How long does it take a guy to absorb the fact that he is now a father?!

Question

me and my ex split up BEFORE i found out i was pregnant (he didn't want a relationship w me) he ended up being w some1 else..and i kept the baby.

i didn't tell him about the baby..until i was 7 months pregnant...he was really shocked and pissed ofcourse (for not telling him 7 months sooner) reason is b/c i was afraid to tell him (when he didn't want to be w me anyway..and woud probably pressure me to get an abortion--which would make it much harder to carry on the pregnancy)

it has been 4 months since i told him (the baby is now 2 months old)..and he still hasn't come foward yet to be a "father" to our child..

(he is also still with that other girl--what a mess..i know)

i am just waiting for things to be normal again *sigh* i wish he would come take responsibility..but i feel that he still needs more time to absord the news..cause he says ("it takes 9 months to be prepared to become a dad..but i only gave him like 9 week notice")

i went to get child support on him also... i am probably his worse nightmare!! but he deserves this..for getting me pregnant in the first place!!

Answer 1

He is on the wrong for not being there and you were on the wrong for not telling him. If you want to get him for child support that is your decision, he should be paying anyways.

Answer 2

give him time.  but be persistent.  Explain to him that you want him to have a relationship with his child - because you feel he'd be a good father and a good influence on this child.   Be prepared that may not happen right away.  He likely feels very betrayed by you because you didn't tell him.  At the same time you need to let him know that some financial support would be very helpful.  Tell him that you want this to be a friendly relationship for the sake of this child.  It needs to be.  It's always better if the parents can be civil if not together right?  so you need to come to terms with his new relationship as well.  There is no guarantee that this will work out the way you want it to.  He may decide that he doesn't want to be in the child's life.  It sucks but it's his decision.  If he doesn't want to financially support his child that is another matter.  You may have to pursue legal means for that if you choose.  In the end though no matter what he decides please remember to let your child make up his or her mind about this man.  Children are not stupid and they read people very well.  any negativity on your part may end up just making you the bad guy to your child.  You don't want that.  If he doesn't want to be in the child's life and the baby asks someday what happened it's best to be as truthful as possible (based on child's age) without bad mouthing the father.  

I wish you much luck with this.  It sounds like you will have to get used to a new "normal" now.

congrats on your baby and good luck:)

Answer 3

Get child support asap and dump him. Even if you are emotionally tied to him, it seems that you have more invested in the relationship than he does. He is still with the other woman. Forget about him and move on, don't let the idea that he may come back to you rule your thinking. You have a precious little one to take care of now and there will always be other men, but never another one like the angel you have brought into this world.

Answer 4

Wow thats a sucky situation. I hope it all works out for you. Maybe he will step up to the plate after a little more time. Start sending him pictures of the baby and stuff to help it sink in.

Answer 5

He may never accept it, in that situation. Men bond with their kids by spending time with them and being part of their lives. If he doesn't do that, by choice or whatever he may never fully take on the dad role. But that is no excuse to not be paying child support. He has to pay it wether he feels like being a dad or not.  

Answer 6

"but he deserves this..for getting me pregnant in the first place!!"

Uh, last time I checked, this whole pregnancy thing couldn't have happened without you.  My guess is that you were there, too!!

You made a decision that you thought was best for you.  Don't waste time regretting it.  Go after him for support, because just as much as you were there to make the baby, so was he.  He needs to accept his responsibility for the situation you're both in.

Answer 7

He has had plenty of time to absorb it. You need to file for child support. You can contact your county child support enforcement agency to file. Did you name him as the father on the birth certificate? You may need to prove paternity as you are not married. They can direct you on how to do that if it is necessary. Good luck.

Answer 8

i have seen your questions before and you only wanted child support because you were mad at him you kept calling your kid "it" and "the baby" and kept saying you want him to be more responsible then you so he has as little a life as you or something other..i think you need help and i hope your baby turns out ok..again i am not saying this to be a ***** i have seen like 3 of her questions and the others that answered them said the same things i did..seek help and fast i feel bad for him for the child support and i feel bad for your baby

Answer 9

I feel he should step up and be a man. Yes you were wrong for not telling him right away but he should still step up.  If you feel taking him for child support is best than you have to do what is best for the baby but that is going to cause more complications.  Even if you two are not together you should still be able to get along for the baby.  If you become his worse night mare you are ultimately going to push him further away and you don't want that. You want to have a trusting relationship with him so you feel comfortable with him around your child.  I don't know him but from what you say he is being a jerk but you also have to assume responsibility for your mistakes (not telling him).

Answer 10

its hard for some men to absorb the fact that they are going to be a dad......lets all hope he realizes it soon enough ...

Answer 11

Maybe he resents you for not letting him be part of the pregnancy? Or his other half isn't too happy about all this? But, you as the mother have to be the adult for everyone. Invite him over and tell him she can come just so your baby can bond with him. He might not do it, but you got to do what's best for the baby. He should be happy to pay child support. It's his kid, you can't do it alone, and so any guy should not have to be asked to hand over some cash. Especially when he has 2 incomes and you may or may not even have gone back to work yet. Good luck girl! Hang in there, and enjoy that new baby!