How many kids is too many?

Question

We adopted 5 and now are helping their first father raise their 2 youngest siblings and people are throwing such a fit about us having 7 kids. First of all, the youngest 2 don't even live with us full time. Second of all, if the children are happy and well taken care of, who cares? Any opinions on this?

Answer 1

I think u are amazing for doing what u do. If u love the kids then don't worry about what other people think. When i was reading this i was thinking of Jon & Kate Plus 8, they have 8 kids and they take care of them just find. They do a Special day for all the kids they take one kid to do whatever the kid whats to do that day, then they do a girls day out were it is just the girls, and then the boys have a day out and the kids get to pick if they want mom, dad, or mom and dad. Jon & Kate don't worry about what other people say. So best of luck to you

Answer 2

Im the youngest of seven. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. We are all well taken care of and the only thing is we can get really crazy. I personally don't think I could take care of seven kids, but my mom could handle 6 more and I know that. some people just think because it overwhelms them it overwhelms everybody.  

Answer 3

7 is alot of kids but your absolutely right on not splitting up the kids. O think your doing a great thing and no one should be telling you mean things about it

Answer 4

I know two families who have biological children and adopted children. One of those families comprises of two parents and 12 kids. They are one of the most amazing families I know and their kids definitely dig their living situation. It is completely based on how much you, the individual can handle. BTW: The "best" is good parenting period, not trips to the zoo or having a parent w/a great career.

Answer 5

My first husband came from a family of 9 children.  Today, each one of them is very successful.  He is a doctor and all of his siblings are equally successful.  They received plenty of love and care as children.  The family is very close.  Prior to marrying him, my first husband's parents allowed me to move in with them for a while.  I shared a room with his younger sister, with whom I had a close relationship.  Because of what a good family this was and how good his parents were, the memories I have of that time are great.

A large family, like any family, is what the parents make it.  You  have 5 children, and you are apparently having their siblings in your home pretty regularly.  Kudos to you for making sure these siblings have the relationships with one another.  

Answer 6

Show them this

http://www.allourboys.com/index.htm

and then tell them to find something else to b*tch about.

ETA:  Peaness, I'm not saying it's right.  I'm just saying there are larger issues to complain about than one family raising five kids.  I didn't mean to imply that I think the Silcock family is a positive example for parenthood or adoption.  Just giving "Just A Mom" a tool to use to tell people to shut up and be nice to her, because she deserves it.  :-)

Answer 7

as long as you can provide all your kids with all the love they need and materialistic things you are doing good.  how many parents only have 1 and cant get that done?

you sound like a good woman, God bless and good luck

Answer 8

There are 10 in my family, ages 3-20.

I think it's nifty.

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And as far as how we "get to activities" - the older kids take the younger kids. Duh. Where there's a will there's a way, and there's plenty of will in my family.

Answer 9

Dear Just a Mom,

I think there is a huge difference between planning and intentionally having 7 kids vs adopting a sibling group.  The number of children from 5 to 7 really wasn't your choice, kwim?

I think its different for every person.  Yeah, we heard the same complaints going from 3 kids to 4 and from 4 kids to 5.  Eh, what do they know.  Its your life and you know what you are capable of.  Honestly, how could you not help out with their younger siblings.  Kuddos to you:)

Answer 10

Only you can decide but few families have infinite time and resources. It sounds like people are concerned that your children get your best. Even if you are a full time Mom, I can't imagine how you get five children to their activities not to mention all of the other things that you have to do for them.

Answer 11

I think as many as you your house will hold.  We have a basement and plan to get that finished and we'll see how many bedrooms we have room for.  Every seen Jon and Kate plus 8?  Great tv show on TLC.  I would love to have 7 or 8 kids but we're still working on number 1.  We just started the foster care license process.  Wish us luck!  God bless!

Answer 12

I think you should have as many  you can love and afford.there not a number that is to big for Love .But the ability to support has to be there too.

Answer 13

I don't think there's any set number. It depends on the resources (emotional as well as things like money and space) of the parents and the support system in place. Some people raise huge families with grace and patience, and some struggle to raise one or two-- that doesn't mean that having few or having many is right or wrong for everyone.

If your children are getting individual time and attention and feel their parents love them and are available to them, then I don't think you have too many. (Especially since they're a sibling group-- splitting them up would be far too damaging even if you were struggling more to make it work.)

I think it depends on the individual. If things are going well in your family, I don't think there's any reason to assume something must really be wrong just because of the number of children. It seems like you're doing just fine. :-)

Answer 14

As long as you have the means to care for all those children i see nothing wrong with it.  For me there is no way I would have more then 2.

Answer 15

It sounds like you have what it takes to have the amount of children you have...others couldn't even fathom having more than one, if any...so to each their own.

I will say I do have issues when the older children end up being the primary caretaker of younger siblings. I am not talking about occassionally changing a diaper or having a sibling tag along (as that is 'normal' in most families) but as far as being the PRIMARY caretaker is a no go for me.

Personally, I think the Duggars are a lil over the top but that is a whole different debate in itself.

Gaia - that link you posted worries me some. Did you read their three rules in their song? Something didn't hit me right when I read those rules, let alone the first one. Why does it have to be about making the mother happy first? What about self respect & other stuff? I know those aren't your rules and you just posted the link but I got a really weird vibe from that site.

I just wanted to add that people always say you should be financially well off - that's a bonus but what people forget is that you can be well-off and not provide the loving home an adopted child needs. You can't buy love.

Answer 16

Do not worry about what others think. Have you seen the Dugars? They have 18 children I think. If you look at your children and think that you have enough love to go around for more then do it. and by the way, who would ever want to be split up from a sibling. I think that you are doing a wonderful thing and if I were you I would just tell people to look the other way if they dont like what they see. Honestly you are a wonderful person to do this for your children.

Answer 17

Its sounds to me that you guys are doing just find and have really big hearts I look up to you for giving all the children a life that they could of NEVER had without you.

Answer 18

I don't think their is a number! Everyone and every family is different.

We have 5 also. We hope to adopt more children from foster care in the future especially sibling of our children. I never hear the end of it.

I think that large families are great! If you think back a few generations most people had a had full of kids instead of the now norm of <3. I think you should check out the Lots of Kids web site it is for parent of 4 or more kids. They can provide you with lots of support. Most of them have many more kids than us.  

Answer 19

It depends on your situation. I have a 4 bed room home. So i'm think i'll stop having kids when i get to baby number 4 or 5..

Questions you need to ask yourself.

Can you divide yourself up so that everyone feels like they're getting enough of your attention?

Do i have enough money?

Can you afford school?

Pay for weddings (parents should pay for their little girl's wedding)

Answer 20

I say, good on you.

You know your limits and what you can handle, who cares what other people think?

Answer 21

actually many adoption agencies are limiting people to 5 and the state of Oregon 7.. in Virginia it is 8 ---2 parent man/woman married family... 4 single parent

Answer 22

I guess it would depend on how many you can handle emotionally and financially.

My mom gave birth to 10 (no  twins)and everyone turned out fine. I should tell you though we had 4 grandparents helping and a housekeeper and a part time nanny.

Kids need a lot of attention and it doesn't ease as they go into the teens.  In some cases it gets more demanding and draining.

I think its good that your trying to keep the kids together. Only if all Aps understood the importance of that. I hate hearing how Aps split up family's because they only want the baby or toddler and not the 7 or 8yr. old brother/sister.

ETA: Yes, I would choose to be with my family even if we had to live in poverty.    I think people using poverty alone as an excuse to separate a family should stay away from adoption. Its the number 1 "justification" Aps use to adopt in 3rd world countries.   Those children don't care if they are in poverty they just want their mothers and family.

Edit: My mom gave birth to 11. I forgot to add myself.