How long is too long to be engaged?

Question

There was a question where the poster said he'd been engaged for five years... This struck me as EXTREME. I thought engagements were pretty much to let people know you are planning a wedding. Who plans for a wedding for five years? I find two years is a pretty good amount of time to either save the money or do the planning and only if the wedding is going to be massive. Otherwise, more than a year is just wasting time and maybe putting things off. If you really want to be married, one year of holding on should be good...

Am I off here?

Answer 1

I'm having a two year engagement and my wedding is consisting of 60 people! Sorry you don't approve but I don't know you and I don't care that you feel I'm "putting things off". Too bad. It's not your wedding, mind your own business.

Engagements are for as long as it takes a couple to get married after the man proposes (or the woman).

Answer 2

I think anything more than 2-3 years is a little much. However, there are lots of reasons why people put it off. One or both of them could be in school and want to wait until they are finished to get married. Or maybe the guy couldn't wait to propose and wanted to give her a ring now instead of waiting longer. I think the length of time depends on the individual circumstances.

Edit: Why waste money on a promise ring when you can use that money towards an engagement ring instead? I really don't see anything wrong with being engaged for a couple years before actually marrying. They can start saving for the big day and making preliminary plans like setting a budget so they know how much they have to work with.

Answer 3

I agree with you.  Five years is too long.  I think the max should be two years.  Anything longer than that, you are just holding out.

Answer 4

We were engaged for 6 years before we were married.  We lived together and we just weren't in any hurry to do it.  We finally got married this past june and we couldn't be happier.  

Answer 5

I agree with you. A couple should be engaged just as long as it takes to plan the wedding.

We were engaged about eight months, simply because that's when we found a date to book the church and officiant, venue, caterer... in a small city.

The couple should be SURE before they get engaged, so there's no reason to have a huge length of engagement time - three or five years just doesn't make sense.

Answer 6

I am going to have been engaged for 5 years by the time I get married. For a start, I got engaged at 19 and, seeing as this was so young, we didnt do any planning for about 1 and 1/2 - 2 years. From there, we set the date to make it after we had both finished uni and got jobs etc. 5 years to us, is perfect. It all depends on the couple and their personal situation.

Answer 7

We were engaged nine months.  I understand the usual is six.  We lived half a continent apart and getting married cost us less thanks to reduced long distance phone calls.

We really got married at the time arranged because that's what worked on our calendar.

Folks being 'engaged longer than two years should cause one to wonder if anything will ever take place.

Invitees to the impending wedding should withhold gifts.

Answer 8

My FH & I will be engaged about 2 years by the time we tie the knot. It all depends on circumstances and whose business anyways if you want to wait 1 month or 10 years? It is all up to the couple and if anyone else doesn't like the amount that they are engaged that is their problem.  Their are many reasons people wait aside from school and other.  Just because they aren't jumping on the marriage wagon right away doesn't mean their love is any less strong.  

Personally I think people have become too judge mental and base too many of their feelings and ideals on Cosmo and other Girlie magazines.

Answer 9

I totally agree with you. Anything over a year and a half is too long in my eyes. I'd consider that couple to still be dating as they're obiovusly not making any plans for the near future. The engagement is the planning time for the wedding. Not for showing of a ring and telling people you'll be getting married one day. If you're just going to put the wedding off, why propose? It makes no sense to me. That's like me saying my boyfriend and I are engaged just because we plan on getting married one day. There's no sense in proposing if you plan on the wedding to be that far off.

Answer 10

maybe they want to be together and committed, but just arent ready for the married stage yet!

Answer 11

Yes, a little off I think.

I am nineteen. And engaged. You would think, that announcing to the world that you are blessed to find true love, would be an incredible feeling. Well sometimes it doesn't go as you planned. The love you've found is like that song on the radio.. "Love... isn't always on time."

Telling your parents your in love at 17... didn't go over well.

Telling them two years later your engaged, is not what they wanted to hear either. A midst your university years, while living 6 hours away from your betrothed, while working two or three jobs at a time. Sometimes.. it takes a couple years... but that doesn't mean.. you need to wait to get engaged.

Why should it matter.

You want to spend the rest of your lives together. Engaged or not... it shouldn't matter.

Answer 12

I think 3 years is too long already actually, and doesn't seem very committed either. They might as well just pick a day to get a marriage certificate, which shouldn't take years.

Answer 13

too long is....................13 years like in guys and dolls........

as long as you truly love the person.....time shouldnt really matter...................but i understand when people plan for ages.......its because they want the day to b the best day of their life and theyll want it to b everything theyve ever dreamed of..........................hope this helps!

Answer 14

I don't really have a problem with other people being engaged for a long time.  But as soon as we decided to get married, I wanted to be married soon!  The ten months engagement we have is seeming too long.  This is mainly due to us not living together or anything.  I'd imagine if you were living together, you'd feel less desire to have the ceremony.

Answer 15

No, engagements are to mark territory w/o buying the whole cow.

Answer 16

Well if its true love it shouldn't matter, but then look at Oprah...?

:)

Answer 17

Sometimes people get engaged, and finish school, travel, etc, it just depends on the people. You can be engaged for however long you want, it doesn't always mean they are planning a wedding right away. They just eventually want to get married.  

Answer 18

I for one do agree with you. I mean if I want to get to know someone I start off dating them for as long time as I want and I make it serious when I feel it should be and not when pressured. When I get engaged its just letting all my loved ones know that I consider making someone part of my life and family and if I know them for sufficient time I dont need frekin 5 more years. I for one think someone who is engaged for than two years its putting off there wedding because there are unsure of themselves, there relationship and there partner.  

Answer 19

Yeah, I think it depends on how you define being engaged. Does it mean that you have decided that you will eventually at some point in time get married, or does it mean that you are down to the nitty gritty planning part? I think in today's culture it usually means the second. On the one hand, I'd hate to enforce any of my own personal beliefs on a person and say that they have to agree with my definition, but on the other hand, it seems a little silly to say that you've been engaged for 5 years. My boyfriend and I have lived together for 4 years now, and we know we'll be getting married, once we're done with school, but that doesn't mean that we want to start telling people we're engaged now. We can wait til about a year out from the time we'll be getting married.