How long should parents help out there adult children?

Question

How long should parents help there adult children? Everytime I turn around I'm asked for money for car payment or other things, is there a way to say no without hurting there feelings? Sometimes I think they call just to ask for money and not to spend time with me or to talk

Answer 1

I've got a 20 year old brother and my parents still help him out.

Not financially though.

He doesn't need any help when it comes to money. He works 3 jobs for up to 14 hours a day ( his girlfriend's pregnant ) but at the moment, he's still living at home.  

Answer 2

You can help them without giving them money. Next time they ask for money invite them over and sit down with them and help them write out a budget and a plan for their money. You can also buy them an excellent book. "The Total Money Make Over" by Dave Ramsey. It's a great book and will probably help them out a lot more than you keep throwing money at them every time they come around begging.

Answer 3

I assume you mean financial help, because in my mind, that's the only kind that has limits.   I would say it's fine to help one's adult children as long you really WANT to and as long as they accept it without feeling guilty or embarrassed.  There's no age limit on intergenerational support.  

So far, my grown kids have never asked me for money - and they're in college and living on very little.  But I give it to them anyway, when I can, because it makes me happy to be able to do something for them, and they do need it.  Anyway, I have a vested interest -  if they graduate, they'll be making a lot more than I do, and they can give ME money (LOL).  

Answer 4

How long would you support a good friend, sibling, parent, or other relative? When your kids are adults, I think it's the same kind of thing.  By all means help if you think they really need it and you can afford to.   But don't just be an ongoing source of cash to meet every whim or little bump in the road so they don't need to learn to be responsible.  They don't "really need it" if they aren't working or bought an extravagant car or whatever.  If they just got laid off and are working hard to find a new job (and living on a reasonable budget), or had sudden unexpected medical expenses or something of that source, I'd help an adult child in a heartbeat if I could.

Answer 5

If that's the only time they call then they are taking advantage. I would tell them you cant help with all of it but only part of what they are asking for. Tell them they need to figure out how to come up with the rest.  

Answer 6

As long as they give back, whether its paying back or doing other things in appreciation I don't see anything wrong, specially if the parent has the money.

Answer 7

I am 20 years old and recently married and moved to a military base completely away from my parents and out of my element. My mother every time she comes brings something to my house its not expected it's just my mom. I have to fight with her not to leave money and once I finally think I got my point across it's time for my parents to leave and she somehow with her motherly powers slips the money into my purse. I think it is all up to you on when you think it's time to stop. I mean if that is all they call your for bring it up to them. Tell them you don't mind giving them money sometimes but not to expect a yes answer every time they ask because you have bills too. Enroll them into a fiance class trust me it works. It taught me and my husband how to balance our check books and how to balance our bills. They suggested to us to take envelopes for each thing that has to be paid and an envelope for us. They told us to pay us first a reasonable amount for gas and food.  Then add money from each paycheck  in for each bill. You will surprised on how the envelope gets filled if you don't take money out of it. Also suggest to them about taking change back and cans and bottles. My husband and I took change back right after we got married and had over 200 bucks in loose change. I think 100 of it was in my car! There also is a book you can get to help them manage their money. http://www.borders.com/online/store/Titl...  I highly recommend it for you. It answers a lot more questions for you that you might have. I would recommend this one for your children. http://www.mvelopes.com/budget-center/bu...

Answer 8

My parents did not give me money while I lived at home with them.  I got a job and paid for whatever I wanted with my money I earned.  Also in order to live with them I had to be enrolled in school.  When I moved out at the age of 20 (after 2 years of Jr. College) they gave me a set amount of money each month to help cover some living expenses as long as I was enrolled full time in school.  During the summers if I was not taking classes then I was expected to work full time with out any help from them.  They would deposit the money into my account the beginning of the month and I could use it for whatever I needed it for.  It wasn't enough to cover all my expenses ($567 a month...$500 for living expenses and $67 for car insurance--I would lose the car insurance if I was not on the honor roll.)  This helped me learn to budget and how to take care of myself.  As soon as I graduated college my parents stopped giving me money and I would NEVER think to ask them for any.  They work hard and need to put that money towards their retirement.

Answer 9

About 24 max.  After they have gone to college and have a full time job.  Once I got a full time job at about 21 or 22 I think, my mom stopped paying for my car repairs and my credit card bills!  I knew I had to get a new car, and learn how to manage my money.

Answer 10

As long as they are helping themselves!!!!!!!! IF they are always asking for stuff then that would be a problem and I would have no problem saying no. My parents never helped us with anything and if we needed something they made us borrow but I wont be that way with my children as long as its within reason and they are doing something to meet me halfway then I can do it.

You shouldnt be afraid to say no if they are going over board!

Answer 11

As long as the parent feels respected and appreciated. At least that is how long I would help my adult child. If I know my children are doing everything they can to better themselves, but still need help, I wouldn't mind helping out, but the second I felt I was being taken advantage of, I would stop helping out.

Answer 12

If you did your job well as a parent in raising stable independent children who can support themselves and take responsibility for their behavior and make smart decisions, not past the age of 18.

If your adult children need your financial assistance to survive, then clearly you didn't do your job correctly as a parent.

Answer 13

I stopped asking when I turned 18 - on rare occasion I've had to ask to borrow money (like $2000 for a car) But I only do that if it's absolutely necessary and if I can pay them back within a few months - and I do pay back every penny. As long as you keep letting them I'm sure they will keep asking - and honestly you aren't doing them any favors by bailing them out all the time. Your money would be better spent enrolling them in some kind of financial budgeting education class.

Answer 14

I am 19 and I already take care of myself. My mom is always asking me if I need anything. I think that if a child still lives at home or in college, they should have a job,but it's ok for mom to help. After they move out on their own, they obviously don't need mom anymore, at least that's what they are trying to say. Coming from a "young adult" thats my opinion. As for telling them no, sometimes you have to be strait up with them to get the point across.

Answer 15

There is no "age" for this.  It's a matter of maturity.  If you're kids are over the age of 18 and cannot pay their own bills (without there being some sort of major crisis going on) they they are obviously not mature enough to even create those bills.  The day after I graduated high school my mom sat me down and said, "You can live here for as long as you need or wish to, but from now on you're paying you're way."  I started paying rent the next month...yes, it was only $50.00 BUT it taught me very valuable lessons about money!  I would encourage you to seek out local financial counselors for you children.  They need to know that you're not always going to be able to bail them out.  Yes, it will be tough, and yes, you're not going to be liked for it, but they need to grow up.