the mother and baby increase significantly.

All this being said, and not knowing how old you are, I would definitely recommend waiting at least a year, with two years being better, but definitely have your first child before 30.

Answer 12

Yes, absolutely enjoy each other a while first!! Once the babies come, you 2 will be second priority... I'm not saying the love or enjoyment of each other is gone, but it definetly takes a backseat to the kids.

Answer 13

We got pregnant accidentally without being married, we had been together two years and hadn't lived together yet, I always wonder what it would have been like to live together before I was pregnant (and a hormonal *****!) I think a year or so would be a nice enough amount of time to wait. Whenever you want a baby and are ready for it, just go for it, being pregnant takes a while anyway : ) If you aren't feeling that urge then there is no rush.

Answer 14

I'd say as long as you are both still young, which it sounds you are, wait at least two-three years.  My husband and i were the same - so excited about having a baby that rather than wait we just went for it.  She's now 10 months old and whilst we absolutely love being parents and wouldn't change it for the world, we do look back and wish we'd been on holidays together first, and just enjoyed being together first as having children takes up so much time and leaves you so much less for each other.  I absolutely love being a mummy, but I do wish I'd had a chance to enjoy being a wife first.

Answer 15

I COMPLETELY agree! I'd wait two to three years. Give yourself some time to focus on each other and your marriage and get settled in before having kids. You learn tons about the other person once your  married and I don't think you should be learning about yourselves, parenting, what a baby needs, and preparing etc all at the same time. So many of my friends got married and had their first within a month of their first anniversary and were just so stressed about it! They barely had time to be a couple and figure themselves out before adding a little one.

My husband and I love kids as well. We got married young and had our first within two years, unplanned. I wish we waited another year or two because of our age, but our situation was MUCH easier compared to what some of my friends have been going through.

Best Wishes =] and congrats!!

Answer 16

Hehe i plan on being married by 24-27 and having kids the year after or before im thirty so...

if i were you id b waiting a year or two