How many of you adoptees got....?

Question

"life long support, a college education, a wonderful wedding, and a trust fund for the grand kids"?

In a recent question, an adoptive mother answered an expectant mother and told her that her child would get these things if she gave it up for adoption.

I didn't get these things. How about you?

Answer 1

Life long support--no, and wasn't supported very well as a child, wasn't allowed to be in extra-curricular activities, started working at 13, got a special permit from our town so I could work 'above' the table, evenings and weekends.

College education--nada.  Also, wouldn't co-sign for student loans.

Wonderful wedding-no help towards wedding expenses, I did however get 4 place settings of Oneida stainless flatware, not my pattern, however, and no receipt. :-(

Trust fund for the grand kids--that IS funny!  Mt aparents are in DEBT up to their EARS.  They have lived in their home since 1970 and still don't own it--too many mortgages.

Certainly not what my mother was promised from the agency!

Answer 2

I got a very small amount of child support  (my aparents divorced in my teen years-not fun) until the day I finished college at 22.

I got a college education that I paid for most of myself.

I had a truly wonderful wedding...that I mostly paid for myself (well, me and my husband anyway)  my amom helped me some, my adad helped a very little. Honestly, I was just glad my adad bothered to show up!

And sadly, no trust fund for my kids.  Bummer.

My adoptive parents have their own struggles and their own needs.  I learned early if I wanted anything in life, I'd have to get it myself.

There are no guarantees in life.

Answer 3

Life long support?  No, my amom died.  College education?  Yes, paid for by me with the help of grants, scholarships and student loans I paid.  A wonderful wedding?  Yes, paid for by my husband's family.

Does this mean I didn't love my amom?  No, it just means that being adopted doesn't guarantee you the things that the answerer did tell a young woman her child WOULD get if she relinquished.

Answer 4

Hmmm...  No trust fund...  The wedding my partner and I payed for ourselves...  A college education I got on scholarship (my own hard work)...  Life long support?  Basically, yes.  Not understanding.  But I've gotten some support throughout my life (not always enough, but some)...

Answer 5

my adopted parents didn't offer nothing like that...LOL I must have been ripped off......I want new parents. Just kidding they are wonderful. But like every other adult out there as soon as I was old enough I had to do it on my own.

Answer 6

Forget the "your child will be going to a loving home" delusion.  What she's really saying is adoption promises access to a big bank account.   Maybe only rich people should be allowed to have kids (either their own or someone else's).

The assumption being that this teenage girl is destined for a life of poverty IF she keeps her child but can go forth and prosper, get married and have other (read allowable) children if she can be persuaded to give this one up.

Let's see.  

A. Life long support (we're talking cash, right?)  No, I've been supporting myself since I was 23.

B. A college education.  Undergrad was CUNY (free tuition) and the MBA I paid for.

C. A wonderful wedding.  It was a wedding.  My parents paid for half, my ex's parents paid for the other half.

D. A trust fund for the grandkids.  Yeah right.  Besides, I'd rather see my kids able to support themselves than living off some bank account.

She did forget to mention the pony.  Don't all adoptees get a pony if they want one?

Answer 7

I am sorry but I dont quite understand the question. I am adopted and being adopted doesnt stop you from going to college and haveing a wedding etc. Not sure what this question is all about. sorry

Answer 8

I got an adoptive father that died in a tragic accident before I was one.

I got a wonderful adoptive mum that died of cancer when I was 18.

I paid for my own wedding (together with my now husband).

I'm currently studying for my BA in Education - and paying my own way (together with that wonderful husband!!).

I do have ongoing emotional support from my adoptive bro and sis (bio kids of my adoptive parents) - we are very close.

Adoption - it's a mixed bag - but there are no guarantees.

Answer 9

life long support, - Yes well my mother died, but my dad supports me every day by being on the end of the phone , just a phone call away to come over and help me with anything or just a chat

a college education, - um yes they put me through school until the end of high school to which I didnt want to go on to university but they would have supported that

a wonderful wedding, - Yes , well my Mum had died but my dad certainly paid a hefty amount towards it- the best that he a pensioner and widow could afford

and a trust fund for the grand kids"? and yes when he dies I will have my share along with the bio kids

I do not understand the question either..was the adoptive parent trying to cooerce the expectant mother ?

Or was she trying to make the poor expectant mother feel guilty that she could NOT provide those things for the baby

Because if that is the case that is about as low as you can go trying to guilt a person *thinking* about whether to give her baby up for adoption..

There is more to life than material things

Answer 10

Gosh I wish. All I got was an abusive father who beat my older brother and I . No support there and a mother who was just as bad. I was as dumb as a post and got bad grades and got belted whenever I got my report card. My father committed suicide when I was 12 yrs old. My wedding was wonderful although it was a garden wedding with a small amount of guests. And the reception was in my mothers backyard. I now have 5 kids and we scrape by just living week to week vicariously. I could only wish for such things in my life. I just have to get on with my life and not dwell on how bad it has been. Life must go on hey!  :)

Answer 11

I adopted both of my daughters (12 and 14 now) and I can guarantee you that they will both be college educated and supported by me for the rest of my life.it just may not be financial support for the rest of theirs.  I love my girls, but I am far from being well off financially.  We have a comfortable middle class life.

Answer 12

Life long support would be a no, amom passed when I was 14 and my adad and I are just now able to tolerate being in the same room for more than a half hour. College education is another no. Didn't get braces either, punishment for getting myself knocked up at 16. Wonderful wedding? Does my dad trying to sell me to a boyfriend at 19 count? Didn't think so. My trust fund bought dad and the new wife a house for my 15th birthday and I somehow doubt that will be going to me when they are dead and gone, though I will be allowed to live in it if they pass before my sister's are through their paid for university educations.

Yeah I got nothing.

Answer 13

My neice who was adopted has her own savings account. Her college will be paid for.  She will have an inheritance when her parents pass away.  From the moment that she was adopted into our family - she became - in every way - a member of our family.