How long should I wait? (long question, just skip if you'd not like to read it :) )?

Question

My ex has been being physical with the children but leaving no bruises, and says its just a 'game'. my four year old son has complained of his ear being twisted when he is in trouble, being pulled down the stair by his leg, being yelled at to go to the potty, pinching, knucking and proceeded the other day to punch his stepfather in the back and called it smashing, and being pushed into his room. my ex has also told me to my face he would make my son sit on the potty until midnight if he had to. my daughter rarely needs discipline and is his favorite so nothing ever happens to her. she did witness a violent episode on the last visitation from her father to myself and my spouse and is very afraid to go to her father's house because she is afraid she cant come home because he wouldn't let her last time after this altercation.

i filed an application, without counsel because i couldnt find a lawyer in time. he was asking for two weeks vacation this summer and i put in an applicaiton for supervised visits due to concerns. when i filled it out the court counselor said, just put point form, no details, you can do that in court. they brought an application for vacation, served me on the 13th and i had to appear in court yesterday on the 15th. i had no chance to file a response and due to court law, i wasnt allowed to give any evidence and because of the lack of detail on my previous application the judge said there was no grounds and granted him vacation. so i have to make the kids go for two weeks.

now, for the past few years i have been considering moving for school. this isnt recent. these allegations have been consistenly popping up more and more with the children and i did what any mother would do and tried to protect them. he has known of my intentions to move eventually when i get my education sorted out and a final future plan figured out. he used that in his affidavit saying that i was only making these allegations to be able to move with the children in the future.

so now how long should i wait before i DO make an application to move? these events are completely separate and id never make false allegations about their father, he has been exercising access for two years and ive never denied him anything. how do i prove to the courts that it is not related? im getting a referral to a child psychologist on the 20th of august from my family doctor because i would like my children seen. they have been witnesses to violence since birth and still see abusive behavior from my ex to me.

Answer 1

You need an attorney and fast.. don't say you don't have time.. call everyone listed in the phone book until you find one that can help you..if your ex is doing these things to your son and your son is reporting them, you need an attorney to file emergency paperwork on your son's behalf.  

Sorry, but no, I didn't misunderstand.. when my daughter's father attacked me in front of her, I had to have emergency paperwork to protect her.. I called almost 40 attorneys before I found one who could take our case and be in court to represent me within 4 days.. if it's important, and you can't find a way.. you make one.. don't give up, keep fighting for the safety of your son..

Answer 2

Every incident should be documented.  Call the police, go and get a order of protection.  There are many agencies who assist parents in a abusive relationship, seek them out.  Listen to your children when they inform you of an incident.  Take them to the doctor and the doctor might find something that can't be seen with the eyes.  Get counseling.  You seem to be doing everything you should do.  You are making the effort to protect you and your children

The first step to ending the abuse is to TELL SOMEONE.

Answer 3

woah, yes, dear god you can not leave your kids in this situation.

get police reports done also every time you can.

get the psychologist to testify. do whatever you can.

h**l, you might even want to just plain refuse to let the kids go over there (but that is a gamble b/c the courts can than hold you in contempt and completely give them to him, so probably not worth it)

do the police reports.

ask for supervised visits

Answer 4

IMMEDIATELY.  This guy should be in JAIL!  Why the courts aren't siding with you is puzzling.  Usually they always side with the mother unless the mother is unfit (mental illness, untreated drug addiction).  Whatever the case, they need to be as far away from your ex as possible.  This guy is nothing but an abusive piece of trash, and keeping your kids around him will have profound effects on them.