How many first moms have been in so much pain and lonliness that you've wanted to die or commit suicide?

Question

I know I did. I just couldn't bear the thought of all that had happened. I couldn't stand that I had to give my little girl away. I didn't choose. WHY isn't there help for women like myself, who were in a temporary bad situation and I had to make a permanent solution?

Answer 1

AAHHH that would be me. I really dont' know if it was just from the adopion or the whole disfunctional family lifestyle I was living. I can tell you that I had the wierdest thoughts about a womans function. I didn't want to be one. I didn't want to grow up and get married. I was affraid to have children. I didn't know if I could take the pain of having my daughter find me and hate me for what i did. I didn't know if she was being taken care of or abused, as I thought all AP's were June and Ward Clever until after I signed the papers. I just wanted all the pain I was feeling to stop.

Answer 2

I am sitting here weeping for all you 1st mummies. My heart is breaking for you

It isnt right , It isnt fair, and you are the mothers that I speak up for when I state that adoption should only be for Orphans and Abused children.

There should be far more help for women who want to keep their baby, and not to have that baby ripped apart from them to satisfy a couple who can not biologically have their own child.

I am adopted, My Mother who gave birth to me is in a terrible state of misery, she gave me up as the SECOND baby..and kept the first, imagine the pain she thinks of now seperating my sister and i.

Yes  Iooked for her and yes i found her, and for a while she was in my life all be it on the other side of the world, but then she abandoned me again, when the hurt deep down inside came up from having a relationship with me...So she pushed me away..

Red & Sassy, one day I hope your daughter will find you, and please embrace her and dont abandon her no matter how confrontational it is or how much you hurt, because the 2cnd time hurts so much more than the first.

I am so sorry you are in so much pain, please get some counselling and look after yourself (((HUGS)))

Answer 3

although I don't know what exactly happened to put you in that horrible situation, there are many places that could have helped you and still can. I can't imagine giving up a child. However, I'm sure you did what was best and sometimes the right decision isn't always the easiest decision. I hope you have a support group family, friends or someone to help you through this. Best of luck!

Answer 4

Sometimes I still want to die. I had to put all her things in a box and hide them in a closet. I sold her crib. I fixed my life now but I can't get her back. The only reason I live is that I want to be here in 18 years, to see if she comes to find me. The system is rediculous... there really is no help for the people who truly want it.

Answer 5

My mother DID attempt suicide about 6 mos. after she gave me up.

Her parents put her in a 'nut house' (her dad didn't know I existed) and she had lots of 'therapy'.  Her father asked what he could do to keep her alive for her mother.  She said she wanted to move away, and she did.

She also started smoking in the nut house, she said, as a way to cope, and commit a 'slow suicide'.  It worked; she has emphysema and COPD, and is on oxygen daily.  Adoption-related health problems...

There is no cure for giving your child away for most.  Obviously, there are women who can do this and are 'okay' with it, but I think for most, it's like an amputation.

Answer 6

I didn't want to die, but I sure didn't want to do anything with participating with the world around me for a long time.  I stared at walls overwhelmed with grief for a very long time.

Answer 7

I felt forced into giving mine away.  The father didn't want him and didn't give me much of an option.  Im sure it was best for the baby that I did this...but, I hate myself for doing it.  "IF" I had only been more responsible by not getting pregnant, "IF' I had only been more responsible and just taken care of him myself.... I wanted him!  Why didn't I fight to keep him??? The guilt gets to me sometimes.  I ended up trying to commit suicide a few months after having him.  He is almost 13 now, and its much easier.  I still cry when I think about him...but who wouldn't?  I know having my husband by my side helps a lot.  He understands my pain, and comforts me.

Answer 8

that is sooooooooooooo sad

im sititng here balling

i've never given a baby up but I have been thinking about it

although I really dont think I could do that...and especially now after reading your question/story....

Did you by chance do an open adoption?

Not that,that would make it any better but atleast that way you could still see/talk to her and get pictures and send/receive letters...

How long has it been?

Is it too late to change your decision?

I feel so bad for you...

P.S

Please dont kill yourself...

your baby will grow up and want to meet you one day

i'm sure you dont want to rob her of that opportunity because of that...

and once your dead,you will just be dead

you wont even know youre dead

so whats the use???

you need to definitely seek counseling and maybe medication for your depression...a lot of women have to be put on anti depressents after a family member dies and what has happened to you is as equally bad as a death...

Try and be strong for your baby....I'm sure when she grows up she will understand that you did what you thought was best for her.You didnt give her away because you didnt love her,you gave her away because YOU DO LOVE HER.....

Answer 9

There are days I wish I weren't here, and unfortunately it seems to get worse with time. Unfortunately, time doesn't seem to heal this wound.

Answer 10

I did.  Many times since then.

You were looked as a commodity and there fore you were not told that this pain and hurt and loneliness would be permanent.  They didn't want to tell you about the solutions to help you.

get in touch with me if you wish to talk

Spanky: you are not the only one who drank alot.  There are things I don't remember and then there are things that I remember that I wish I didn't.

Answer 11

No, I never considered suicide, my husband (boyfriend at the time) was always there for me as she was his child too. No matter how much guilt I felt, I could never kill myself. I have another child, a son, he's 30 now. I put all of my love into that little boy and yes, I kind of spoiled him, I had too.

Answer 12

I had heard a story about an adoptive parent and the natural mother in her case.  The adoptive mother had written the book Fast Track adoption.  The adoptive mother wrote how she scammed the natural mother in her case.  The natural mother read the book.  She committed suicide as a result.  I think suicide in natural parents is just as high as in adoptees.

Answer 13

When I met my mother, i flew to her state and there was a large celebration for me. I am hawaiian, we were in Hawaii and I literally had cousins walking up from the beach who knew who I was wanting to talk to me. I'll never forget being on the beach at night, and my cousin walked up to me, I was alone, just thinking about it all. He sat down and said " i was at the house when your mother came home from the hospital without you. She died that day. " we had silence for a while and then he said " But the day she came up to me, just after you found her, I knew you had found her before she spoke. The life came back into her eyes again when you found her."

Answer 14

I really don't want to answer this... I don't want to be jumped on and attacked again over traumatic experiences in my life. So why am I writing this out? People need to hear about it, they need to see what adoption does to some of the women who loose their children... because maybe I can help just one person feel less isolated.

After I lost my son I drank, a LOT. I slept around, I partied like a rock star, I ran up credit card bills I had no hope of ever paying, I tried everything I could think of to fill the void. None of it worked. Six months after I relinquished my rights I tried to kill myself with an exacto knife in the middle of my daughter's first christmas dinner. A month later I tried to throw myself out of a car going 120 km an hour, my ex grabbed my coat and literally saved my life. By the time my first daughter was three months old my anorexia had become so bad I was literally unable to get out of bed. She went to live with her father and I went to the hospital. I readily admitted that I was trying to starve myself to death, I knew fully what my anorexia's ultimate end would be... and I longed for it.

After my hospital stay things looked up for a while. I found my natural mother and went to live with her, I got together with my youngest's dad 5 years later and things were looking even better. Then I got pregnant. I didn't think anyone would allow me to raise that child. Why would they? They had already taken two of my children. After Payton was born I slid again. I refused to bond with her fully and spent most of my time watching out the window for the child welfare people to come. By the time she was 10 months old I was a total wreck, all over the fear that someone was going to take this child too. I ordered a tank of helium, claiming it was for a party and went to a local drugstore supply company for an oxygen mask. I hit every Dr. I could asking for antidepressants, sleeping pills and pain meds. I begged the babe's dad to come take her and went to the hospital, they refused to treat me, I wasn't sick enough (86 lbs and highly suicidal). I went home and knew I had to see my baby one more time, all my letter's were written to my family and my other two children. Luckily I talked to my sister in law before I showed up at my ex's. She called the police who showed at my house before I could get a cab. I ran out the back door with my pockets full of pills. I walked 10 km to his house and was allowed in to see my little girl. They immediately called the police and I heard. I started shovelling the pills into my face telling my ex that I couldn't live without my kids any more. I just wanted to stop hurting and stop missing them, I told him I knew he was trying to take Payton and I couldn't be here to go through that again. The police showed up and even though I didn't resist (beyond trying to cower in a corner out of fear) I was thrown to the ground and had a very large man ram his knee into my back... again people, I was 86 lbs and I am only 5'3". I was taken to the hospital again and put on suicide watch for 12 hours. The psychiatrist talked to me for a grand total of 15 min and I was sent home, alone.

The police had taken the pills and had removed the helium tank from my home. Unless I was willing to get very messy (my sis in law had taken all the knives), or try to hang myself with a rope I was S.O.L so I spent three days crying and pulling out my hair instead. eventually I found a Dr. who would listen and was put on meds that worked.

So I guess my answer is a yes. Adoption has caused me to be suicidal MANY times over the last 10 years. I hope that is in my past but I thought it was before as well.