How long should I wait on him???

Question

My fiance lives in the States and I live in Germany. We have a 5 year-old daughter. We met in 2002 (he was stationed here), had our baby in 2003, and broke up for good in 2004. Then in 2004 he went to Iraq, in 2005 he got out of the Army and went back to the States. After that we hardly had contact. In 2007 he even married someone else. She left him after 3 months. Since January of this year we've been in contact again. In April he came to visit and we decided to be together again. I can't move to the States with my daughter because all the paperwork costs money we don't have right now. So he is going to join the Reserves, stay with them a couple months, then go Active Duty Army and hopefully come to Germany. He has to stay in his state until June 2009 because there are court things he has to take care of there. Should I wait on him? He is joining the Reserves this month, then when his things are taken care of next June he wants to go Active and come here and marry me. That's almost a year from now. And then it's still not guaranteed that the Army will send him to Germany. I don't even really want to move to the States because I feel that he should return to us, since he left us behind, not the other way around. But how long is too long? I don't want to feel like I'm wasting my life waiting for something that might not even turn out the way I want. Should I wait on him and hope he comes next year or give up now? I love him like crazy, I'm just afraid he'll let me down again, like he did so many years ago.

Answer 1

If you love this man like you say you do then wait. June 2009 is 11 months away, this is going on a long time. Can't you wait just a bit longer?  This is when love and commitment really pushes you right to the limit. This might show if you are truly meant for each other and if you are or aren't wasting your time.  If he isn't stationed in Germany then cross that bridge when you come to it. If he truly cares about you then he will stay with you no matter what. But If it comes down to the last resort maybe moving to America might have to be an option if its the best thing for your daughter. Just remember your daughter should be put first and you can't go far wrong.

Hope this helps.

  

Answer 2

I would be wondering why he divorced...  really puts doubts in my mind...  perhaps he thinks you will stay with him and not divorce because you share a child???  I would really wonder why she left him, p**n addiction?  drugs?  was he a womanizer on the internet???

hmmm...

Don't marry him just for the child, it could mean he just wants someone "there", not that he wants "true love".  I'd question his motives.  Does he just hate being alone???  Can he be left alone for 10 minutes without checking out the babes online while you are out running errands???

REALLY think about this girl.  Good Luck.  May you see the real kind of man he is before you make a big mistake.

This girl needs her father to marry the mother, but, only if he's going to act like a real father and a real husband, too.  100 percent, not 99.  Marriage is serious, seems to me if he'd taken his first marriage seriously he'd still be married.  I would not want to marry a man like that.  Just my 2 cents.

God Bless.

Mary

Answer 3

I would be very cautious about this.  He left you after you had a child with him then married someone else.  If the woman didn't leave him I think he would still be married to her.  I would wonder why now suddenly he is back in your life making these promises.  Also, like you said, how can he make these promises when he doesn't even know if he will be stationed in Germany?  Do what you want but I think you are better off without this guy.  It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants.

Answer 4

Aw! I think you're very lucky to have a man that's willing to join the reserve just so he can maybe be stationed in Germany-just to be with you.  You should wait for him...but keep in contact with him, and make sure he gets stationed in Germany.

Answer 5

Big Dana, must have a big tushy because something keeps him coming back for you, but he never locks in.

If I waz U....I'd leave him for good B 4 he makes a foll out of U.

Answer 6

Don't wait for him. This **** has been going on for too long as it is.  

Answer 7

Pray about it...no answer here will be the sliver bullet.

But, you've waited this long? So, waiting a little bit longer shouldn't hurt any more or less.

Remember inaction is a choice. And most of all...

" love its a mother$%^&er"

Answer 8

That's a tough one, and only you can know what you want to do.

When you saw him the last time was it similar to before, or did he seem changed in a way?

seems like an awful long time to wait for someone that you are not sure will work out..

I say let things go , see what happens.. if its meant to be it will happen

Answer 9

sound like a big waste of time to me, I would move on,life is to short to waste on  MAYBE.

Answer 10

if you love him wait

take it easy

like they say in germany

gute dinge sind es wert das mann drauf wartet

good things are wort waiting for