How long did you wait until you decided to get married?

Question

Hello

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 8 yrs now. I been with him since I was 18,I am now 26 & hes 28. We both want to get married but it is tough. Financially were not ready. I see my friends & family members already getting married but I dont think they have waited long.

Is it ok to wait? Longer?

Right now im finishing my major. I kinda feel jealous?

Is there anyone who waited quite awhile to get married?

Thank's!

Answer 1

We had been together for about 5 years when we got married. We also both wanted to be out of school and in established careers first.

I think long engagements are great.  It only takes reading a couple of posts from people who clearly married people they really didn’t know (“I had no idea he’d be like this!”) to make you thankful for having all of that time to really get to know the person you’re planning to spend the rest of your life with.

And if you’re already living together, a wedding is nothing but a formality. It doesn’t change your relationship.  

Answer 2

Finances has nothing to do with not getting married.  It's cheaper for two people to live together than apart.  If wanted to marry you so bad he would.  From a girl standpoint you probably have been together way past time to get married, so do it very soon.  

Answer 3

I think you guys need to sit down and talk about everything financially and just plain life together.

My aunt and uncle waited 13 years to get married when everythign was right. The time was better then.

Talk to your boyfriend. Maybe you guys can get engaged, but wait a couple years before you actually get married.  

Answer 4

I was 28, had two degrees. I knew my husband for a year, then we dated for two before we got married.

Your situation has nothing to do with money, c'mon.....

Answer 5

what do you mean financially you're not ready? do you mean to pay for the wedding? you don't have to have a big huge lavish wedding you know, you can have an inexpensive casual wedding. i personally don't think money should make people not get married.  

Answer 6

My cousin married his girlfriend about a year ago. They were both 29 and had been a couple since high school. They seemed to be very much in love (the engagement story was wonderful), So I see nothing wrong with waiting, it may even be a good thing. At least you are sure of your relationship.

Answer 7

I knew I wanted to marry my husband 4 months into the relationship.  We got engaged after 8 months and were married after 13 months.  I don't really see the point in waiting if you know it's right.  

Answer 8

My fiance and I decided after a month of dating to get married (he decided the minute he met me).  We get along fabulously.  We've had our share of fights, but nothing major or threatening to our relationship.  We'll have been together for a little over 7 months at the beginning of October when we have our wedding.

I know that sounds quick, but I think when you know, you just know and why drag it out?  He lives in CA and I live in SC, and we fly to see each other every other weekend, so it gets pretty expensive, and I don't know if our wallets could've made it a whole year or year and a half!

He is 38 and I am 23 (I know that sounds weird too, but it really isn't...he says I'm mature for my age and he is a total goofball and when I'm with him, it seems like he's my age).  He is definitely financially secure, as am I, so it is the perfect time for us to get married.

My parents were engaged after 6 months and married a year after that and they have been married ever since.  I know people who waited forever that have gotten divorced.  I don't think length of time matters as much as a mutual commitment to each other and the marriage, although it does help to be able to commit financially to a marriage I think since most divorces come from money issues.

If I were the two of you, I would just get married.  How long do you really want to wait?  I guess I am just one of those people who knows what they want, goes after what they want, and then sticks to it.  I am unbelieveably happy with my fiance and have no doubts at all.  Maybe you are looking down on people who get married quicker because you want to be married but are too cautious to take that first step.

For what it's worth, I know a guy who was dating the same girl for 8 years and was engaged, but then broke it off and is marrying another girl 2 1/2 years later.  Maybe you're making excuses because you don't really want to marry him.  

Answer 9

My husband and I were middle-aged when we met, and we hit it off so well and so completely that we were only dating 6 months before he popped the question.  But once you're past about 40, you know what you want, you don't waste time with what you don't want, and when you find what you want you go for it.  So don't use us as a comparison.

With that said, 8 years is an extremely long time to be together without being married, unless you plan to stay unmarried for the duration.  I have two brothers that have been with their girlfriends for 20+ years that have no intention of getting married.  Usually people who want to marry know within 2-3 years, but if you mutually agree that you want to wait, then that's fine.  If you want to marry but he's dragging his feet or trying to convince you to wait, that's another story.  If you want to get married, get married.  Especially if you're already living together, it won't be any financial strain, especially if you just have a simple ceremony in a city park or something.

Answer 10

i got engaged 4 months after meeting my husband. because i just knew. but we were most definitely not financially ready but the next month he got an awesome job that meant he was able to take care of his future family. so i say if you love each other never wait fiances and money problems will always be there and true love makes everything work out for the best!

Answer 11

When you mention finances, do you mean for the actual wedding? You didn't say if you live together or not, but if you don't, then moving in together will save money. But if you already live together and it's the wedding you can't afford, then think about if you really want to be married or if you just want to have the wedding. If it's the wedding you want, then wait. If it's the marriage you want, you can always go to the courthouse or have a very small wedding with a small budget.

Of course it's okay to wait longer! It's nobody's business if you're married or not. My friend was with his now-wife for 12 years before they got engaged. They were both finishing doctorates and starting careers and wanted to put those things first.

I've been with my boyfriend for over two years and we're waiting longer to get married (we're both in our late 20s). I'm going into teacher's college this year and he's going back to get his masters when I graduate. We want to wait to get married when both of those things are out of the way. (I don't want kids until my mid-30s anyway, so this isn't a big deal to us.) Most of my friends have been with their partners for the same amount of time I've been with mine, or less, and are either engaged or already married.

But different people are on different schedules with different priorities! Take your time. There's no need to rush into marriage if you have other things as priorities in your life. Just think: you may be jealous of them, but I bet any money they're jealous of things you've done! (I found out my friends were jealous of me and the things I've done, after I'd mentioned I was a bit jealous of them getting married already. They couldn't do the things I did because they were married.)  

Answer 12

It's okay to wait. Me and my bf just made four years together and sadly, not engagement yet. We know we want to get married but he just got his green card and is saving money for the future. I think that it's normal to feel jealous about friends getting married. I know I do. I'm only 24 almost 25  which I know is still young but I understand wanting to at least be engaged already.

My advice is to talk to your bf and ask him where he sees yoru future going. talk to him honestly about what you both want. assure him that getting engaged now doesn't mean that you have to get married right away. maybe that little nudge will help him along :)