How long should I wait to propose and get married? Im millitary so its more complicated because of scheduling

Question

I have been with my girlfriend for a year now, we both have grown so close and are different and our differences compliment eachother. Alot of her friends have been either getting married or engaged. Some have done so just after 1 year of being together. To me one year is not enough time, but I still feel so strongly that she is the one for me. My current job in the millitary requires alot of my time ie being away on training trips and or deployments. I am currently in Iraq and return soon, I deploy every year and 1/2. I would like to be married durring my second deployment so I can take care of her more (financially and insurance wise) and because of the schedule it makes it extreamly hard to figure out when is right. I dont want to rush things like one of her friends whos if they get married I fear will end in disaster. I want to not feel pressured either, mainly by my own feelings. I love this girl and can not see myself with out her in my life. How long is not rushing into a marriage and or should I even worry about the time frame if it feels so right? Thank you for your opinions.

Answer 1

I'mas, Im a NAVY wife. I know how you feel. My husband and I have been through more dets, deployments, and away times then I can take on my hands and toes. You definitely want to take your time. I personally think you should wait a while before you propose. Go through a deployment, and see how you deals with being away from each other for 6-12 months. IF you still feel the same way that you do right now, then by all means marry your sweetheart. It's a tough life, and she had better get use to deployments before you all get married. Because being married is alot tougher then being engaged/gf-bf of someone on active duty.

I hope this helps. Good luck to you. :)  

Answer 2

there's nothing wrong with a long engagement.  If you want to marry her give her the ring and ask her... and let her know a time frame when you'd like to be married in... a year 2 years 3 years.. however long is right for you... she'll be able to take care of planning on her end.   Nothing says you can't move that date up either.  

Answer 3

1 year is long enough to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone IF the 2 of you are mature & really know what you want in life & a marriage.  If you've been deployed much of the time while you've been dating, I'd suggest waiting a little so that you have more time physically TOGETHER.  I had a friend who dated & married an English guy.  While they dated, he flew over to the U.S. a couple times & she flew over there a time or two.  In all, they had only spent like 4 whole weeks together physically.  So when they got married & were living together finally, it was a huge shock to their r'ship.  

Success rates, in my opinion, are alot higher for a good marriage if the couple are both older (to me, late 20's early 30's is the ideal age to be engaged).  I say that because you've both had time to have other r'ships, other experiences & learn from them.  My advice to you is this:  Before you get engaged, have a talk about all those big issues in life like kids, discipline, finances, credit, work, etc.  Too many couples ASSUME they see these things the same way & then it doesn't work out.  You can be different in small ways but on the big things, you need to see eye to eye.  For instance, if she's a big spender & you're a saver, it will make life very difficult.  These are just a few issues to consider.  But I know that takes all the romance out of it! :)

Personally, my husband and I got engaged after only 10 months dating but we were in our late 20's so I knew myself well, what I wanted & more importantly, what I didn't want in a marriage.  We've been together almost 4 years now - going strong & very happy. :)  Congratulations on finding the love of your life by the way.  It's a wonderful feeling, isn't it?

Answer 4

My husband and I have been married for over 20 years.  We dated for about a month before he proposed, and we got married 5 months later.  Yes, we had our share of skeptics who thought we were rushing it, but we both felt we were making the right decision.  In my life, at the time we started dating, I had been applying for a job in another city that would've eventually led to my "dream" job.  I found out the day after he proposed that I had got the job, so I had a tough decision to make.  I have never in my life once regretted turning that job down so that I could stay and marry him.  (OK, maybe once or twice, but never seriously...LOL)  ;-)  

Seriously, when you know its right, its right.  It's something you feel in your own heart and mind, and no one else can judge that but you.  About your friends who you mentioned, and your being worried that their marriages might end in disaster, all I can say is please don't let fear of what might happen stop you from doing a great thing.  No one knows the inner workings of any marriage besides the 2 people in the marriage.  I've known many people over the years that I look at and wonder why in the world they're still together, but whatever they have obviously works for them.  I've also had friends divorce that I never would've thought would end up like that.  If it feels right to you, if you've seriously thought about it (and prayed if you are religious), then don't worry so much about someone else's timeline.  

And, thank you so much for your service to us and to our country!  

Answer 5

I really like the way your question was worded in such a considered and thoughtful way. It leads me to think that you are ready to make a commitment to your girlfriend. Why not propose to her on your return, and have a year long engagement, so that you will be married and will have had a chance to settle before your next deployment? I wish you both every happiness.