How long does it take to love some one again after they have had a affair?

Question

my partner of 11 years had a 6 mounth affair . for 4 of those months hed did it behind my back . he then left her and we desided to give it another go but i cant stop thinking about it . i do trust him but i dont think i love him any more but at the same time i cant see life with out him . we all so have 2 kids

Answer 1

never, because going on past experience once they do it once, they will do it again. Have seen it with friends, same thing.  

Answer 2

Each person is different, and it also depends on the circumstance on which your marriage has been functioning for the last few months / years.  In my case, I had problems with my marriage long before he had the affair, and although we tried for two years to recouperate the marriage through counselling and anti-depressants, I knew in the bottom of my heart that nothing would work again.

It all depends on how you feel and how you feel your marriage is coping.

I wish you all the luck!

Answer 3

if you dont love him anymore then you are staying with him out of security. which is fine for you but I am wondering why is he staying with you then. I am not condoning what he has done but it sounds like both of you are living in denial. do you know why he had the affair in the first place. I mean at what point did you think I dont love him any more. Focusing on the affair is a waste of time but understanding each others needs and wants from now is much more important. If you honestly dont love then you are cheating on him just as much as he did with you and denying yourselves new lives to get on with. I suggest you both get counselling and see what you want to do.  

Answer 4

I wouldn't be so trustful if I were you.  He did it once... he could easily do it again.  And yes... he broke a few sacred bonds between too people... trust and love.  You may never ever get that love feeling back.  You better think long and hard about this one.........

Answer 5

what's a 'mounth' and 'desided'?

Answer 6

If it is true true love you may not look at the person the same for a few months but the love would always be there.

answer this one too please:

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...

Answer 7

Lynsey, just forget about the affair, put it behind you and move on.

People make mistakes, from trivial things like buying marg instead of butter, right up to having an affair. But a mistake is a mistake and that's all.

Answer 8

It would be hard to return to normal after such a changing event. You trust him? wow...I bet everytime you would feel yourself trusting him you probly pull yourself up and think "can i trust him after what he did to me". It must be awful. He is lucky to have you because you are so trusting after something like this. He was unfaithful and it might take a long time for you to feel back to normal in your relationship again. For your kids sakes stay with him, be strong and communicate as much as you can about how you feel.

Answer 9

As long as it takes you to get over it, the problem is you'll always remember him for that. I think that by saying you trust him is a bit too soon, because truly in your heart of hearts I'm sure you don't I think as soon as he earns your trust back then, you'll be over it. He has to prove himself to you, before you can fully trust him. Which is natural, but you can't force yourself to love him, it is a gradual process.

Especially as he cheated in you for six months, you take your time honey. If he truly loves you then he'll stick to it, and if you still love him you will as well, but remember time heals all wounds.

I got to be honest with you, if he cheated on you for that amount of time. It is very likely he'll do it again I hope I'm wrong, but considering the circumstances and the amount of time he cheated. It's probable and the fact you have two kids worsens the offence, in all honesty if I was you, I would just leave him. There's always a chance he has cheated on you before and you've not known it, but think to yourself could you really handle all the lies, suspicion and worrying.

Answer 10

I'll let you know when I get over it. It's been 4 years since his affair and I don't think we will make it to 5. I don't think I'm ever going to love him again but everyone knows I've tried!

Answer 11

You will always feel this way and wondering if he will do it again - he probably will do it again because someone that does it once goes on to do it again, you say you trust him? no you don't the doubts are there, be honest and if you don't love him why are you together, get on with your life, it will be hard but you will cope. I have been in your situation but we were together for 20 years before he had an affair and we then divorced.

Answer 12

If you've let him get away with it once, I'm afraid there's a very good chance he'll do it again.

Think VERY, VERY carefully - the suspicion will never go away, can you spend your life worrying every time he leaves the house?

Answer 13

If you can't see your self living without him, you still love him. It is the hurt that you feel most. It will take you a while for the hurt and pain to go away. Mine had an emotional affair in January and I am still not over it. I just take it one step at a time. Talk to him when you are upset. Explain that you are not trying to throw it in his face, but you are trying to work through the pain and you need his help.  

Answer 14

I'm just going to give you MY opinion. . . .okay?!?   Personally. . . .I DON'T think you can love someone again after an "affair".  They have broken the ONE thing the marriage (or relationship) is based on; TRUST !!!!!  Once that's been violated. . . .it's been violated !!!!  And there's NO putting it back together; like Humpty Dumpty.  It's a SAD, SAD, SAD fact.   But that's how I feel on this issue.  If someone did that to ME. . . . .it's just simply. . . .a DEAL BREAKER !!!  It's over.  It's done with.  GOOD-BYE !!!!

Answer 15

If you stay with him there is a big chance he could do it again, i think u should consider your kids before you while thinking about this. what would be best for them in the long run...esp if he cheats again. I think you can do better than being with someone who has done that to you in the first place.